Happy Heero, Monotone Duo!
by LeoOsaka Bakura's stalker
Summary: Duo and Heero wake up to find something incredibly wrong! They've switched bodies! And now they have to find out how to undo it with out the others discovering! Too bad they didn't realize love had something to do with it... COMPLETE [Entirely Edited]
1. 01 Duo

**Pairing**: DuoxHeero, because I can. With a nice refreshing side of TrowaxQuatre and TreizexZechs, also because I can.

**Warning**: Yaoi, because that's the only shit I write. Cursing because sometimes it's good to say Fuck, please don't go telling this to your parents…I don't want to get in trouble now…Relena bashing. Miniscule and in good humor Quatre teasing, perverted jokes, ass grabbing, OOCness and Zechs. (Zechs is special. He gets his own warning.)

**Disclaime**r: Since I'm supposed to state the horrendously painfully obvious fact that I own about enough to buy me a 5 cent pack of Ramen it's safe to say I don't own any of these things!

* * *

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_Chapter One_

_Duo_

Fuck is a very wonderful word. It really is. Now I'm not just saying that to be vulgar folks. I'm just not that type of guy. But really. The word 'fuck' describes a bad situation perfectly! So naturally when I woke up from my throwing myself at my bed at three in the morning and I found myself waking up in a bed that wasn't mine, the feeling that word was needed simply sprung up in the tangible words of: "Where the fuck am I?" The sound of my voice…Well didn't sound like mine. It felt weird coming off my throat and I sat up, glancing around the room, noting the bleakness and lack of human touch. I shook my head to snap myself out of my haze, realizing my head felt _sooo_ much lighter than before…I didn't like that one damn bit.

I reached behind my head to find the short strands of hair brushing against my arm. I resisted the urge to scream like a girl and die in a corner. My long hair, long enough to brush against my thighs when undone, my beautifully well-groomed hair…was not there! And no that was not and intentional rhyme.

Though I wanted to do as mention…I didn't. I hopped out of the bed and, on the verge of panicking, grabbed for my discarded clothes to redress and march my happy ass down stairs so everyone could tell me I was hallucinating and going crazy.

A moment of realization followed: "Wait a minute…I never changed out of my clothes last night!" I said to no one in particular, save myself really. I held up the offending garment that was the target of my foregoing insanity. I studied them over for a moment…These were… "These are Heero's clothes!? Then…I'm in his room!? Oh well…he's gonna _kill_ me! For real this time!"

Having no other option. I put his clothes on. Noting just how weird my body felt. It just…I don't know, it felt different. I didn't bother with his shoes…that would piss him off even more. Not that I feared the guy or anything. I mean, yeah I don't wanna piss him off; but it's not because I'm afraid of him! Hell I laugh at death! I ain't afraid of death…I just don't want him to be holding the torture device you know? Salt on the wound if you catch my drift, which you most likely don't. So don't worry about it.

I passed his bathroom, and on an impulse I walked in. Actually I was kinda curious to see if he actually had anything in there. You know Mister 'my Mission is my brother, sister, mother, father, lover, friend and some kind of paganistic god that only I, Heero Yuy, can worship!' Gotta love the guy, but man…I have missions too…Yet I have a life as a human outside of them…He should lighten up a bit.

I peeked in, making sure there was no hidden trap. You know, I think he would do that; especially knowing I'm the snoopy type. You can't blame me! So what if I like to know what people are all about! You can't blame me for caring right? Right? If you're disagreeing don't be surprised to see your name added to Shinigami's list…Just kidding! I only kill my enemies! What? It's a reasonable hobby!

I flipped the light on when I thought I was safe. I looked at the empty bathroom. Realizing that he wasn't human after all. (There was a moment I thought he might be, you know…But It was a _very, very_ small moment…very small…microscopic even…)

"Sheesh…This guy's so dull!" I coughed hoping that my change in tone was due to something caught in my throat. I turned around to turn the water on to rinse my face, when the reflection in the mirror made me nearly eat my heart.

"AAAHHHHHH!" I threw myself against the wall behind me. Only then did I realize the mirror reflected it. The surprised look on the face in the mirror was almost enough to give me a second heart attack. I reached out to touch the mirror, my jaw falling open as my fingers and the reflection seemed to connect when my hand brush the glass.

"Oh…._fuck_." See, perfect use for the word! The easiest way to say "Oh my god this is _bad_! Very fucking bad!" though it does feel good to say it that way too…

But aside from my lighthearted humor, I was staring into Heero's face! As if it were my own! I turned around and, without hesitation, slammed my head into a wall; simply to verify if I was awake, or still mentally stable.

Due to the fact there was a line of blood trickling down my face, and it hurt somewhat, I was ready to assume I was fully awake. So that left my sanity in question. Though I'm not sure I was ever certain about that. I mean…really. I don't think any of us are truly walking with all our ducks in a row if you know what I mean. I turned around with my eyes closed hoping that this was just phase one of mental deterioration.

When I opened my eyes I was hit with the realization that I wasn't crazy…I was in Heero's body! How? I wish I knew! Why? Same as previously mentioned! This left one question to burn in my mind. If I was here, then where _was_ Mr. Perfect soldier?

I kinda just stood there. The look on my-er-Heero's face was kinda perturbing. I liked the emotionless blank stare. Those eyes that practically scream, "I'm going to kill you." The cold look that sends chills up your spine. I can't help but want to imitate his expressions. Though as I tried such a foreign look for me to make, I couldn't help but giggle, also a sound that Heero would never in a million years make! So I was experiencing all of his emotional firsts! It was kinda amusing! Imagine! A happy Heero! Makes me laugh inside. But as I realized I was still staring into the mirror I shrugged myself out of my trance.

I needed to get to _my_ body and see what was up with it! I mean giving myself a moment to contemplate, if I was in this body, then was he in mine? Ooooh… That would be awkward…I wonder if he would, technically speaking, hit himself? But then in remembrance of him self destructing his Gundam like, multiple times…I was starting to think he'd do more than that! Oh my god! I made him, his body rather, smile! Oh hell! He's going to kill me! Unless I don't tell him…Why do I have the feeling he'd find out anyways?

Weeeeeell. I decided to find out how it would play out. I stepped out of the bathroom shutting off the light and closing the door, for security reasons and headed for the door. I open it quietly and met face to face with Wufei, whose hand was still raised, ready to knock for the first time.

"…'F- …uh…Wufei…" I straightened up and put on the 'cold guy Heero' look. "Something I can help you with?"

"…" He looked at me for a moment with slight suspicion at my initial reaction. "Well, ahem, we'd uh, like your assistance in retrieving Duo from his room. He's got it shut up tighter than the pants he wears." I twitched at that last part. My pants aren't _that_ tight are they? Well they don't bother me….

"Isn't it a good thing the baka's locked himself up for a while?" I retorted, figuring that'd be something Heero'd say.

"Well in normal cases yes, but he's gone nuts, screaming something about failing a mission and wanting to kill well, just about everyone. Then he goes about shooting holes in the wall. Unfortunately he's on the other side of the door, with weapons. So we can't really get to him…" He said straight-faced.

"Well, you're a martial artist. Can't you just kick the door down?"

"Would you go barging into a room with a psycho, grenade happy, longhaired American?"

"Yes." I stated as a matter of fact.

"That's _why _I came to get you."

Well that made sense. Good thinking Wu-man! But then…how could he know that he was actually looking at the rampaging Duo…Oh god, if I told them they'd think I lost it. And assuming by the screaming of a failed mission, Heero was in my body…Well this would make it either easier or harder to confront him with…I'm hoping for the easier.

"Heero!" I was snapped back into reality.

"Very well, mission accepted; but don't be surprised if I kill him." I spoke as monotonously as I could, which was surprisingly easy. I picked up the hand pistol sitting on the dresser, hoping I wouldn't have to use it…I mean I don't want to shoot myself! That just doesn't make for a good day! But then again…I did shoot him a couple times when we first met…So I guess that would be like payback for him…Me actually shooting my own body.

Trying not to blow my cover, I brushed passed 'Fei, who turned to follow me.

This ought to be interesting…

**To be continued…**


	2. 02 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**   
_Chapter Two_

Heero

My eyes shot open when I heard the infernal beeping coming from some sort of item that had to be electronic. Out of habit I rolled out of my bed reaching for the gun that was supposed to be under my pillow, but it was missing. I stood there for a moment, feeling rather stupid holding my hand in a gun drawn pose with no gun there. I could picture the laughter I would have gotten from my comrades had they seen that. I snorted.

I cautiously looked about for the source of the noise and my eyes fell on a small item sitting on the dresser. I walked over, nearly tripping on unknown items as I made my way to picking up what turned out to be a watch…Scratch that, Maxwell's watch.

'What's _his_ watch doing in _my_ room?' I questioned to myself in my head; thinking of all the times I'd threatened to kill him, I should have. After my eyes fully adjusted to the room, darkened by the black curtains; I realize that I could not possibly, under any circumstances, be in my own room. It was an impossibility. And I came to realize that the watch wasn't the only of Maxwell's nonsensical items that was taking up residence in what I thought to be _my_ room.

His, as he would say it, 'crap' was all over the place. Clothes on the floor, books and computer equipment spilling over the edge of the dresser top, a bag stuffed to the brim with explosives in it…Wait…explosives? I couldn't help but snort to my self as I pictured the magnitude of damage that would take place if they all went off at once in the small location. Winner would have to refurnish his 'kingdom' as the long haired baka puts it. Assuming this half of the planet survives the explosion.

At about that moment, after walking around, I realized that I was also wearing baka's pants. How? Well when leather rubs up on itself there's a definite feel to it. I also happened to take into account that the collar of _his_ shirt was chaffing my neck. How he wears it I'm not quite sure. Of course the reason for it's uncomforting state could have been that they felt slept in. I went toward Maxwell's bathroom; as I'd already deducted, I was in his living quarters, stopping upon the light thump sound. I felt something knock into my back in a swinging motion.

I turned quickly prepared to take on anything that may be attacking, sneaking in, or any hallucination created by my paranoid mind. As I did that I felt something swing around and fall limp over my shoulder. My hand very hesitantly moved to fall over what was clearly a mass of hair…Woven in to the very familiar pattern…Of Maxwell's braid.

"What the hell?" I mumbled to myself not liking the way it came off my throat in a raw, very un-Asian like way. But more like…That gruff American tone that could only belong to…

I flew forward throwing myself into his 'crap' covered bathroom…Though I think it would be a wise notion to mention that 'crap' is not meant in the literal sense, but in Maxwell's term for it…I'll never understand that baka. Hence the reason he remains a _baka_, to me and nothing else.

I flipped the light switch on and tore the meaningless paper he'd taped to the mirror, in order to remind himself of something. Of course I couldn't help but think he should be able to remember on his own. He was a soldier. He was trained for it.

I stared into the reflection that bit back at me like the wake up call from hell, or more appropriately, Relena. On an outside note, next time I see her, I should kill her. I almost considered writing that on baka's list of reminders and re-taping it, but I had more important things to think about, more precisely, why I was staring into Maxwell's face like it was my own…

I took only a moment to actually look at his face. I never really noticed how his eyes were violet…Ironic no? The color of royalty for the self proclaimed 'god of death'. His eyes were wider than mine, not that it was something I didn't already know; after all I'm Asian, he's not. That explains that right there, but his eyes…I'm not sure how to describe them in a way that makes any sense at all really. Details don't appear to be my repertoire.

In a haste to get that face out of my vision I slammed my fist into that mirror, almost regretting it, as I knew Quatre would fly up those stares with his worried little heart flying off the handle. I knew he wouldn't yell…but even if he didn't, Chang would. Most likely I'd disrupted his meditation. And he's always looking for a reason to fight Maxwell, of whose body I seem to be in control of.

The question then came to mind, if I was here…was he in my body? That thought really made me twitch. Invasion of privacy was his hobby; this would be an absolute field day for the neurotic baka. You think I'm neurotic? He's just as irrational if not more, along with being—as Quatre once referred to it as—a 'spazz'.

I contemplated it for a moment while absentmindedly walking for the door. I was abruptly stopped when my hair, or should I say baka's hair, caught on the nightstand; sending me crashing me to the floor and everything on the table top to come spilling down on top of me. I covered my head with my arm and vaguely remember seeing the black metal slip to the floor in a crash and go off putting a bullet into the wall.

"He, he had a gun in that clutter?!" I couldn't help but feign a little surprise. Though none of it probably showed on the outside. I was too used to keeping all my emotions suppressed. It was then I heard the rush of footsteps on the outside of my door.

"Duo, you okay in there?"

"…" I had to think for a moment what he would say. Could you imagine a monotone Duo? That would be a whole new level of strange. "Yeah Kat I'm fine."

"Are you sure???" He persisted. I snapped.

"_Yes I'm fucking sure! Now leave me alone_!" I grabbed the pistol that had seated itself next to me and shot at the door about four times, aiming too high to actually hit anyone, though I knew the bullets would end up in the wall of the hallway. I hoped they'd leave before my pent up frustration came out like the bullets from the barrel of the gun I was holding.

Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have reacted like that. And actually I don't react like that under abnormal circumstances. I just chalked it up to being in baka's body.

"_Damn it_! I seethed out loud, not caring that I could now make out Chang's voice outside the door. "I should have detonated myself the first failure!!! Then _this_ wouldn't being happening," I grumbled that last part barely audible to any one but my own ears, or more or less baka's ears that I was listening through. "That's the _last_ mission I will _ever fail_!" As normal I blamed any misfortune on any mission I might have no succeeded in.

It took me all of about two seconds to have my room, Baka's room, locked down tighter than the once famous 'Fort Knox.' I heard pounding on the door not long after I'd secured the door to _not_ open under any circumstance.

"Maxwell come out of this room and explain what all this uproar is all about!" Chang's voice.

"_Go away_!" Was all I said resisting the urge to blow the door down with a kick and beat the hell out of the Chinese teen for disrupting me in my self-loathing.

" _Maxwell_! I'm _not_ joking get out here _now_!" He waited for a moment; but I said nothing, and leaned up against the door. I'm thinking the only reason he didn't slam a foot into kicking down the door was because he knew of the massive amount of weaponry that 'Maxwell the bomb happy, angel of death' kept with him. Only I would be fearless enough to take a grenade in my face. I think he knew that too.

"_Fine_! I'm going to get Yuy!" I could hear him stomping away.

Good, go get 'Yuy'. Bring him to me, so I can have a nice little chat with myself…

And find out what the _fuck_ is going on here…

**To be continued… **


	3. 03 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_Chapter Three _

Duo

I could have screamed at 'Fei at that moment. He was all but breathing down my neck trying to make me walk faster. Either that or his lack of trust in Heero made him always walk so close. But aside from whatever it was, I could practically sense his annoyance at me—being Heero—growing greater, the longer I took to walk to the next room. And I sure as hell took my time.

My gun was drawn as I stood by the door ready to literally shoot at myself. I rapped my knuckles on the large wooden gate of a door, as I prefer to call it. The simple idea that Q-ball thinks this is a small house, makes me want to faint. I'd hate to see what he thinks is big! But then again, he's richer than god, so I guess he's spoiled into thinking differently than us low class citizens of the universe.

No reply came from my knocking. So I knocked harder and voiced a little warning to myself.

"Maxwell, open this door before I kick it down and kill you like I've been promising to." It came out of my mouth smoother than I could have thought it would. I mean… I'm more of a bubbly kinda guy; not so much the serious "Heero Yuy" type.

I heard noises. Apparently my psychotic 'me' impressionist heard that warning. He unlocked his Fort Knox, opened the floor, grabbed me rather violently, and pulled me inside; but not with out slamming my head against the doorframe and slamming the door, thus forting us in…He could have been nice about it…But hell no… he _had_ to give me a miniscule concussion. What did I do to deserve this? As 'Fei-man would say, "Where's the fucking justice here?!"

"OOOOWWW!" I shrieked, wincing as I felt the knot in my head grow bigger.

"Get that look off my face you damn _baka_! What did you do!?" He said ignoring my whining. You know, I'm kinda surprised no one had even _mentioned_ the fact that there was a trail of _blood_ running down my face.

"You know, it's not _my_ fault! I don't know how this happened!" I screamed back at him using his own voice. God…I literally felt like I was talking to a mirror.

"We're not telling the others; under any circumstance." He spoke all monotone-like…God remind me never to start talking like a robot… Monotone me…just ain't happening…

"WHY?!"

"Because that would hinder both of us." He replied running a hand through _my_ hair absentmindedly. Wait a damn minute…

"_You_ took _my_ hair down!?" I could just feel the over protectiveness of my gorgeous hair eating away at my insides, making me want to hurl myself at him and make him stop petting my hair.

"I was curious. Chang was taking too long retrieving you—or should I say me?—from my room." He said like it meant nothing!

My hair was my pride, my joy, and the godly ornament of my being, aside from certain 'other' things…you know… I take pride in how I display myself to others… thank you very much! I may end up with blood all over me, throwing myself out of an exploding building, or be getting the shit kicked out of me; but damn it! I _will_ look sexy doing it! I think I'm successful don't you?

The only thing I think I cherish more than my heavenly blanket of beautiful, awesome Duo hair; is my lovely Gundam! The Death Scythe Hell! My wonderful Weapon of Death! I feel very special to know _my_ Gundam is the only one with black as a main color! Look at that… I've managed to lose track of the original subject. Typical of me, no? Ah well…

Anyway, he caught my growl and stopped slowly as if testing whether or not I would bodily attack…well…myself. I guess I conceded that. I don't want to end up back into a body that I beat the snot out of. That would be kinda stupid now don'tcha think?

"So, Hee-chan, what _are_ we going to do about this?" I asked indignantly.

"Duo." He retorted and I blinked confusedly.

"I'm Duo, not 'Hee-chan', remember that."

"Riiight…" I sighed. This was going to be a pain, if I had to act like Heero for a while I was going to get ridiculously bored and end up blowing my cover horrendously. And should we have separate missions…Oh hell… "Um…Hee- eh- baka," I tried to make myself sound um…more realistic?

"Yeah?" He replied lightening up to slump like I normally do. It wasn't until then that I realized he was bigger than me…to think! An Asian was taller and had a larger body frame than I! That's so unjustified. (Sorry Wu-man had to kidnap your word).

"Well uh what are we gonna do if we get called to a mission?"

"Oh _fuck_." That came out so characteristic to me, but completely out of the field for Heero.

"My thoughts exactly," I grumbled appreciating that ever so delectable word.

"Hmmm…That means you're going to have to pilot Wing…And I'll…"

"Have to pilot Death Scythe…" I did _not_ like that concept…Him piloting my darling… It's like, in the span of an hour he's going to pry into my only items that are only privately mine…First my hair, which _no one_—save Sister Helen—has touched and even though he's technically in _my_ body I still count it as him…and now my ever so precious, conveniently nicknamed, Death Scythe!? Woe is me indeed.

I heard his stomach grumble, as it usually does when my body first rises. That meant I was going to have to _make_ him eat…Other wise I'd end up back in a body that was half starved to death, assuming we even fixed this damn problem.

"You're going to eat." I state simply. He wasn't arguing. I'd stomp his ass if he even _dared_ keep this American from his body's needed intake of food.

"Fine." He said with an added 'hn' for good measure. That man and his damn sound effects…

"Perhaps we should find a reason as to why you were going insane in here…" I put a hand on my hip, like I would normally do. And really, the others were going to want some kind of explanation…

"Don't stand like that." He replied with.

"Then quit talking monotone in _my_ body! It works both ways you know!"

"What ever; it's monotonous used in that context, by the way, not monotone. The gun originally went off on accident. And why would you have it on your dresser top and not under your pillow, where it would be easier to access it?"

"Are you questioning me? Doesn't matter anyway. I really don't even want to know, but the 'other' shots that went off were not an accident!" I huffed, mentally smacking myself not to do that. Habits die hard you know!

"We'll think of something when we need it, you need to quit talking so loud! You're doing a bad job of copying me! They'd have heard you if your radio hadn't been blaring! How you sleep through that is astounding!"

"You know, for a second there I thought I saw a tiny bit of sarcasm…But it's hard to tell when you're talking to a man who's soul is made of _ice_!" That came out much harsher than intended and he…actually looked offended.

"Fine, I'll keep that in mind." He walked toward the door, throwing open the locks preparing to walk out and tell everyone that everything was fine. He managed to plaster the fakest smile I've ever seen on my own face and he turned the doorknob to come face to face with a very worried Quatre.

"Oh god are you okay Duo!?" He gushed, with very large worried eyes.

"Yeah Kat, I'm fine, just-"

"A nightmare…ripped me from my reports for a nightmare. Baka." I mumbled brushing passed him. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the glace he sent me that clearly said 'Thanks for making that excuse easy.'

"Oh I'm relieved! I heard glass shatter and gun shots through the door. And you were screaming so loud. I was afraid someone got in there! I supposed I should know better than to think any one would try to break into The God of Death's room, huh?" I could hear Quatre's laughter along with a faked laugh from…Duo…I suppose it's going to be hard to call us the usual names anymore…

"Yeah…. Just a fitful night of barely any sleep. I'm gonna go take a quick shower and I'll be down to tackle some food!"

"I'll get started on that! If I don't then I'll never make enough to appease your appetite." Quatre smiled and headed back down the stairs. I discreetly made my way back up after I'd made effort to descend. I passed Wufei on the staircase, and wondered where Trowa was. Probably showering as well.

I stopped in front of …Duo, man this is going to get hard to keep up with. I crossed my arms, standing feet flat in front of him.

"What do you want now, Heero?" Man, he didn't even stutter…He's catching on to this role-play too quickly.

"You're going to shower? With my body?!"

I foresaw big problems happening with this.

**To be continued… **


	4. 04 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo **  
_Chapter Four_

Heero

I heard Chang stalking down the hall and I could barely make out the sound of my voice talking to him at the door in the room next to mine. At first it startled me, because that sounded like my cold voice, but then I realized that Maxwell must know how to play the part. I guess spending all that time annoying me until I threatened him with death was beneficial in the end. Scary to say I could probably act his part well too. I hear him talk more than I'd like to hear him talk. Though it's strange when it's dead quiet.

I sat on the edge of the bed, _knowing_ Maxwell would take his sweet ass time. He's that kind of person. I suppose he thought I would hurt him. I may be willing to detonate my Gundam for the sake of my mission, but I'm not so stupid as to tear up my own body; especially when considering I'd have to go back to it at some point…Hopefully. How long I'd be able to stand pretending to be a happy cheerful person was a test of my sanity.

I got rather impatient. And found myself subconsciously twisting the mass of a braid that was draped over my shoulder. Without really intending to, I pulled the tie from it and unraveled it. Curiosity got the best of me, I suppose. I think. I'm not sure why I took his hair out, but I just did.

It was much longer than I'd thought. Sitting down it draped all over my legs. It never occurred to me just how much length one loses in hair when it is braided. Because this was _much_ longer than the length of that braid he takes so much pride in. It was such a strange feeling to have all this…hair around me!

I stopped admiring the endless strands of silk when I heard a blunt knock on the door. I didn't move to answer it. If it was my imitation self, then he would have to make me believe it before I opened that door. A harder knock followed.

"Maxwell, open this door before I kick it down and kill you like I've been promising to." The voice was indefinitely mine and surprisingly as cold. He was a good actor indeed.

I stood up and walked toward the door with heavy feet, not too apt to making it to my destination with impressive speed. I unlocked the door with quick hands, opened it just enough so I could grab the baka and pull him in without any word from the others. And I couldn't help but want to crack a tiny, if not microscopic, grin as I heard his head thud against the doorframe. I slammed the door quickly relocking everything with in a moment's time.

"OOOOWWW!" He shrieked in a tone that made me want to smack him violently for making me sound like that.

"Get that look off my face you damn _baka_! What did you do!?" I growled, the last part coming out without remembering even thinking it. I guess I'm so used to blaming everything on him…Mainly because it's usually the baka's fault.

"You know, it's not _my_ fault! I don't know how this happened!" He shrieked…Again…God damn him.

"We're not telling the others under any circumstance." It sounded like a reasonable demand. We really didn't need the other to know now did we?

"WHY?!"

"Because that would hinder both of us." I gave him a logical answer. I then noticed he was staring at me like he was going to attack me.

"_You_ took _my_ hair down?!" I could see the slight twitch he put on my face…I scoffed at him. Daring him to attack his own body. He relented. The first smart thing I think I've ever seen him do.

"I was curious. Chang was taking too long retrieving you—or should I say me?—from my room." He huffed…I hated seeing my face look like that. He was ogling at the fact that I was touching his precious hair. What a (as he would call it) floozy.

Most of what he spoke after that was insignificant. He did mention an issue in regards to piloting our Gundams in a mission, but I'm sure we would figure it out in due time. Then this annoying body decided to voice its opinion in being hungry. With as much as he eats I'm shocked, literally astounded, to finds him to be smaller in body size than my own body was.

The conversation followed with nothing really worth mentioning. However toward the end of our semi-heated conversation, after his demands that I feed his body, he said something that rather stung.

"You know, for a second there I thought I saw a tiny bit of sarcasm…But it's hard to tell when you're talking to a man who's soul is made of _ice_!" He face, or rather mine, was plastered with a scowl that basically spoke in almost tangible words 'you are a jerk'. That was definitely something Dup would have said.

I couldn't say anything. I didn't really want him to know that the comment cut me to the quick so easily. I brushed passed him with a simple: "Fine, I'll keep that in mind."

I found it rather hard to plaster a grin as wide as Duo's smiles always were. I opened the door to be greeted with Quatre. He gushed his worried little heart all over me, like Quatre tends to do when something doesn't sound right. I blame that on his 'space heart'. I think that's what he called it when he was talking to Duo. I don't really pay much attention to them when they start rambling on at five hundred mouth flaps per second. I reassured him I was okay, mentally thanking Duo for his participation in getting me out of explaining the ordeal by myself. He knew himself better than I did, so he'd be able to think of a more reasonable excuse.

The last thing I said made him visibly stop in his tracks on his descent down the stairs. Winner didn't notice it because his back was facing him. "Yeah…. Just a fitful night of barely any sleep. I'm gonna go take a quick shower and I'll be down to tackle some food!"

The rest was fuzzy as Winner babbled on for a moment, but my eyes were on the body halted in the middle of the staircase. He turned around and walked back up looking at me in the slightest shock that I didn't want to see on my face…ever.

"What do you want now, Heero?" I said smoothly, shocked I didn't choke at the awkwardness of speaking my own name.

"You're going to shower? With my body!?" He hissed lowly, so one else would hear.

"What do you proclaim I do? Would you rather I not and invoke suspicions from the rest of our party?"

"No, but you can't…It's just not…It's _my_ body!"

"Yes, and you're in my body, if you can't remember. You'll have to shower too. And you act as if we haven't seen each other unclothed before." For some reason that sentence made my face feel hot. I hadn't intended for that to sound like an innuendo. That disturbed me in the slightest.

"Yeah…but…" I stopped him as I watched Trowa walk by looking at us curiously, but then shrugged it off and went to find Winner.

"Don't start with me Maxw-er-Heero." Looks like even I make mistakes…though that will be the last time I let that slip. "I am going to shower, whether you approve or not. And you will do the same. I think The God of Death can withstand such a simple task, no?"

"You suck, you know that?" He scowled at me.

"You're not going to convince anyone like that."

"You know what this can't be real! I'm sorry but how the _fuck_ does something like this happen? This has to be a dream! That's it I'm going to go drown myself in a bathtub till I wake up!" He huffed moving away, until I grabbed his arm.

"You leave me stuck in this body and I swear I'll chase your ass down in hell and bring you a present that will make you regret ever even thinking about it!"

"What could possibly be that bad, Heero?" He asked not even caring that he wasn't supposed to call me that. Fortunately for us the others were in the other room out of hearing range.

"Don't make me get Relena…Let's not forget…you're in my body."

"You _bastard_! You wouldn't!"

"Bet me." I gave him the best 'evil Duo' smirk I could possibly muster. It probably looked rather pathetic though.

"Fine…" He crossed his arms. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Go make your presence known, grab a cup of coffee and go back into my room and pretend to be typing on my computer."

"Mission accepted." This bitch is mocking me…I cannot believe I just said that. I think a round of self-detonation is in order.

"Good, you fail and your punishment is a date with Relena."

"You really do have a heart of stone, you know that?" He mumbled walking away while putting a more 'me' like expression on that face.

I walked back into his 'clutter of a hell hole' as he would say and proceeded to look for something presentable to wear after accomplishing my task. Note I said 'task' not 'mission'. Proof I can say words other than 'mission'…And Maxwell thinks I eat, drink and breathe that word.

I slowly and hesitatingly peeled off his tight-necked shirt, while simultaneously slipping the belt out of its loops. I'm slightly appalled at just how thin he really is. He eats like he's starving; yet he looks like it too.

I felt this nervous twinge in my chest as I realized I would indeed have to remove his pants. Shit. This shouldn't make me feel this uncomfortable. I chalk it down to not being in my own body. I was thinking about maybe dragging that baka outside later to play off this un-needed stress with a game of basketball on Quatre's court. I find myself liking that game, thanks to baka. It's good training for aim. Tennis too, actually.

I finally conceded defeat in trying to suspend time as much as I could. I sighed, very uncharacteristically, and proceeded to strip down. It wasn't until I was faced with the hot water on my body that I realized it was covered in more scars than I think I ever remembered seeing. Gashes all up his arms, no doubt from battles. And one on his shoulder from the most recent group expedition where he was literally shaken out of his Gundam by force and had to jump out before detonating it, falling six stories and landing feet first into the ice covered waters of the northern Atlantic. If I hadn't jumped in to retrieve him he probably would have either drowned or died of hypothermia. He did manage to get us out of a bind. So I suppose that six weeks of hospitalization he went through, wasn't in vain. He healed remarkably quickly for having both of his legs shattered from the impact of the ice sheet breaking under his falling weight. Thinking about that sight made my legs throb sorely.

I can't imagine how he had the will to want to live after all that. I would have said, 'mission accomplished' and left it at that. Maybe that's what irritates me about baka. I just don't understand him. He is a puzzle, and I don't like things I don't understand. Perhaps that's Wufei's problem too. Quatre seems to understand him. They chat like bubbly schoolgirls over lunch. Trowa…No one knows what he's thinking.

I spent so much time just wondering about him that I hadn't realized I was already clean and out of the shower putting on the clothes I picked out, something not chafing.

I blanched realizing there was one small problem.

I had no idea how to braid hair.

**To be continued...**


	5. 05 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**   
_Chapter Five _

Duo

I was so not ready to leave him in my body to wash it. I mean talk about a little awkward. I didn't care so much that he saw my body naked. Tch, I have nothing to be shamed of; but I just didn't want him to see the scars plastered all over my body. The sure fire display that I was not just an average teenager, but truly the god of death. I knew he would notice. It's just like him to inspect things he's never seen before. He'll most likely try to remember where each one came from. Though he won't know most of them.

I shook my head breaking that thought as I walked heavily into the kitchen area of Quatre's little safe house. Tch, little. He's on crack if he thinks this is little. When I was growing up on the streets of L2, I would have been ginger fucking peachy ecstatic to have a roomy cardboard box! But then again I learned that this kid has twenty-nine sisters…I'd want a house with enough hiding places too…I mean twenty-nine sister…Sisters equal women…Women equal PMS. PMS equal bad. General Analogies man. Every sane guy in the Earth Sphere knows those!

I lightened my steps and treaded into the kitchen. Quatre gave me a warm smile, his big gushy eyes spewing happiness that just shouldn't be allowed to exist in such huge amounts in single areas…Damn, I'm even starting the _think_ like Yuy! GAH! I just called him by his last name! I'm usually _more_ ecstatic than Q-ball! This is ridiculous! Q-ball is my pet name for him if you hadn't noticed. Yes I like pet names…Like Wufei is: Wu-man and 'Fei, Trowa is: Tro, Quatre is: 'Kat, and Q-ball and Heero is: Hee-chan or plain 'jerk' when he's being one.

"Good morning Heero!" He smiled as if the psychotic events of earlier today hadn't happened.

"Hn," was all I replied with. I knew Hee-chan's morning ritual. Silence was key. Though I thought my head would explode if I didn't say something soon. I'm a talkative person. I like people to pay attention to me. It doesn't make me feel so alone I guess. That sounds so stupid. I know.

"Coffee yes?" He asked looking up at me as if he already knew the answer.

"Hn."

"I'll take that as a yes!" He started about pulling me a cup from the cupboard and pouring me some of that pure liquefied crap he calls coffee. I drink coffee, just not the pot he makes. Wufei and I can't take that mess. It's like sludge, so we make a separate pot for just the two of us. When I drink that 'sludge' not only does my stomach hate me afterwards, but also I'm wound up like a clock with speedometer reading 500 Mph. As Wu-man said after chasing me down with Yuy's help and tying me to a chair to try an tranquilize me, 'I go fucking psycho.' I nearly died in my giggle fit from the hearing honor bound Wu-man say that. He's quite the funny guy when he's not trying to chop me into little Duo pieces.

"Here, it's fresh so it might be hot." He handed me the mug wrapped in a paper towel. He wasn't fucking around when he said it was hot. I hesitantly sipped it. Shocked that it didn't taste horrid. Then I remembered I taste from Heero's perspective. Of course I had to repress the urge to yelp as the boiling liquid branded my tongue. I squelched my hiss of pain and headed back for the door.

"Going back to your cave again, huh Heero?" Quatre smiled to himself when I turned back to look at him.

"Reports," was all I said.

"That's all you do so why be surprised."

"Wufei! Don't start a fight with him please! But really Heero, it's been a month since your last mission, I figured you'd have had them completed the first day." Shit. Shit. Shit. He was right.

"Hn."

"Well, either way, could you please check on Duo for me? I'm so worried about him! Ever since that mission in the northern arctic, he's been a little _off_. Could you discreetly ask him if his legs are still hurting? That's the only reason I could think he wouldn't be more lively recently." He pleaded with those ridiculously convincing eyes.

"What makes you think he'll tell me?" I asked with cold indifference. Shit, talking like Yuy is becoming too easy.

"Because, well… I'm not sure; but I think he really trusts you Heero! I know he'll tell you if you ask! Consider it a mission!"

"Mission accepted." I blinked taking another sip from my coffee and trudging out of the room.

So…'Kat was worried about me. Hmmm, I'm shocked he didn't ask me before this body switch. I wouldn't have gotten mad at him. I wonder. Q-ball is always open with me, so why wouldn't he…? I'll never know I guess.

I took the stairs slowly knowing that by the time I made it back up the stairs Heero should be done showering my body. I made the last step and slowly closed the space between the door and myself. Hearing no water, I decided it was safe. Not like it mattered, it was my body. I've seen it unclothed before anyways.

I walked in and wanted to just die of laughter. He was sitting on the middle of the bed with his legs crossed and hands on the bed between his knees, death-glaring my brush as if it were an OZ MS. He glanced up as if he was hoping I would spontaneously combust for catching him like that.

"Let me guess…can't figure out how to braid it?"

"Fix it," was all he graced me with.

"Very well, sit on the edge of the bed," I sighed locking the door before I moved away from it. That would be very hard to explain if they caught 'Heero' braiding 'Duo's' hair.

I walked around the edge of the bed and crawled up on it, seating myself behind him. Yes I know, that sounds incredibly wrong. At least I think it does, but what has to be done has to be done you know?

"Hand me the brush Hee-chan," I said not caring about names, considering no one would be able to hear us over the radio in the background. That radio is my god, almost. It hasn't been turned off once since we moved into this little safe house. I hate quiet, unlike everyone else. So what did they do? Gave me the room with the thickest walls of course! Yay me! Of course that doesn't stop me from cranking up the volume until they _can_ hear it.

He handed me the brush and I took it, sliding it into the semi-wet mass of hair that is my pride and joy. I groomed it to perfection. And I plan to keep doing that. Though I often think about what will happen when it gets to be about around my knees…Aye…It's getting close actually, then hanging at what would be my thighs…Luckily you lose length when you tie it back. Other wise I'd be sitting on it all the time! And I couldn't let that happen you know? Sheesh, I just gave an entire paragraph to my hair! I think I should consider setting my priorities straight. But I won't bore you with the schematics of Death Scythe…Though I think that would be a bit closer to a reasonable subject, no?

I never bother parting my hair since I braid it French style, it's too hard to start at the base of my neck. You figure it takes me almost 20 minutes to braid my hair. And that's a quick round. I'm kinda clumsy you see. But then I'm sure Hee-chan has mentioned that somewhere. Knowing him and all.

I deftly intertwined the equivalent parts tight enough so they had no chance of falling out. I had to sit back when I got to the longer part and eventually had to actually move back so I could get to it with out screwing it up. Damn I have long hair. No wonder that guy at the bar thought I was a chick. Not taking into account he said I have a nice ass. I won't even go there. What was I doing in a bar per say? Um…I really don't remember…Actually. And I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie! I love that quote…

"All done Hee-chan." I smiled.

"Get that smile off my face before I chop this unnecessary mess off your head."

I bit back a frightened squeak; then after composing myself to go into 'Heero, heart of stone, I must have grown up in a freezer, I'll kill you' mode. "You wouldn't dare! Unless you want me to kill this body and stick you in that one forever!" I threatened not really liking the idea of him having my precious body.

"You're a baka."…Monotone…Grrr….

"God damn you! Quit making me be so damned monotone! Laugh for fuck's sake!!!" I growled loudly.

"Just shut up. You're giving me a head ache."

"No you're making my body act weird that's what's giving it a head ache!"

"You're doing it too!" He shouted, clenching a fist. Fina-fucking-ly! Some emotion! Le gasp! He _can_ do it! Oh god, I think I'm having a heart attack…

He shot his fist toward me. The Yuy way: hit targets that irritate him rather than solve it like a normal human. Oh no…couldn't possibly think to be human about it. I dodged it with ridiculous ease.

"Come on, that's all you're gonna try?" I growled low in my throat. Something I don't do in my own body.

"Excuse me, it's harder to adjust to a weaker body!"

"You think I'm weak!?"

"Yes I do! No wonder Wufei can't stand you! He always said he couldn't stand weak people!" He sneered. Ouch that one hit home.

"You know what Yuy!? _Fuck you_! You cold bastard! Do you have a fucking soul at all!? Am I that much fucking trouble for you? You seem to think I do nothing but make you miserable! Well when this is over, I'll leave as soon as I can! Fuck, if it makes you feel better I'll even let you kill me! You sure as hell threaten me enough! I bet you're about ready to anytime. Not to mention it wouldn't hurt your conscience at all! Since, You. Don't. Have. One!" I was angry…_very_ angry.

The fist he threw in my face went unnoticed until it connected with my jaw and he was stomping out of my room with the most sincere 'pissed off' look I've ever seen on my own face. Meaning: it was real.

'Damn it. This just isn't going well at all.' But then again you put two polar opposites in each other's bodies and you get a recipe for disaster. Though I question why he hit me. I mean, it's not like what I said made a difference to him. I'm just a stupid baka to him. It wouldn't affect him…right?

**To be continued…**


	6. 06 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Six_

Heero

I was so incredibly mad in ways I'd never been before. I mean I've yelled at him for other things such as: being too loud or getting in my way when I was trying to write a report or something. But he's never pissed me off so completely. I hit him without thinking twice. All because of what he said to me.

"You know what Yuy!? _Fuck you_! You cold bastard! Do you have a fucking soul at all?! Am I that much fucking trouble for you? You seem to think I do nothing but make you miserable! Well when this is over, I'll leave as soon as I can! Fuck, if it makes you feel better I'll even let you kill me! You sure as hell threaten me enough! I bet you're about ready to anytime. Not to mention it wouldn't hurt your conscience at all! Since, You. Don't. Have. One!"

It stung, really. He truly believed that I was that cold. And granted, to him I probably do come off as being that cold. I tell him to 'get out of my sight or I'll kill him' a lot. And I suppose I should have bitten back that bout of anger that flared up…because I probably deserved it. I stomped away, immediately realizing that it was my fault.

I stopped in the middle of the staircase contemplating going back, but Chang walked into the room and saw me, so I continued to make my way down. I came face to face with him on the last step. He had stopped like he was going to say something.

"I have serious doubts Yuy said anything to you, but are you-" He stopped when he realized I hadn't made the last step. My legs throbbed and bucked as I took the last step. I fell right into him and a loud shriek escaped my throat as I realize my legs were on fire! Pain shot up both of them and I could feel the beads of sweat rolling off my forehead as I clawed at my legs with my fingers as they inflated with pain.

It wasn't long after that Winner came barreling out of the kitchen in 'mother' mode. "What happened?! I heard a scream!?"

"I don't know! He was coming off the last step and collapsed right into me!" I barely remember hearing Chang.

"I knew it was his legs! Get Trowa to bring some cold towels!" He took me from Chang and carefully brought me to the sofa in the middle of the TV room. "Why didn't you bother to say you were in pain, Duo! You could have been seriously hurt!"

"I…" I gasped trying to focus out the pain. "I didn't want to bother you."

"Bother us… Bother us?! You know I would drop everything for you Duo! You're my best friend! You know Trowa would do the same! And when it really coimes down to it, so would Wufei!"

I winced internally. They didn't think I would help the baka, hence my name being omitted. That stung almost as bad as Maxwell's comments and those were actually _meant _to hurt me, unlike Winner's statement. I tried to sit up, but that required using my legs and that only made me yelp. I suppose I really underestimated the amount of pain he was in. I had felt the dull throbbing, but I really didn't think it was any thing more than me thinking about it and imagining it.

Chang and Trowa returned with the items Winner requested. "Cold towels mother, please take care of brother." I actually laughed as I heard that come from Chang. And I must have really sounded like Maxwell then.

"It seems you have a sense of humor after all, Wu-man." I vaguely heard myself say with a slight chuckled before biting my bottom lip from the agony that was pulsing through my legs.

"Don't overexert yourself, Duo!" He said wrapping each of my legs with a cold towel to reduce the swelling. "Why won't you at least try to take some medication?" He pleaded with me.

"Because you know as well as I, that I would have to take a near lethal amount for it to work, and I can take this. That's it on that subject, Q-ball."

I never realized how much I really do take in when I'm around him until I'm put in his shoes and I'm able to mimic him almost perfectly, save a few fuck ups here and there. A few minutes in his body and I started thinking like him too. That's almost…scary.

That was about the time my stomach growled and loud enough to be heard.

"You must be hungry, neh? I'll go get you something to eat! You stay there and don't you dare try to move! Wufei is going to make sure you don't, in fact!"

"I am?" Chang blinked.

"YES!"

"Okay! Fine, I'll watch the baka." He grumbled. Winner nodded and stalked off to fetch this hungry body it's normal intake of food. In other words, he was probably going to have Trowa help him bring it out.

"So Maxwell, what did you and Heero fight about?" The question came at me in such a way that it kinda surprised me.

"What do you mean?" I spoke hesitantly, and I probably looked like I was trying to hide something. Which I was…so really…I'm not as good an actor as Duo…Hmm. I'll have to work on that I suppose.

"I heard the yelling. And I also heard the smack of your fist against his face. At a velocity of which I'm sure left a mark to be admired." Damn, I never talk to Chang much so I had no idea this man talks so…Scholar-like. Actually I never knew him to talk this much at all.

"Well…it was just…"

"It was nothing." I turned my head to see, well, me standing at the bottom of the steps. "I said something out of line. He hit me. End of story. Now what's with the screaming I heard? Assumingly from Baka?" I knew what he was trying to do. He was discreetly trying to find out what I did to his body. Though it wasn't my fault. The way he'd been walking around recently, I figured he'd healed already. Of course now that I think about it, he had been avoiding being on his feet as much as possible.

"My legs just hurt. That's all you need to know." I snipped at him, staring him clean in the face. I could see him visibly twitch.

"Why is it you said nothing about this before?"

"Because I didn't think you would care, if you really want to know the truth." Hit that one dead on the nail. It makes me wonder what he was thinking when his eyes glanced away from me.

All he did was snort. He walked around to lean against the wall opposite of me. "You'll live?"

"Yes, thank you very much; though your concern for my welfare is simply _heartbreaking_!"

"Okay both of you, stop it." We both turned to see Quatre walking into the room with a tray and Trowa following behind with a couple cups of what I assumed to be coffee. "I don't know what happened between you two, but cut it out. It's putting stress on Duo's still healing body."

"In other words; leave him be, Heero." Trowa, who's usually silent, spoke sternly. "And that goes for you as well, Wufei."

"My place is not to baby-sit this baka anyways, however it's necessary he get better." He said as a matter of fact. And of course he's referring to baka's brand-new upgraded Death Scythe Hell Custom. Tack anymore names onto that stupid thing as it'll get a sentence of it's own. I was a bit concerned about piloting the new model actually. It had a new system in it that was totally different from Zero's. And supposedly Duo was chosen to be the tester for it since he was best compatible with the data for it.

I'm not sure I want to pilot completely blind anyways, as the new system would be based off nothing but enhanced mental assessments of where the enemy would be an when they would attack. I didn't see where it would be beneficial, but they said they'd replaced the old system to up the reaction speed. As if the damn thing isn't already the fastest one…now add twice the speed? I foresee unfair advantages in Gundam racing…that was a joke…laugh damn it.

Though hopefully I'd be out of his body and back into my own before then. Because my mind is much better suited for Zero System as his is much better suited for the Negative X System.

I leaned back as Quatre half force-fed me. And I watched discreetly as 'Heero' slipped out of the room. I outwardly sighed without intending to.

This whole arrangement, to put in Duo's exact wording, _sucked_, it really did.

**To be continued…**


	7. 07 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Seven _

Duo

I sat between hating his guts and moderate contempt. I pushed the door open to his room and threw myself into his bed. The way he spoke to me…It wasn't right. I wasn't at fault here. At least I didn't see it that way. Is it so wrong just to want to talk to him? Is that strange to crave his attention the way I do? I can get any of the others to pay attention to me… even Wufei! But for once, just once, I'd like to have Heero acknowledge me. Just once and I'd never bother him again.

I guess I was just angry at the way he'd said some of the things. His replies to my questions made it seem like he really didn't give a flying monkey's ass what happened to me. Then again he probably didn't. So I guess I lost point in all of this. But geeze, am I that annoying? Say yes and you can kiss your sweet ass goodbye. Because I am not wrong here!

I sighed laying back on the mattress with the sheets all folded neatly, one pillow and the dullest most boring looking blanket ever laying atop it. How can one be so dull? I mean I know he was raised to be a walking military army, but come on! Humans are naturally frivolous creatures! I know that better than anyone! Hell, I instigate death! And yet I still manage a human forefront.

"Heero, Heero, Heero…Why must you be like this? I know there's a normal guy somewhere in you." I mindlessly said fingering a single picture frame set on the blank table beside his bed. I ran my finger over the wooden design mindlessly, before coming to the picture itself. I traced the outline of the people. One finger followed the messy brown hair to the figure next to him. My thumb ran a line along the glass as it followed the chestnut colored hair that was weaved into a long braid. Wait…Braid?

I sat up and actually look at the photograph. Finally comprehending the image. It was Heero…and I. Just us. Dressed to kill, I might add. And I don't mean that in the literal sense. But damn I must say we looked like a million bucks each! Both clad in black slacks, and white button up shirts; with half made ties and several buttons undone. I, of course, looked like I'd just pounced Heero; with both of my arms around his neck and my face next to his, my long hair draping over his shoulder and resting on his chest. The most shocking of this was the smile on his face in addition to my own.

It took me a moment to remember when that picture had been taken. It was taken by Quatre, who simply loved to snap shots of everyone looking their finest. I remembered the one of Trowa and myself. I made him crack a smile when I discovered his ticklish spot. If you look hard enough you can even see Wu-man in the background chuckling. With as many pictures as Kat took you'd have thought we were at a photo shoot.

I glanced back down to the picture, curious as to why he had the same picture on his nightstand that I had on mine. I remembered asking Kat for a copy of all of them, but the only one I displayed was that one. I wondered if maybe he'd asked Kat for copies too. Or maybe he kidnapped the negatives and made it himself. Neither would come as a real shock to me.

The shock was that he displayed any picture at all in his dreary room, let alone the only one we'd ever taken together. I would have more pictured him tacking it to his door and seeing if he could shoot me clean out of the picture without putting holes in himself. Just for practice you know? Dude, he really can do that! I asked him to shoot out a duck from a blank piece of paper and, even though the wing is crooked, he did! I think it might have been perfect if he'd had a little more artistic skill. I was shocked he obliged my annoying request, but then again he did follow that with an, "If you ask something like that of me again, I'll shoot a duck pattern out of you." So I never bothered to ask again. I still have that thing too. I tried to get him to sign it but he kicked his shoe off at me.

But straying from my initial point, this new revelation confused me deeply. Of course, I remembered that and realized I had to make a quick trip to my room to put that picture away. I mean how creepy would that be. Though, the one I really wanted to put away was the picture of Heero alone. Yeah, I had to bribe Kat for a copy of that without telling anyone else I'd asked for it.

I placed the picture back on the table and stood, sliding off the bed, not even bothering to fix the rumpled blanket. I exited the room and turned toward mine and, with all my luck, I had to run into Wufei! He was looking at me all weird-like. Of course that could be because he happened to see me walking into "Duo's" room.

"He did say you could go in his room right? Or have you confused your room to his?" He questioned me.

"He gave me permission."

"Yeah, but why do you need to go in there?" Wufei…did not believe me. Damn him and his perceptiveness to things that aren't right.

"I need to borrow his laptop." I replied and walked in, hotly aware of Wu-man's presence. Whenever I'm hiding something, I might be able to keep it from the others; but Wufei has an air about him that makes me confess and at that moment that would be very bad. I don't want to invoke Hee-chan's wrath. He can be very scary when he wants to be.

I closed the door behind me and sighed. It was much easier to root through all my stuff without Wu-man wondering why "Heero" was going through all "Duo's" stuff. Geeze this crap gets confusing…

I picked up the framed picture that I'd come to hide. I loved that picture I really did. He looked so relaxed. It was nice to see him not so stone cold and serious. He was laughing in this picture. I think that was from the time Wufei tripped me into the punch table and I smashed my elbow screaming loud profanities—that made the fancied people cringe—all the while through hysterical laughter as I tend to do when I hurt myself. I remembered him bursting into laughter at my antics. Ironic it takes me hurting myself to get a smile, a genuine one, out of him.

Quatre with his handy hand camera. He filled up our album that night. Of course it's not like we don't see each other enough. We live together almost always. Every now and then we get split up, but mostly it's impossible to separate us.

Either way, I'm fond of it, hence the reason it sits on my nightstand. I generally don't let people in my room so I never bothered to hide it. The only one who knows I have is Quatre and he's buddies with me and would never tell on me for something like that.

I really wanted to find out how to fix our situation. I mean really. The longer I sat in his body the more and more I began to act like him and worse, the more I began to understand him and like him even more. Isn't that some kind of creepy? Even for me? But then again I always liked Hee-chan for some strange reason; he's one of the view people I ever willingly helped. Hell, I even forgave him for stripping parts off my Death Scythe! And for me to do that you know I approve of him! But I had a question in my mind of which I would eventually ask him. I really wanted to know why he had that picture. Not that I was mad at him for it, but it was kind of strange for him to have anything in his room at all let alone a picture. And one with ME in it no less! Especially when he tells me he hates me so much.

I stood up to venture back down to the living room, wondering for a brief moment if he'd noticed the picture before, but with the shit that happened I highly doubted that. I caught the tale end of the conversation as I neared the end of the hall.

"Yeah, they just called. Zechs said he would come see how you were doing. I guess that's nice of him. I'm not sure why though. He doesn't really know you that well, except for that time in China when you were stuck together in the prison, but then again, you've been in a prison with just about everyone haven't you Duo?"

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for pointing it out to me again Kat."

"Damn it, Zechs…you're going to mess everything up. Heero won't know what happened. Gah…Why does this happen to me?" I scratched the back of my head, mumbling ungratefully, under my breath.

You know sometimes the worst, more unexplainable shit in the world happens. And you want to know something funnier? It always fucking happens to me. Oops, there goes that fucking American vulgarism. I guess I'm just a first class fucking American mouthpiece. At least that's how Wufei always said it. I sometimes sincerely think he hates my guts. Not truly. I think he detests me with passions beyond normal human belief. Though, I do antagonize him a lot.

I watched 'Duo' talking to Quatre and it kinda bugged me. Was I that easy to imitate? That damned predictable? Even so much that Heero, of all people, could play my role and make it so believable? Damn me and my predica-fucking-bility.

"This fucking sucks…" I whispered to myself again. I have a habit of talking aloud. I do it subconsciously even, which is a horrible thing…when you have people like…

"What sucks…_Duo_?"

…Wufei.

"Uh…" I turned around. "What are you talking about?" I tried to play the 'I'm innocent, now fuck off and leave me alone, bitch,' act but that never works when you're in the body of a person who never says more than 'hn' unless necessary.

"Please. Do you _really_ think me to be that blind? I mean it may not be a logical thing, but when you're acting like Duo and talking like him, _then _the 'real' Duo shoots up holes in the wall screaming about failing missions…I'm not ignorant, I'm educated you know. And I know what's going on here." He gave me that stern 'I'm Wufei, bitch, don't fuck with me or I'll shove my flame thrower up your ass and turn it on', look.

"Damn you and your perceptiveness, Fei-man. Just damn you to hell and back man."

"Well then, having that established. Don't you think you ought to explain?"

"Fine, I'll tell ya what happened, but you tell anyone and I'll do the Heero thing and kill ya. I promise."

"Oh please, baka, just shut up and talk."

"Fine, fine! You're so mean to me."

"That's a ridiculous look coming from Heero's face."

"Don't make me smile at you!"

"Oh heaven forbid." Sarcasm. Such bland sarcasm at that. Sometimes I hate you Fei, sometimes the loathing you give to me is reciprocated.

"Okay, if you'll hush I'll get started…now where should I begin?"

**To be continued…**


	8. 08 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo **  
_Chapter Eight _

Heero

The pain in my legs finally dulled. If I'd known he was in so much damn pain in the first place, I would have never let that baka bounce around the way he been. He had been pretending to be fine, when he was really tormenting himself just trying to look like he was back to normal. Even I, of all people, knew when to take it easy. I guess he thought that maybe we, or more specifically I, would think he was weak. For something of that magnitude, I think even I would have some sympathy. But then again, I'm not really sure I would have. Most likely I would have told him to quit his bitching.

It was so hard being in his body where his hormones were jumping all over the place making me act so out of character. His body was much more relaxed than mine and made me feel less edgy; which made me act like I was—put your drink down so you don't choke—human.

I was also unaware of the depression Duo swings through. The first wave hit me so hard I got spots in front of my eyes. As Quatre walked away to retrieve something that I don't remember him telling me, I could feel the weight on my chest. And what it was from, I'm not entirely sure. I just, at that moment, felt so dull and sick. If it weren't for the blonde mop of hair that swung through the back door, I might have taken opportunity to slink up to Duo's room and sleep away what ever was making me feel so damn horrible.

"Ah! Zechs! You're here already!" That was Quatre, as usual; everywhere at every moment, and still managing to accomplish everything like always.

"I had to shake off…my sister." He shook his head as he pulled the helmet off. He'd still used his alias, only because he had to keep up relations with both sides—the colonies and earth—one using Miliardo and the other as Zechs.

"Oh no…"

"Don't worry I lost her…At least I hope. Can I denounce her as family? Are you allowed to do that in a royal family line?" Now that's something I didn't think I would hear. I knew, or I thought, Zechs cared deeply for his sister. But maybe she annoyed him too much as well. Just like she had bugged the shit out of me. Yep, there goes those Duo hormones again. Making me talk American like. I refuse to think I'm doing that willingly. So I'll blame it on baka in some way at least.

"Could be worse I suppose…You could be related to Dorothy too." I mumbled loud enough for him to hear me. Now I would have tried to act more cheerful, but that lead like feeling in my chest was just not going away like I was hoping it would. Damn, how does Duo live in this body?!

"That's simply too cruel an image to even put on me, Duo." He blanched. An odd look on his face if ever I saw one. I suppose we've all changed a lot. Well, maybe a little. And me not so much really.

"Oh I would never wish it upon you! Unless you did something worthy of it. Then you know I could always hunt her down and simply give her your address. I think that would be divine punishment for any wrongful thing you would ever do to me! Then again that would work on anyone! Except Heero, of course, he'd take worse to Relena instead of Dorothy!" Truer words have never been said, even if by me substituting as Maxwell.

"Don't even mention it to him." Wufei strolled up and leaned on the back of the couch I was on. I noticed 'Heero' leaned against the wall. He mouthed something to me but I couldn't catch it because my attention was taken away. "If you want to commit a surefire suicide walk up to him and simply speak her name fondly."

Even I had to laugh at that. As rare as it is for me to find something funny. That was. Relena was a stalker. And Zechs had to know it. There in lies the issue I was having. I'm not very fond of Zechs. Actually, we're mutual enemies really. However I know Duo, who worked on a mission with him, didn't object to him. Zechs had been so kind as to finally get the animal out of his ass and join our side as one of the Gundam Team as pilot 06 and a Preventor. So we were used to seeing that pampered face all the time.

Duo had spent around three weeks holed up in a tiny room with the guy. So likely they either hated each other with burning passions or they made truce and became friends. Seeing Mr. Merquise in the living room before me only confirmed the suspicion, that they had found mutual companionship. Which, _fuck_—if I do say so myself—was bad for me right now.

"Hey, Duo." I looked up to see Wufei. There was a look in his eyes that bothered my internal instincts. Or maybe I was still hungry…with Duo, I would not be surprised. And when the _fuck_ did I start calling him by his first name!? God, that word is so pleasing to say for some odd reason…

"Yeah, Wu-bunny?" I had to bite my lip not to laugh as he scowled at me morbidly.

"Do you think you can walk? I really need to talk to you and um…Heero. And here is not a good place to do it." He spoke low so that the others, conversing with miniscule pleasantries, wouldn't hear.

"Like what Fei?" I asked more seriously.

"Well, when we get alone I'll tell you, 'Heero'." He whispered so low that I almost strained, but I heard that last word as if he'd shouted it to the world.

I paled. I mean, visibly. Quatre went to comment on it but I nodded him off and waved him to continue talking. Which, gratefully, he did.

I stood very cautiously. Being careful with my numb legs. I used Wufei for support. He seemed more concerned than I would have ever thought. But then again I rarely even talk to the others, save for baka, so I really can't say I know the better side of them like Maxwell does.

"How the hell do you know about this?" I whispered harshly, motioning for Quatre to let me go with them momentarily.

"Maxwell is known to spill his guts when I back him into a corner."

"I suppose that would be the whisper of what remains of the morbid 'crush' he had on you." I smirked as, what was essentially my face turned into a distorted flaming red look of complete and utter horror.

"Hee-chan!" He whispered so harshly that I couldn't help but grin, even if he'd made my face look stupid.

"Ooooh, so _that's_ what the deal was." Wufei smirked too, but he didn't look at either of us. That would seem too weird most likely. He'd feel like he was talking to me, when he was actually talking to Duo. "Why Duo…" He said in fake sweetness, "you should have said something!"

"Yeah right and have the heel of your foot pounded through my face. I'd rather not, thank you. But that's okay, we all know Hee-chan had the growing affection for Mr. Merquise, isn't that right?" He smirked and I glared at him.

"I did not!" I defended. Lies I tell you lies! And clearly I suck at making them.

"You can't even say that without sounding obvious! Though, I do hate to inform you that Mr. tall, blonde and hotness, clearly has a thing for _me_; since he came all this way just to see if little old me is all right."

I growled. That was enough to piss me off. Because anyone. I mean anyone, even me, could see that Zechs had made a special trip for a certain brunette. And yes I will admit it ate away at me bit; but the strangest thing is, it wasn't because of Zechs…It was because Zechs was after Duo. Yes, that may sound strange in the least. Even to me. But that nearly drew blood into my eyes. Zechs would not get close to Duo. I wouldn't let that happen. I was in just the right position to ensure it. I wasn't doing it on the outside, but on the inside I was smirking. Go ahead Zechs. Try it.

"All idiocy aside. What do you plan to do about this?" Wufei broke into my thoughts before I could map out my plan. I can be conniving sometimes.

"I don't know, but Hee-chan better straighten up, other wise it won't take long for Quatre to notice…and Zechs for that matter. Neither of them is stupid. And from what I just caught he's staying here for a few days until we know his sister is out of the area and unable to back track and trace us because of him. So behave yourself Heero." Duo said sterner than I'd ever seen him.

It was either a 'don't fuck this up for me' or a 'don't you even think of hitting on him in my body.' I couldn't tell, so that left me to the conclusion that I would make certain that blonde aristocrat never want to see Duo's face again.

"Okay, before we invoke suspicions. Let's go back into that room. Are your legs all right H- er- Duo or should I carry you?"

I put on my best Duo façade. "Oh Fei! How thoughtful of you!"

"I take it back. Suffer." He walked away; but stuck close by, as to motion for us to follow him.

"You sure you're all right?" Duo asked standing next to me.

"Yeah, but if you want your body back, you can have it anytime now."

"Trust me Heero, I'd take it back if only to get out of yours. I don't know about you but I _like_ being the loud obnoxious one in the group." He said walking ahead of me in order to slide off and stand by the door. I couldn't help but notice him discreetly watching Merquise.

Yep, I was going to make Zechs think twice about approaching Duo. He was on _my_ territory now.

**To be continued…**


	9. 09 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Nine _

Duo

Shit. Another divine word used to describe a multitude of things. For instance, 'what is this shit?' meaning bad things; or 'that dude just stepped in shit', which would be the literal term. But my favorite is 'oh shit'…. which basically means bad shit is going down. Catch my drift here? Good, then language lesson 2 is complete. Don't forget I may quiz you.

But aside from my opening ploy to amuse you, this was turning out to be the worst day of my life and it was only noon. Yes, damn it, I said noon. First I wake up in Hee-chan's body, my body (of which he's in) decides to have a bad day and collapses, then Mr. hot, blonde, and delicious shows up to see how I—as in Duo Maxwell—is doing. And the unfairness of it all is that Hee-chan was in my body!

It's not fair. I'd gotten to know Mr. Merquise quite a bit while we were taken prisoners and locked in a room no bigger than a bathroom stall. No, I'm not exaggerating. I shit you not, that's how big the room was. It took us a while before we figured out a way that we could both sit down. After spending eighteen hours standing of course. He was quite the gentleman! Although I think it scared our captors in the slightest when they walked in and I was snoozing in the man's lap. I was tired! So sue me!

He slipped off by the door and ripped my eyes away from Zechs to watch Hee-er-'Duo' retake his place on the couch. Wufei stood next to me, the sly little bastard that he is. Of course, of all people he had the best chance of figuring out. I mean he pays more attention to our behavior than everyone gives him credit for. Even more than Quatre, who's usually crying about something or other. No offense Quatre, babe, but…world famine in the 1700's was not your fault…not matter how much you would like to believe that it was and cry over just in case.

And Trowa? I'm not sure if he's even human. He talks less, shows emotion less, and threatens to kill people less than even Heero! Though I'm sure he's better at petting lions and doing that neat yoga crap they do at circuses…Wait you mean that's not yoga? Then what do you call it? Oh yeah! Acrobatics! My bad.

"Sooo…Anyone gonna say anything or do I have to start?" 'Duo' said like perfect.

"I believe, if I'm correct and hardly am I ever wrong, you just did start by asking who was going to start." I corrected him, knowing that he would say something like that only because he's said that to me once before; being the unintentional smart ass that he can be.

"Thank you Mr. Smart ass. Your sarcasm is about as appealing as mixing Cocaine with Nyquil." He rolled his eyes. Now that was certainly the interesting come back! Hee-chan may have a chance yet, to regain the humanity he's never had!

"Hmm…It's has interesting effects actually." Every stopped to look at Wufei. "So I heard anyways."

"Really now Fei!"

"It was a joke, damn you. Laugh." Fei snarled. Heh, I know I've rubbed off on him when he goes and says something like that! I heard Hee-chan say it a few times too! I'm such an influence on these people! I rock! Oh yes I do! Now all I have to do is make Trowa blink and I'll have completely turned everyone human! Wootah! Oh and I need to make Quatre stop crying. Once I've achieved that then I officially go from being a level 70 Paladin to a level 100 God. Yeah making Q-bean quit crying is major experience points right there. Yes, I have been digging through 21st century video games again. Because seriously, I wouldn't play our latest: "Final Fantasy; the final version, no I'm not kidding this time, I freaking swear, XXXIX", I'm not lying when I say there's still a guy named Cid in that game.

But all of that jazz aside—hah, I sound so American—at least everyone was lightening up. It only took a wise crack about Cocaine and Nyquil. Yeah, easy crowd we are. Yep, uh huh…okay hurry up and leave so we can get our peace pipes out…get it? Peace? I'm just kidding people; please don't tell your parents… Actually I'm proud to say I'm drug-free! Haha! And I'll die before every drug addict alive, knowing my luck.

Being quiet was getting horribly boring. And poor Hee-chan must have been ready to simply combust, what with having to be all happy and stuff. Though it was giving me small heart attacks that he could play my part so well. I never thought I was that predictable, or that he, gasp, actually paid attention to me. Though that last bit made me feel a little better. Seeing that picture in his room and the knowledge that he possibly noticed that I existed was a good sign that maybe he didn't hate me as much as he put off.

I almost contemplated leaving, but I knew Heero would not have that. He would have hunted me down and shot me several times if I left him to the wrath of Zechs and company. So what was I supposed to do? For god's sake this was flippin torture.

I cleared my throat as I finally formulated a rather plausible plan. You see since my accident—going so many stories only to break my legs on a heft layer of ice (hurt like a horrid bitch indeed)—I began my recovery, which included leg conditioning. Yes indeed, for once my (ever so painful) accident had come in handy; thank you god, you may hate me most of the time but I know there's at least a tiny bit of love hidden underneath all that loathing I'm sure you feel for me. (No I do not have low self-esteem). Oh and the best part of it is, it's always Wufei and Heero who put up with me. Sometimes Trowa does and Quatre too, but usually they're making attempts to fix food and clean my hell hole of a room up to living standards…I swear they care too much about me.

"Duo." I spoke shortly and pointed to the clock once his eyes hell on me. Or would it be more appropriate to say once 'my' eyes fell on 'me'? Oh…that's too confusing…I think he got the hint pretty easy though. Hee-chan always is on the same thought process level as I am. Or, more than not, on the level just above mine where the smart and mature people hang out.

"Oh right, conditioning." Judging by the tone he used, it was easy to assume he knew I hated conditioning; because they were like slave drivers and usually made me want to die right there before we were even half done. They're half the reason I've healed so damn fast, and my inhuman chemical treatment was partially responsible.

"You haven't done that yet today have you?" Wufei added, knowing it would give him more of a chance to wheedle more info out of us. Damn Fei is conniving. I always knew there was a little bastard somewhere in there. Wait…that doesn't make sense…Fei-baby was always more dominantly 'bastard'…okay, never mind then.

"But we have company!" He cried and of course if I played the 'Heero Yuy' part the right way, we would run off with him in our care no matter what he said.

"Don't let me stop you. Your recovery is most important." Zechs smiled at the 'Duo' before me; and I saw a slight twitch on that face, as if Heero—underneath my skin—did not approve of the man's friendliness.

"Stop having your conniption fit and lets go." I said sternly.

"Fine…" He sighed, dropping his shoulders as he slid out of his seat and walked slowly over to Wu-man and I.

"If it weren't creepy as hell, I would kiss you right now for saving me like that. Tell anyone I said that and you can kiss your braid goodbye." He whispered so that only I and possibly Wu-man could hear.

"You seriously need to get out of my body…I think it may be indulging you to a sense of humor." I replied with a faint grin.

"Yes, and it's giving you a true taste of actual brain activity."

I growled. "Let's go, baka," I retorted yanking on what was essentially My braid. Actually, in truth I thought Hee-chan's comeback was gold. If only I'd thought of it.

"Ow, shit head, you're hurting my legs!"

"Correction, my legs, and you're really getting up there with your vocabulary, Hee-chan! I think I'm proud of you!"

"Just shut up and don't talk to me, ever again." He replied going back to the ice block mode.

You really do get a taste of what another person's life is like what you're put in their place. I think I was beginning to understand Hee-chan, at least maybe a little. He liked being quiet, I think, because he preferred to watch. As I was watching them converse in the living room I realized so much about my surroundings. Like I never realized how Wufei always smirked when he knew he was about to say something that was totally out of character. Or that he even spoke out of character. Being the silent listener really humbled me from always being the loud outspoken one. I guess…Hell, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore…

"So…What now? Oh wise one?" Wufei looked toward me.

"I haven't gotten that far." I replied honestly. Because remember kids, I may run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie!

"Well perhaps we should at least make it look like we're actually doing what we said we were going to do." Heero's always such the logical one! Tch! No Hee-chan, I wanted to light a bon fire and dance naked around it while singing to some strange foreign god! Well, no shit we're going to do what we came here for…geeze…and you know I'm grateful I didn't say that out loud.

"Hey, do you guys need anything?" Trowa popped his head in the doorway to the large gym that was in Quatre's ridiculously oversized, 'spare' house. How can you have a spare house? That's got to be like a crime somewhere! Geeze, I would have been happy to have a spare pair of shoes when I was growing up. Oh man, even a pair of shoes alone would have been a nice treat!

"Naw, I think we're fine." 'Duo' answered for us.

"All right, Quatre and I will entertain our guest for the time being." He said nothing more and left.

"You know, it's almost sickening how accurate you can play Duo's part, Heero." Wufei spoke once he was sure the taller man was gone and out of earshot.

"I know, be thankful it's not you in this situation. I think you would have already killed yourself by now, though. You and your inability to properly tolerate Duo in the slightest." Geeze Hee-chan is so mean to me, even when not talking to me.

"Du-er-Heero, do me a favor will you?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't use such large words out of his mouth, it troubles and unnerves me." He spoke completely deadpanned.

"Hey! That hurt some feelings over here!" I retorted in my own defense.

"Oh and Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't act like that. It's even more horrifying seeing an outwardly emotional Heero, than seeing you smart." Well damn…at least I wasn't the only one getting cracked on. "Let's just get started okay?"

"Fine." Hee-chan and I both spoke in unison.

After about, oh say maybe twenty minutes of carefully stretching 'my' damaged legs. And listening to Heero actually bitch for a change. I guess it's true that my body can feel more than his as he was discovering this for himself. I guess he finally understood what kinda pain I've been in.

It wasn't until a few minutes later until it happened, after we had taken a break. (You see normally Wufei would hold me up on my feet by the shoulders from behind me and Heero would do all sorts of wicked twisty shit with my legs and while it did hurt while he was doing it, I did feel better later.) Quatre came screaming in bearing news so horrible, so wretched, and terrifying that it would make us all shrink into our skin and hope to die quick and relatively painless deaths. It was so bad, I would have (in my own body of course) chopped off all of my beautiful hair in order to never hear those spoken words again.

"You guys! We have bad news! Relena's here!!"

All three of us—yes, Wufei included—recoiled in horror and at about the same time let off a screech of a word that was probably heard by everyone in that half of the earth sphere.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**To be continued…**


	10. 10 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_Chapter Ten _

Heero

Relena. Part of speech: proper noun. Description: Female name. Synonyms: Stalker, psycho, bitch, pink, horrid pink, pink Limo, human that I—Heero Yuy—will one day, take the pleasure of killing…very slowly. One who is hated by all, quite possibly including her own brother. Obsessed. The epitome of all that is evil in this world.

Yes, that might be considered humor to you, but to me that nice little paragraph is fact. Down to every annoying detail. I should have shot her. I should have shot her. Damn you, Maxwell, should have let me shoot her. She makes me unnerved. She makes me feel emotions, very passionate ones…like hate. Or like, intense irritation. And the only other person to ever do that is Maxwell, and he may be annoying…but it's more of a likeable annoying than Relena. I'm starting to make little sense.

Then again, unlike Relena, Duo could be amusing. Though most of the time I question his level of sanity. Actually I question all of ours, but him most specifically; especially when I walk into a room to find him laying in the middle of the floor, lighting matches under a blanket…He still won't explain that one to me. He says: "Don't sorry bout it." I think I should. Or like when every time some one is talking mathematically and says Pi R Square. He replies with, 'no they're not!' and laughs like it was the funniest thing since Dorothy's eyebrows (which are very frightening as well as hilarious).

But all the nonsense aside—which I tend to ramble on about when unrestricted in my own thoughts—Relena meant bad, horrid things…And unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, Duo would be the one dealing with 'miss princess pink, the greatest Heero Yuy stalker 9.0', don't ask where the 9.0 came in…it seemed to fit at the time. Remind me to smite Duo for corrupting me.

"Uhhh…What are we gonna do?" 'Heero' (I can't wait until I can type out names in an normal and less confusing fashion.) looked at me, with this pitiful look that was probably what my face would have looked like anyway, had I been in it. Relena tends to bring out the human in me, more or less the negative part of my human psyche.

"Just deal with her, for about five minutes, distract her; I'll grab the fire poker and while she's not looking I'll crack it over her head. You and I can bury the body, erase the memory of all who witnessed it—including ourselves—and no one will ever have to know what happened."

"Well then…" Wufei said looking at me probably wanting to immediately address the face with the given name, yet knowing that the person inhabiting the body was someone else; it must have felt weird to him. Calling Duo's image 'Heero'. I'm still flabbergasted at how he figured out this whole deal; but then again, if he pulled the strings right I'm sure he could get Maxwell to do anything short of hanging himself upside down from a tree in the pouring rain while chanting satanic verses in the rhythm of a child story book song. And even then, I wouldn't be entirely too shocked if Maxwell did even that!

"What?" I finally replied, feeling slightly stupid for letting my thoughts wander and wondering where the image of Maxwell hanging upside down in a tree came from.

"You sounded _too_ much like Maxwell there."

"You make that sound like a horrible thing," Duo added. (As long as you people know Duo and I are switched in bodies then I'm not going to bother with 'fixing' names to faces. Even I am human enough to admit that I undergo confusion in certain circumstances. Yes, I have an extensive vocabulary. Get a dictionary, it does wonders.)

"Uh…what's going on here?"

"Um…nothing, Wufei is delusional. Come on." I grabbed both Wufei and, in all technicality, my body and fled from Quatre's confused yet still somehow prying eyes. He's not getting anything out of me. He may get everyone else with those large overly concerned eyes of his, but I'm not falling for it.

"That's was ridiculously close…" Maxwell said as we treaded down the hall…or more or less tried, the legs I was currently trying to walk on just did not want to cooperate.

"You didn't help the situation…" I grumbled as that stinging sensation came back in slow increments.

"Look that was my fault. We can blame it on the Nyquil and Cocaine and they'll never know better." Wufei said glancing from one to the next; probably mentally confusing himself, like I have, and definitely like baka had. I mean if I was perplexing myself, then he had to. There's just no question.

We walked out into the large, extravagant, overly expensive living room of the gods (in other words, Quatre's living room) and there stood the object of my annoyance… Relena herself.

Though, the almost amusing thing was—upon walking into the room—I noticed Zechs mouthing words to me, obviously thinking me to be Duo and what would give him any indication that I wasn't? I mean not many people wouldn't believe that all of a sudden and quite randomly, Maxwell and I would switch bodies. And to be honest, even I myself didn't think it was possible; much less know a real explanation or real proof to give that we really were in the predicament we said we were in. Good thing no one, except Wufei (who was gratefully believing), had any question to the strange behavior we were both displaying.

I almost snorted but caught myself when I read the words, 'Tell Heero that now is his chance, if he's serious,' off Zechs's lips. Even the girl's own brother wouldn't mind seeing her face down with a gaping wound in her head and a pool of blood around her. _That_ is really pathetic. Relena is really unwanted. It's sad.

"Hello Heero!" She greeted in her annoying tone.

"What do you think you are doing here Relena?" Duo replied probably wanting to throw something at her like he always says he does when she comes around. He tells me all the time he regrets stopping me from 'blowing her brains out'. I regret it too. I should have shot both of them…killing Relena and just warning Maxwell.

"I came to visit you!"

"There's a difference between visitation and plain stalking. You've crossed that line a time too many don't you think, Relena?" I questioned rolling my eyes in annoyance and for the effect. Though I think I may have acted too much like myself there, because I got a strange look from Trowa.

"I think you'd better go home now, is what he's trying to get at Relena. You don't belong here and therefore you need to leave." Duo added. We could be quite a vicious verbal pair when we wanted to be.

"I think I'm inclined to agree with them."

"But Miliardo!" Relena threw a glare at the addition of her brother's voice to the proposals of her leaving.

"Don't call me that, Relena. Please just go before I'm inclined to kill you myself. I'm sure the six of us are resourceful enough to make it look like it was either an accident or suicide."

"Miliardo!"

"Nice to see who listens here…" The only sign I had of his irritation was the continuous tapping of his foot on the wood floor. Zechs apparently is driven mad by his sister too…Points for him, for sympathy at least. I still don't like him.

"Say Relena, what would you do if this building suddenly exploded?" Trowa asked and it was to be assumed he was going to try to reason with her. He may not know her like Duo, Zechs and I do; but you have more of a chance of sticking your elbow in your ear than you do talking sense into her.

"I don't know…but that wouldn't happen, would it? This is your 'safe' house is it not?" She glanced from him to the rest of us looking for an answer.

"You never know Relena, weird shit happens to Gundam pilots." Duo replied and I mentally winced as I watched the force of which he bit his lip after he realized the mistake he had just made.

"Heero, are you feeling okay?" Quatre asked taking immediate notice of the difference in 'Heero's' tone and posture.

"Yes, Winner, I am fine." He coughed slightly and looked away. If I didn't know any better, and I do know that baka, he was itching to bite his fist at the mistake. And I'm grateful that he refrained from doing so.

"Look Relena, what Trowa's saying is that you could wind up getting yourself into trouble being here; not to mention blowing our cover, again. So please just freaking leave, before I combust or my eyes start to decay from seeing too much pink. I must maintain a semi-manly front and I have a forlorn fear that in the presence of that hideous color—of which you adore so much—I may randomly turn into a woman and I just can't have that… so can you like… scram?"

I must say, I took more enjoyment in that than I really should have and she puffed up at me like she was going to do something that would offend me or something. Surprisingly she didn't; but she did walk toward me and before I could move away she pushed me through the kitchen door and glared me down. For a moment I had forgotten it was Duo's face she was currently trying to mentally burn a hole into.

"Let me get this clear for you, Maxwell! I know you went through I all trouble to send me this nice little note telling me to back off Heero, but that's not going to happen and I'll be damned before I let _you_ have him!" She scowled and threw an envelope at me. "You can have this back. I don't need it because I have no intention of taking heed of your advice. So I'd suggest you say out of my way!" She brushed her hair back with her hand, and spun around leaving me alone in the kitchen, seriously confused.

I picked up the letter. Apparently this was what Duo had sent to her? When had this happened? I pulled back the open flap and slid the letter out. I winced at the pinkness of it. There had to be a reason for that. Duo would never write on pink paper without a valid reason. I skimmed the letter over. It read:

_Hey Miss Relena, _

If you're reading this then I did a good job sneak mailing it to you. You know how Hee-chan can be about what goes in and out. Oh wait you wouldn't would you? He doesn't want you…Oh yeah…too bad.

_By now you must have noticed that I wrote on, God forbid, pink paper. Simply to get your attention. Hope it worked. I was afraid any other color wouldn't be receptive to your one-track mind. I almost considered drawing Hee-chan on here somewhere…but in the end I ended up keeping that doodle, sorry._

_But to the point. Quit following Heero. You're putting us in jeopardy and quite frankly it's pissing us all off when we can't even keep a cover at a damned school or anywhere else; because you want to see Heero, because he promised to kill you or something like that. It really is going to come as a shock to you when he does finally unload a few rounds of lead in your pretty face won't it? He doesn't like you Relena. Get that through your mind. Geeze, he likes me more than you and that's saying something. _

_So in essence you're wasting your time on a person who's learning to despise you more and more, every time he sees you. Do you get that? Are you comprehending? If you stay away I guess I'll know. _

_Oh and Relena if you do come around again, I'll shoot your bitch ass self, personally. That means stay away from my Hee-chan._

_Maxwell._

I folded it back up and replaced it in the envelope. "Well, I take it she didn't like his advice…" I mumbled aloud to myself. I generally don't do that. Why I did… I'm not sure, but when I felt a hand on my shoulder I nearly jumped out of Duo's skin.

"I can so explain that." The voice followed and I calmed down again once I realize it was Duo himself.

"I'm sure you can. Though I want to know when you sent this?" I turned around and gave him a look that might have been intimidating if it had been through my eyes.

"It was a while ago, Hee-chan…" He stopped and stepped back. "Oh no, you're mad at me aren't you!"

"No, I'm not. I don't know what faces to make in your body, baka. But seriously, Relena just stood in front of me and told me to stay out of her way."

"Oh hell no she didn't! That bitch! You know what Hee-chan! This means war!"

"I wouldn't consider it much of a war compared to the ones we were 'supposed' to have participated in…" I replied rolling my eyes.

"Oh hush you! I'm going to tell Relena she can stay. I'm bunking with you tonight and Relena can take your room."

"Wait, what did you just say!" I threw him a warning glare, telling him there was no way in hell I was giving up my personal 'away from Duo space (as I used to call it)' to _her_.

"Yeah, you got less stuff in your room to move. I've got some pretty wicked ideas waiting for my princess pink. And I think I'll enlist some help from Wu-man on this one too." He cackled in the crazy way that I do when I'm in a battle.

This can't be good. When Duo does that, nothing good ever comes of it. I mean ever.

**To be continued…**


	11. 11 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Eleven_

Duo

'I'm evil. I'm horrible! And I'm so damn wonderful! Yep all at the same time! What a great way to get rid of princess pink! Oh, I should have thought of it before! I'm going to make her life hell! She'll wish she'd never met Heero!' I thought to myself as I cackled, rubbing my hands together and probably looking very much like Heero in 'destroy' mode.

"Don't you worry a bit, Hee-chan! I'm going to make her want to leave come sunrise…"

"I'm never going to say this again and if you tell any one, I'm going to be required to put you out of your misery; but you're seriously worrying me like that…"

"Oh Hee-chan! You've nothing to worry about! You just sit put, take care of my body and I'll do everything…Oh, and make sure Relena doesn't come looking for me for about…hmmm…ten minutes okay?"

"Wait! Why!?" He called behind me as I quickly sprinted out of the kitchen and up the stairs, not caring who saw me running. Wufei probably could figure out I was up to no good and I was sure he would tell them they have nothing to worry about, you know seeing Hee-chan's body in such a hurry and all.

Pink princess was in for one horrible awakening…Oh yes she was starting with her room that she would be staying in. I made a quick detour to the bathroom to grab a few things, including toothpaste, a razor, some hairspray and some duct tape, also a few other assorted items that looked manically enticing. I carried them carefully to Hee-chan's room and began to gather his things together after I set my trouble causing paraphernalia on the bed. Closing the bag on Hee-chan's duffle, I set to work arranging the room for mass annihilation. I can't tell you yet, sorry, but that's a surprise. Bwaha. She wants to throw my note/threat back in my face, then I'll give her a reason to fear me. Or at least hate me.

I grinned to myself satisfied. I'd added a few things to her room. And also had more plans for her in the making. This was a war I'd been dying to get the chance to fight in. And while I was in Hee-chan's body, no one could ever prove it was me and they certainly wouldn't suspect Hee-chan. Because he's just not as inventive at this sort of thing as I am.

"Prepare to face your doom Relena." I cackled for a second before putting back the 'Heero' face and trudging out the door with his stuff, heading toward my room. I took a moment to clear up the scattered mess, including my secret stash of Hee-chan photos that I probably shouldn't have. I can't help it if Hee-chan is just so cool…however I don't think he would appreciate it quite like I do…

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the sound of footsteps. I whirled around quickly.

"Do you often shuffle through your team mate's belongings?" I scowled momentarily, immediately recognizing the voice to be Zechs—he has a sexy voice. Zechs didn't like Hee-chan all that much, so he would was likely to have an attitude toward me.

"I was given permission. With Relena here, we're bunking up rooms. There are only four rooms in this building." I replied.

Which that idea, of only having four rooms in a building that's bigger than the friggin white house (slight exaggeration), is crazy! This house is enormous! And to only have four bedrooms! That's crazy! Just crazy!

"I suppose, Wufei will bunk with us as well, I'd hate to have to stick you in the same room as Relena." Even if that was Hee-chan, I bet he would have said the same thing! Mutual distaste or not, they both don't seem to appreciate Relena; more Hee-chan than Zechs, though. Zechs has to love her; it says so in the 'siblings book of blood bound laws'. Sucks to be him don't it?

"I don't think I can bring myself to argue with you on that. I may not particularly like you, as you do not particularly like me; but I think it's the one common thing we have, to say Relena is an annoyance."

"I guess you do have some cerebral activity in that blonde head of yours." I replied with a quick cold tone. I felt bad saying it, but he didn't know I wasn't Hee-chan, so it made it a little better.

"Ah, well aren't you the regular stand up comedian. Though the sole reason I came up here was because Duo has requested your presence."

"And he sent you?"

"I volunteered."

"You…what?"

"I have a proposal." The blonde man spoke in a slightly quieter tone, as if the words following could only be heard by Heero alone.

"Go on." I listened intently.

"Relena is driving me _crazy_ with her talk about _you_. I want her to stop, you want her to stop, even Maxwell wants her to fall off a cliff and die. So I propose that we _make_ her get over you before she leaves this establishment."

"Zech, are you suggesting that we drive her away using under minded tactics?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Well Zechs, I think I could tolerate you long enough to accomplish that mission, if nothing else. You have yourself a temporary truce, on the condition of completely destroying Relena's psycho stalking habits." Okay that sounded a bit more like me than it should have; but under the certain conditions, I think anyone would act a bit too happy.

I took his hand in mine in a firm shake to seal the deal. After, he turned to leave ahead of me; maybe to make this arrangement a little more discreet.

"Hurry up, or I'm sure Maxwell will begin screeching for you and we all know how loud he can get," he turned and left me alone in 'my' room.

"Yes!" I shouted in a whisper…Shouted in a whisper…now that doesn't make any sense…How do you shout in a whisper? Man I really need to think before thinking…Wait…How can I think before…Okay that's, it no more thinking for me period!

Not…

This was good though, _very _good! If I, as Heero, had Zechs help then this would be very good…Bwaha! And getting Wufei's help would be a walk in the park! He hated Relena with a passion that I think we all shared in common! That bitch was going down! And I made myself a promise that it would happen within three days! Oh, we would make it work!

…Other wise we shoot her and blame it on terrorists…

Oh wait…Weren't we technically considered terrorists? Shit, well then we'll blame it on the self-righteous people! They need to take the blame for shit once in a while.

I finally decided to straighten myself out and go to my beckoning 'Duo'. Though I'd like to see Hee-chan even _try_ to replicate me when I screech for attention. I do tend to be quite loud…Hmm…I should do that more often, just for shits and giggles.

I stepped down the steps, keeping my pace even, and forcing myself to constrain the grin as Relena fell into my vision. Oh, I could see all the things we would concoct against her. We may be war-hardened soldiers; but I guarantee against an opponent like Relena, some uncivilized teenage tactics would suit just fine. Just wait until she gets into her new room. I sent a discreet, sly smile to Hee-chan. He looked slightly worried as I cackled madly to myself. I could hardly contain my glee. This was my perfect chance. This couldn't have been planned any better! And for her to start it was even better! She'd sealed her fate the minute she decided to fight for my Hee-chan!

"What do you need?" I cut to the quick in a curt, unfriendly manner.

"Could I bunk with you tonig-"

"I've already set up in your room, Relena can take mine." I added hoping I didn't cut to the quick too soon. I suppose I should have told him my whole plan. I'm not even sure if I ever told him that I was already planning on bunking up with him…Wait…I think I did. I suppose he was making it look realistic? I dunno, I can never tell with him.

"Hey, hey, what are we going to do about Merquise here?" Leave it to Wufei to be so blunt.

"Hm…you could bunk with us too if you want, Wu-man." Hee-chan added, knowing it would be wise to keep the only other person who knew our secret close by. Not that I could blame him. I might be a slight irritated if he told anyone, but then again the only way he would talk is if he was tortured or something and even then…I'd doubt he'd spill his guts. Not in the way I would. Wufei's greatest quality is his loyalty and even I can say that with a straight face.

"That's a wise I idea." I nudged. I would need to talk to him later and the best way to do it was in the comfort of my own room with the music blaring in the background so no one could hear us.

"Heero, why won't you talk to me?" Relena's voice struck the end of my nerves. Her voice, the feminine and complete picture of royalty and properness that it is, makes me want to chuck something sharp toward her face. The only thing I ever hear her say is Heero, Heero, Heero! There's this thing called 'obsession'! And there's the other thing called 'psycho stalking overly crazy obsessive'. I'm the first. She's the worst. I think my obsessive-ness is plenty for our happy little Gundam family. Hey, I made a rhyme in there!

"Because you irritate me." I spoke pulling Hee-chan toward our new group bunking spot and grabbing Wufei along the way. "I've ground rules to set down. Go make yourself at home while you're still welcome Relena. You too Merquise."

"Aiy Aiy! Mon Capitan Yuy."

"Sarcasm doesn't look good on you Zechs." I didn't even look back. The three of us walked up the steps, vaguely aware of the two Peacecrafts behind us heading toward their temporary rooms.

"Okay; your room is in that direction, Zechs. Last on the left. And Relena yours is second to last on the right. Don't mind the strange noises that Tro and Q-Bean make. You'll get used to it, I'm sure." Hee-chan explained, since I forgot to. No wonder he's the supposed leader. I forget too much.

"Good to know."

We all branched off. Hee-chan, Wufei and I in my room and the other two going their separate ways. I closed the door and cringed slightly at the single fact that my room was still a disaster area.

"Sorry about the mess guys…"

"I expect it from you, Maxwell…"

"Oh, thank you Mister Sarcasm." I rolled my eyes at Fei. He's so mean to me sometimes.

"Okay, Duo, what's going on?" Hee-chan looked at me in a fierce gaze that made me understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of my glares.

"Eh…I was hoping I wouldn't get interrogated about it…Geeze…But you've nothing to worry about! I promise!"

"That's not comforting, now spill it."

"Hee-chan you don't _need_ to know! But I promise it won't be bad!"

"_Duo_…."

"Fine! I'm plotting something that's probably going to turn this place into a disaster, so please, whatever you do don't be mad at me! I'm going to have an angry pissed off Relena. I don't need you added to that!"

"Maxwell, what are you going to do?"

"Oh Fei! Not just me! You're going to help! Zechs is too! I've already gotten his help! And actually no, I didn't say anything that might reveal anything. He actually came to me! So it was fair game!"

"Okay, so what is the purpose?"

"We're going to make Relena wish she never met us!" I added with a twisted cackle.

"Remind me when I get back into my own body, never to laugh like that again. I look deranged…"

"That's not you Heero, that's Duo's influence. He makes you look crazy."

"You know, there's a moral wrongness to ganging up on someone!" I defended, but was riddled with glee knowing that if they were apt to joke then, they were willing to cooperate. I'd hate to have to black mail them.

"I guess I really can't back out of this one considering she drives me fucking human!"

"Only you would say something like that Hee-chan…. Have you ever considered that being Human isn't such a horrible thing?" I asked. Sometimes that man perplexed me with his inability to act …well…normal!

"Tch, says you. I like my robotic abnormalities, thank you. And that just makes one less thing to have in common with _her_!" Both Fei and I snorted.

"Hee-chan, you know damn well that Relena's not human! She's psycho stalker bitch, that's a whole different class of creature!"

"Even still…"

"Ahem." I froze when I heard the door swing open and my jaw clamped shut almost painfully when I turned to meet eyes with a pair of royal blue.

"Zechs!"

"Interesting conversation. Role-playing are we? Or do you normally switch names when you're alone? Forget I asked, but seriouslyl if you're trying to keep a secret in here, you might want to consider keeping the volume of your voices to a dull roar." He turned to leave and I unfroze.

"Wait! What did you hear?!"

He turned back to face me. "Not anything I'm going to going around spilling out to everyone. Though you might want to get your problem fixed before you blow your cover."

"So you're not going to tell anyone?"

"Assuming I don't just believe you're crazy, no I won't. Trust the fact that I have questions; but I have more important things to look at, like destroying my sister's crazy obsession with Heero." He glanced over at my body. Shit, he did know…Why hasn't anyone questioned the scientific unlikely-ness of this!? The fact that something like this _can't _happen?! _Damn_! If Hee-chan and me had been role-playing then it would have been just too damn funny! Unfortunately; I think both of us act awkwardly enough, that it's obvious to some people…especially when they catch you! Though, I still have my suspicions that Zechs didn't fully understand the situation. Oh well…As long as he kept his pretty mouth shut.

"Okay…now that he knows…" Wufei started. "Get talking. We've a lot to do before she leaves if we're going to break her down into a puddle of 'I hate Heero' stuff."

I rubbed my hands together with a mischievous grin. Now the fun begins.

**To be continued…**


	12. 12 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo **  
_Chapter Twelve _

Heero

For some strange reason, Duo's glee filled voice worried me a little bit. Okay _fuck_ that. It worried me a lot. I may not be normal, hell I relish in being inhuman; but if I know one thing, it's when to be concerned. And when Duo gets that aura about him, it's enough to make you need to worry. And you know which one I'm talking about, you know the one that spells out: 'I've completely ditched my mind in the sewer and so forth have no chance of being sane until further notice'.

Yeah. Scary shit. And I'm allowed to say that because I've been corrupted. So sue me.

Duo was just about to explain his plans to us, when I heard a very loud bang and a screech that would make god himself want to commit suicide. Immediately 'my' head spun in the direction of my body.

"What did you do?"

"Don't worry about it." He replied in a chipper tone, that I would have smited myself for if I'd been the one to make myself sound that way.

"What just happened?" We heard voices just outside the room. "Why is there a loaded gun in Relena's room? And why is it taped to the closet?" Quatre's voice carried through the wall.

"Duo…" I threw a glare at him. What did you do?"

"Don't worry about it!" He smiled again. That psycho.

"Duo, what is going on?" I tried a low snarl.

"Oh nothing, Hee-chan!"

"Duo, just tell us what's going on?" Wufei sighed, clearly getting aggravated by his dodging of the question and obvious blame for the happenings in the other room.

"Fine! I rigged it so it would shoot when she opened the door!"

"DUO!" Both Wufei and I screamed at him in perfect unison.

"Before you both jump my shit, it was a fake bullet! It wasn't supposed to kill. It was less deadly than Quatre after watching a chick flick I swear! Besides, do you think I would kill her yet when I have more in store for her?" He cackled as he made a very good point. Duo was the type of person to make it worth his while (I think that's how the phrase goes).

"So you're out to _completely_ destroy her then huh?" Wufei asked when he realized Duo was not just playing silly pranks to be funny. He had a mission. And given the soul fact that he was in my body, that gave him all the more incentive to see it to the bloody end.

"What happened?" Duo turned to listen to the voice outside. He pressed his head against the door.

"Nothing to be concerned about." Trowa responded.

"You mean she's not dead yet then, hmm…" I don't think Trowa caught that, or maybe he did, I don't know, we were on different sides of the door, but I sure as hell heard Zechs say that. And it caused me to involuntarily snort. Who'd have thought the man hated his sister with as much gusto as the rest of us.

"Okay, so start spilling it Duo. Might as well get ourselves prepared for the shit to come and I won't take any blame in this!"

"Of course not Hee-chan, you're in my body! And thus, a temporary cripple! And of course if you were involved she would immediately suspect me first! She would never think her beloved Heero would ever hurt her! And if you're in her sight while I'm setting all these horrible teenage pranks up, then she couldn't rightly accuse you! Or as she'll think, accuse me."

"First, you're a psycho. Let's just get that clear before I move on in stating my valid points. Second, you're more obsessive than she is…Okay maybe that is a tad bit unfair to say, but why is it that I must be in a war between the two of you? What the hell? Are we even going to inform the others about this? Why is Zechs on our 'team' suddenly. And since when the hell did you have an infatuation with me?"

"Hee-chan…. when did you attain a properly human functioning vocal ability?"

"Since when did you learn words that are more copious than four letter, children's words?"

"Okay _children_, stop…Let's just get back out there, before they think we're in here doing something we shouldn't be doing." Wufei broke up our childish bickering.

"Fine you're right…" Duo said too quickly for both of our comfort. Well, more or less mine. Maybe it kinda irked me that the baka never listened to me, but when Wufei said something he jumped right to it. I don't know, I guess in a strange and human sort of way it made me slightly irritated toward Wufei as well.

Twenty minutes later. Yes that's right, _twenty_. We finally left that room. What was the hold up? That baka's room was the hold up. To ease the effort later, we decided to eradicate the mess ahead of time. In other words, we cleaned his room. And yes it took that long for all three of us to do it. He had more junk lying around than was healthy. And I believe I expressed the uselessness of most of it multiple times. Of course in the fray I finally got back my disc converter that I let him borrow (more or less he took it without my permission)…which I would have been thankful for if it wasn't incrusted with a syrupy looking substance. Smelled like maple to me…But I didn't even want to know.

"That was possibly the most disgusting living vicinity I've ever had the displeasure of cleaning." Wufei spoke with a distorted look of repulsion.

"Oh come on guys it wasn't that bad! And whoa… What this?" We stopped as we approached the dining room. It was completely decked out like we were actually going to sit down and eat properly.

"Relena decided it would be nice to eat 'formally'." Quatre spoke trying to hide his distaste, though on him it's very hard to hide; because his face twists up in an irritated frown.

"Why?" The only thing Duo could think to say. Of all things, he asks why…

"I don't know…but I'll tell you now, I'm not cooking!"

"I hope she doesn't expect us to cook…On Duo's part that could be a dangerous request…" the words came of my body's voice and I shot a glare at my body.

"Heeey… What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means I want to live to see tomorrow therefore, you aren't allowed to cook." Ouch, that one stung. Because he knew that I, as Heero Yuy, wasn't the cook supreme. And that was a direct attack, despite the difference of name.

"Personally, I don't trust either of you. And why, on earth do we need four forks? Most of us can live with only one; in rare cases, some of us don't use them at all." Wufei spoke solemnly, indicating Duo as his target.

My toes curled with horror as Duo opened his mouth to speak with an irritated look on my face. He caught himself before he blew it, though…Thank god. We really didn't need more than half of the 'household' knowing about our little 'issue'.

"Can't we just order take out?" I whined, hoping that it wouldn't come out strained. Sometimes remembering what that baka might say was hard, because he was not really as predictable as I might have thought in the beginning.

I watched him with mild amusement, as Duo randomly took pieced of silverware off of the table and tossed them into the nearly overflowing garbage can, every time Relena looked away. And amusing me even more, was the fact that Relena hadn't even noticed him doing it; whereas everyone else was either smirking or chuckling lightly to himself. Granted, even though it was far from a "me" sort of thing to do; it was almost understandable, considering that I really don't like Relena one tiny little microscopic sliver of a bit.

His general irritation for the Princess Pink (or in simplistic terms, Queen of all that is wrongful, evil and, should be destroyed) was a slight different in reason than mine was, of course. For some reason I'd found, thinking back on it; every time Relena had my attention, he found obnoxious things to do to prevent her from keeping my attention. Not that I was really complaining, the less time I had to spend with the bitch the better.

Zechs seemed to understand that and for that small reason I think he mildly earned more respect from me. Or at least got something—very small, mind you—that resembled respect. He'll have to kill her with his teeth alone in order to fully have my respect. Hell, if he did that; I would have submitted to dropping to my knees to pray in his direction five times a day. I think under that circumstance that would be the least I could do.

"Since I fear for my health, my life, and anything attached to the two; I think I'll take lead in the kitchen, because by all means I trust not an aristocrat in a kitchen where there are potentially deadly items." Wufei spoke in that elegant way that he normally does.

"I'll help you." Trowa added. From what I knew he was good at cooking, though it was Wufei who took kitchen duty the most.

I turned to see Duo slipping off, in hopes of being discreet. Considering I caught him, I really don't think it worked. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh…" He turned around and blinked at me, which made me grateful that it was only he and I that remained in that general vicinity. "I'm going to go set up Relena's 'alarm clock'."

"I don't even want to know do I?"

"Probably not, Hee-chan."

"Stupid ass, don't say that when someone can overhear you!" I scolded thanking whatever god still existed that the others were too preoccupied making sure Relena didn't start screeching and whining, to even notice the awkwardness of our conversation.

"Oh, oops…Sorry He-er-Duo, it's hard! I hope we're not going to stay this way!"

"If we do I'll commit a murder-suicide."

"Oh that's mean." He snorted and continued up the stairs.

"Hey! What are you planning now! I don't want this 'alarm clock' crap. I wanna know what you're really up to!" I followed him, taking the stairs two at a time in order to catch up.

"Don't worry about it."

"_Duo_." I whispered harshly.

"Don't worry about! Now go back downstairs and mingle, so Relena can't blame you for anything." He said pushing me back down the stairs then going up once I was on the floor.

"You're a baka!" I called as I grumbled and walked back into the kitchen, to deal with miss 'Sunshine Heero Worshipper.'

**To be continued…**


	13. 13 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo **  
_Chapter Thirteen_

Duo

This was a gleeful happening for me. It truly was. In Hee-chan's body I could do whatever I pleased and I wouldn't get in trouble! Well of course that's not saying I would do something horrible, fully knowing that I could not possibly be blamed for it! I would _never_! …Yeah, yeah, you're not allowed to throw back my 'Duo Maxwell never lies' speech in my face. That can only be used when I find it convenient. So hush.

So I staged a few pranks, what's the big deal? The fake bullet didn't hurt her, though I wished it were real and aimed at her forehead. Man stealing bitch. Okay well, considering Hee-chan wants her to drop dead in a pile of Relena mush, I guess I can't really say she stole him per say…

Heero's still convinced I'm planning some huge conspiracy! That's rich, no? Me! Plan a conspiracy! Hah! Apparently he doesn't know me as well as he should otherwise he might realize that I don't have the brain capacity for anything larger than teenage pranks and following orders! Hell, I'll admit it! I ain't Zechs (Who can do everything under the Heero. Haha, bad 'all mighty Heero' joke!). I'm just Baka, as Hee-chan calls me, and I'm down with that!

Oh my god, did I tell you that Relena-bitch was requiring us to eat properly?! Oh my god! Whatever will I do with out my cheese doodles (Cheeto Puffs for the foodly illiterate)!? I don't need nutrition!! I'll be lucky to turn eighteen! What do I care about my health at age ninety?! Bah! I'll wait til Heero finds the fountain of youth. He will. He's Hee-chan. He can do _everything_. After all, he walked away easily even after Sally said he had over 200 broken bones in his body! Now don't even _try _to tell me he can't do everything!

I, of course, bailed on him momentarily. After al,l I had a wonderfully wicked 'alarm clock' to set up in miss Peacecraft's room! Heh, that bitch was in for a rude awakening! Introducing the GundamW1 alarm clock, if you don't get your ass out of bed it'll pull a Heero Yuy on you. Yep, that's right ladies and gentlemen, it detonates! I made it myself, and I think—if it weren't for the horrid Heero reference—that it would be well approved as a Relena torture device by the master, Hee-chan himself!

It took no time to set up, because I had this baby ready before I even knew I would have an opportunity to use is. Oh, how proud they would be of me. For a moment I thought of sticking one in tall, blonde and handsome's room; but as much fun as it would be to see him come screaming down the call half dressed, I didn't think…. Wait, why was I opposed to that? Oh yeah! Because I was pining after Heero! That's right. Well damn…it doesn't kill to look does it? Because Blondie certainly was an eyeful all right (and still is, damn it).

Although, that is certainly aside from the point. I can't help it if I'm surrounded by a handful of yummy guys! Hell, even Tro's got a stoic sexiness to him! And tall! I like tall guys…Quatre….hmm…Quatre's more cute than anything else! He's just a button I tell you! And the biggest sap I think anyone has ever met! Even if you haven't met him! One thing is for sure, do not—I repeat—do not get him in front of a chick flick. For whatever reason he was watching the pre-colony classic, Steel Magnolias and I swear he was drowning in a pool of his own glittery Q-bean tears.

Now, Wufei is like another step up in the ladder. I would so molest him in his sleep if he weren't a light sleeper; but he is, so I must refrain. I should do the Quatre thing and eradicate all of my bad thoughts!

…

GAH! There goes my _brain_!

Then there's Blondie. The 'man behind the mask' (man that just SOUNDS sexy!). He's like so very suave. Sophisticated and classy yet still hilariously funny; in other words, almost everything opposite of myself. Now see, I would let _him_ molest _me_ in _my_ sleep, of course I would so be faking sleeping. That's just not the kind of thing you aim to miss! You know? Then again, I think I'd much rather 'coax' Heero into paying attention to me for a while…since he doesn't like to.

Heero…He's like a god of some sort (Remember _two hundred_ broken bones!) and I am the very last person he ever talks to and most of the time it's in an irritated grunt rather than coherent—to anyone other than himself and Trowa since they speak the same language—words. I would give my legs if he would talk to me and not have it be about a mission. Then again, that's assuming my legs don't heal crooked anyways.

Man, I love Heero; why can't he fricken see that?!

I sighed and left Relena's room with the ease of not being noticed. Then I saw something that I truly think I will spend the rest of my life laughing about. Seriously. Even though it was a man totally despised by many people and thought to be dead, Trieze Kushrenada had _finally_ found Zechs and apparently let himself in! Oh, it was rich! I've never seen Blondie flail his arms and flee like that before! It was golden. I had to bite back my insane giggling as Zechs nearly plowed poor Wufei over screaming, "Trieze, You fucking stalker!!"

Trieze looked up at me. I standing half way down the stairs, changing colors from holding back my laughter. I bit the rest of it down in order to seem semi-restrained.

"Trieze, why are you here?" I bit the words, probably sounding very overwrought.

"Oh simply to retrieve my 'Lightening Count'. Trust that I will tell no one where you all are. After all you aren't my enemies."

"I'm not going back with you! You crazy stalking, stupid…son of a…" The words mumbled off that elegant tongue and slipped into wordy durd land.

"Is this even a 'safe house' anymore? Every one seems to know where we are! I mean seriously. I'm surprised Sally hasn't shown up too!" Heero said pulling the irritated 'Duo' sound so very well!

"Hey bitch, don't jinx it!" I heard Wufei's call from the kitchen. How in the seven hells he heard that, I will never know; but he was dead on cue when he heard the name 'Sally'.

"Trieze, I promise to give him back to you in three days. Right now his attendance here is required," I said pointing toward the kitchen. He leaned to see Relena dictating the kitchen and suddenly this look of understanding crossed his face. "Deal?"

"Okaaay…. I'll be going then…I'm giving you three days, Milliardo." Trieze leaned close enough to the blonde to invoke an involuntary 'squeak' from the man. "Until then, good bye, chéri!"

I swear, to the high heavens, Zechs died the very next moment when Trieze leaned closer and planted a very ginger kiss on his lips. Trieze smiled and whirled around before Zechs even knew he'd been resurrected.

"Uh, what does 'chéri' mean?" Quatre leaned to ask me. Me! As in, supposed to be Heero; but is not! Shit!

"I don't know. I don't speak German." I replied.

"Heero, that's French."

"All the more reason to believe my claim." Quatre was about to comment on 'my' uncharacteristic behavior when Trieze made his exit.

We watched Trieze disappear as fast as he'd shown up. I guess the threat of Relena was enough to scare even the manliest men away. Part of me was doing a 'what the fuck?' moment; while the rest of me was focusing on Zechs who looked ready to die, again.

"…Don't fucking call me Milliardo!!!" He burst after a few moments, nearly scaring the rest of us shitless. Now this was a side of Mister Suave I'd never seen before, or at least seen so strongly. If I didn't know better I'd think…oh, I won't go there until I know for sure! "I hate him. I hate him. I want him to die. Wufei he's yours if you want to, you know, 'get rid of him'?" He growled and stalked up the stairs and locked himself in his temporary room.

"Okaaay…. that just completely destroyed my original view of him…People are much more scary when you actually know them…"

"Yeah, too bad too, because he was looking _so_ sexy getting molested by Trieze like that." Immediately after finishing that sentence I bit my tongue so hard I could taste that copper flavor of blood.

Geeze, was I the _only_ rampant homosexual in this household?! I know for a fact Quatre and Trowa were, but why am I the only one to make the gay statements?! Someone else needs to make himself look like an ass for a change.

I felt so horrified when they all looked at me. I finally found my voice after a moment of contemplation. "Guys, it was a joke."

"Heero, are you feeling okay?" Quatre gave me the 'big blue eyes of _doom_' treatment and I felt my mind collapsing on itself. Quatre had a way of _making_ you talk. Kinda like Wufei does…damn it.

"Uh yeah, I'm going to go rinse my face." I hightailed it up the stairs before another question could follow. It was bad enough two people knew the 'secret'. I was not going to spill my guts with Relena near by to hear it, at the very least. That bitch didn't deserve to know who was really going to give her the proverbial ass kicking.

I bailed into my room and as far away from the others as I could. Damn it all. That was crazy and I certainly hadn't helped things. But I'm just so used to saying my mind you know? Being Heero for a while meant I had to hold back on a lot of the snide remarks I wanted to blurt. I couldn't help it. Heero and I were so different, that it was almost inevitable that I would be the one to make a mistake. Not Heero. He's too good at everything. I'm often jealous of him (except for the Relena part, about that I'm not jealous one damn bit).

I locked myself in my room and sat at the edge of my bed, the bed of which the three of us would share. Hell, I'm not afraid to share a bed with a few people. It's big enough, I think. Unless Fei kicks, then he's sleeping next to Hee-chan. Though, I wouldn't mind sleeping in the middle either…Heh, I'm not making anyone sleep on the floor. Hell no! If I wouldn't do it, then I wouldn't make others! Besides we've slept in our Gundams more than a nice soft bed. I think we deserve pillows and blankets for a change.

I can't think of how long I was sitting in that room staring at nothing, thinking of nothing, and doing nothing before I realized that Hee-chan had walked into the room. I looked over at him, still finding it odd to be looking at my own face. It started creepy and it still was creepy.

"Dinner is ready, baka," he spoke, paused, and prepared to chew into me with the scolding I probably deserved for not using my brain. "You know you could have blown it, you idiot. Next time, _think_ before you speak!"

"Well, I don't see why we have to keep it a secret! I mean hell! Wufei knows! And even Zechs knows! So why should we hide it! It's not like it would hurt anyone to tell! Well, at least Quatre and Trowa! They're our buddies. They deserve to know why we're acting to weird! I mean I understand not telling Relena, because that would be awkward; but why not the other two?"

"You know that it would be awkward in _any_ case! It's better to wait and hope this all fixes itself!"

"What if it _doesn't_ fix itself! What if we're stuck this way!? I _know_ you of all people has contemplated that! If we're stuck this way then we'll be hiding it the rest of our lives! And I can't live with that!"

"Well you better, because we can't tell them yet," Heero finalized and he looked away. I guess he didn't want to try and compete with my reasoning.

"Tell us what?"

We both froze and slowly turned to look at Quatre, standing in the doorway. My voice would not utter a sound as I tried to find a reasonable excuse for the 'strange' conversation we were having. And that's when Heero said it… And I'll never forget how hot my face felt when he blurted:

"We're gay."

**To be continued…**

_A/N: Chéri, means 'darling' in French. I figured that Trieze is Sophisticated enough to know such a basic French word._


	14. 14 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**_  
Chapter Fourteen _

Heero

Yep, quite possibly _the_ most embarrassing point in my life; if I ever had one anyway. Why I came up with that reply, I have no idea. I guess that's the influence of being in Duo Maxwell's shoes. Literally. Because I know that is something he would have said. I'll be damned if he didn't nearly choke on his—or should I say my?—heart.

"What did you just say?" Quatre asked with that 'oh my god, did he just say what I think he said' look. Great Winner…make me repeat myself.

"I said: we're gay." I snorted incredulously. I could almost feel the heat radiating off of Baka and he nearly melted into a puddle at my feet.

"As in, you two…" He trailed off as he pointed to both of us and his eyes went wide. "Oh…I guess I should have seen it…I'm sorry…I put you in an awkward spot! Sorry!"

Luckily Quatre fled, but it didn't help that Merquise saw the _whole_ damn thing! We both turned at the sound of his deep throated snickering. (Oh my god? Did I just inadvertently put a horrible innuendo in that sentence? _Shit_! I am turning into Maxwell!)

"…this just keeps getting better…" The blonde chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up Zechs." I spoke, turning to him and giving him the best glare I could in my foreign body and he could clearly tell.

"Now, now, don't look at me like that…it's very un-Duo like. You make a horrible Duo, Heero."

"Keep your voice down, baka."

"You better listen to Hee-chan, Blondie. He's known to be mean when he wants." Duo whispered to him and I fought the urge to rip out all of "Blondie's" hair. No, it's not because I care about Duo. He's a Baka, but Zechs is my rival and he will not impose on my territory.

Mother Fucker… I sound like a dog.

God damn it. Now I sound like Duo! What is happening to me? I'm losing it…I swear…I think it's the 'pink evil radiation of doom' that's being emitted off Relena…Yeah that's it. Once she goes away I can be a machine again. Yeah… Remember Heero; you only live to kill her. You only survived attempts to kill yourself so that you can come back to do the world it's greatest favor. And no, it's not ending the war. It's killing Relena. Just so we have that straight.

"You were not supposed to have overheard that…" I spoke simple and cut quick, due to the rising irritation in my voice that I've never before had to fight with.

"Oh but I did! And I must say that was a golden performance you played on poor Winner! And he completely believed you! How gullible!"

"Zechs…" I growled.

"Oh don't get that way, 'Duo', you wouldn't want to make a complete ass out of yourself to the person who came all this way to see you!" He continued sneering at me. Oh, the bastard wanted to play it THAT way huh?

"Yeah well, Mister 'Stalked By Trieze', you really have no reason to concern yourself with 'me' now do you?"

I know I hit a cord with the mention of Trieze. Actually it was rather funny, in a distorted 'me' kinda way. Go figure Trieze would stalk the very one half of the world obsesses over. His face changed colors and I couldn't quite tell if it was from irritation or embarrassment.

"Hey! Dinner is ready!" Nothing more was said before Quatre's loud, and rather girlish, call sounded out our impending doom. Yeah, that's right…I'm talking about dinner with Relena…

Relena has got to be the world's biggest creation flaw…I'm serious…

"Come on Blondie, your sister awaits us," I spoke in a rather triumphant tone. I walked away, dragging baka with me.

Zechs gave me 'that look' and scowled following behind me. Score one for Heero, zero for Zechs.

"And just when I thought you guys weren't coming!" Quatre smiled at us when we walked through the swinging kitchen door.

"Is there no way we can get out of this dinner?" I vaguely remember hearing Duo whisper behind me. Lucky him, he didn't have to say much. Unlucky him, he had to sit next to Relena. For a second I felt a little gleeful being free from Relena. Then I did kind of feel guilty for making Duo take my place. But only for a second. Serious, like a very brief second. I'm not that sympathetic.

I sat across from him. He had Relena next to him on one side and Wufei on the other. I had Zechs next to me (oh the joy) with Quatre on my other side. A very, well, uncomfortable set up when you're not in the right body…

Zechs kept eyeing me and that disturbed me to no end. Even knowing that I wasn't actually Duo, per say, he still looked at _my_ baka with that lusty look. It was like grinding glass into an open wound. He was not getting at baka, unless he wanted to _die_. Though with him, I wouldn't be too surprised…

Okay, here comes my long-winded and probably heart exploding confession. Say and damn thing about it and I'll blow your kneecaps off. I promise.

Begin "kneecap risking if you tell a soul" section.

About this time; after thinking to myself, oh maybe…thirty times, I was starting to grow an attachment of sorts…And well in plainer terms I was feeling a little …_fonder_ of Duo…Now don't blow that out of proportion…I'm not tripping over my feet obsessed or anything. I'm Heero. I just don't get that way. (This is about the part where I can imagine baka making some snide remark about me drinking Cyanide for breakfast). But I'm starting to…god…Do I really have to say it in understandable terms? If I speak in binary code would that count as a confession of sorts? I'm starting to _like_ Baka's unusual personality…Maybe it's because I've been having to play it myself…I dunno…But it's…refreshing…Okay I'm gonna stop this subject before I make a _bigger_ ass of myself…

End "kneecap risking if you tell a soul" section.

I sat there kind of staring at the plate. Apparently Relena was allowed to cook something of her own. Why they would let her do that, I don't know; but I wasn't eating it. After all, Duo was Relena's biggest rival. I was in Duo's body. The rest of that speaks for itself. All I know was it was green and mushy…and not very appealing…

We were all silent for a second until Zechs, in all his worldly grace decided to break the proverbial ice. And he broke it but seriously. I think I almost choked with laughter and that's saying a lot for me. He had looked down at his plate and saw the stuff Relena was, well, proud of and looked up at her. He sort of grunted, by this time catching everyone's attention and he brushed the hair out of his face—not caring that it went right back—and prepared to speak.

"Relena, dear sister of mine…what is this _shit _I see on this plate?" He said, ever so elegantly. Wufei covered his nose when he suddenly had tea coming out of it from the sudden flair of laughter.

Even Trowa couldn't help but stifle a chuckle. Relena looked up as if she was not aware they were about to die of laughter at the horrible crack her brother had just made on her 'cooking abilities'.

"What do you mean, brother?"

"Forlornly spoken, this shit is enough to incite a gag reflex before eating it…" I couldn't stand it…if you could have seen the deadpan look on his face and how serious he was being. It was golden. I actually covered my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I looked across the table at Duo, who was doing his level best not to crack the hugest grin and burst into laughter. Actually, in this case, it probably would have been characteristic of me to laugh out loud.

By this time, you must imagine we were getting accustomed to looking at our own faces when we talked and saying our own names as if they weren't ours. Yeah, it was still awkward; but when you're forced to, you tend to give in a little bit and get used to it.

"Brother!" Relena screeched.

"I'm being honest sister…I would be much more grateful to eat dirt."

By now poor Quatre was in tears as Zechs criticized Relena on her cooking skills, or lack thereof. He nearly choked trying to keep from laughing and the blonde even had to excuse himself for a moment before he finally lost it. Zechs was most certainly playing his role, whether intentional or not.

"Hey Yuy, why don't you try it, and tell her what you think?"

Duo looked down, wiping discreetly at an out of place strand of hair that I normal didn't pay much heed to. His face looked like he wanted to hurl. Funny more so, was it being my face looking like that. Comical indeed, and definitely noticed.

"Do I get a detonation switch if I say 'yes'?"

"Heero!" Relena was pleading to him with her obnoxious blue crybaby eyes.

"…Relena…I would rather…I would rather eat Baka's cooking."

Damn. That's a harsh blow to one's own ego, I have to say. But then again looking at the green pasty looking shit, that was probably the most accurate statement he could have made in my place.

Relena made a sound that most resembled a hurt gasp. I guess Duo saw exactly what I saw, that the only way to prevent her crying was to try the shit. In that moment, very small moment mind you…like micro-fucking-scopic (just to emphasize), I felt sorry for him. Without even using my brain I blurted out the first thing my mind was thinking.

"Hee-chan, I know you like to attempt it all the time; but if you eat that you may actually succeed in committing suicide…"

Relena flashed me a glare that would have killed me if looks could kill. I, however, was not swayed by her look and responded with one of my own. If I was going to be 'role playing' Duo, then by god I was going to make it realistic.

"You know…suddenly I don't feel so hungry…" Duo stood up, but we both sent him a deadly glare and he sat back down with an almost visible sigh.

"How about _you_ try it first Relena? That way if it tastes as bad as it looks the rest of us won't have to endure the toxic, radiating side effects." I challenged.

"Duo…" I caught a whisper from Wufei who was warning me, with voiceless words, that I should tone down the vocabulary. Thank god for lip reading abilities and luckily no one heard him whisper to my attention, nor saw the warning; since they were all focused on Relena.

"Fine. On the condition, that _you_ try it too!" Ah, a counter-challenge. I had to wonder to myself for a moment, why I was standing up for baka like I was. Discreet as it was I was definitely finding myself growing angrier at the pink obsessed bitch every time she sent _that_ glare to my baka. Yes, I'm possessive. I don't care. I'm learning to deal with my corrupted-ness. Not liking it, but dealing with it.

"I accept. However; if I die, my funeral funds are coming out of your family fortune!" I swear I could almost hear a growl and simultaneously we both scooped some of the sloppy excuse for edible crap and prepared for the worst—in my case anyway. Throughout the whole incident neither of us had broken the heated glare.

At least not until I finally took a bite. I didn't want to look at what I was about to choke down. After a moment I set the fork down and my eyes snapped open.

**To be continued…**


	15. 15 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_Chapter Fifteen _

Duo

I held my breath and I watched both Relena and Heero eat that…that stuff…Heero put his fork down and his eyes shot open. He swallowed it down painfully, or at least it _seemed_ painful. I mean fuck; if I had been in that spot, I would have shot myself before eating that. Whether he was trying to defend me or challenge Relena…I don't know, but part of me was proud he'd acted the way he had. That's definitely something I would have done.

"That…it's…good…" His face contorted and it was hard to tell if he was being serious or sarcastic.

"_What_!?" Wufei was the first to find his voice.

"Are you fucking serious?" Mister Classy, Zechs, blurted at the sudden declaration.

"No!"

Heero stood up and looked down at the plate as if contemplating something. He choked slightly before a gag reflex was incited. He turned and ran into the kitchen toward the trashcan with every intention of hurling his guts out.

I looked toward Relena to see her face turning the same shade of green as the shit on her plate. Her eyes were watering, but some how I was led to believe it was from both the obvious fact that her cooking was as bad as her brother said, as well as the fact that the stuff was probably killing her and causing her insides to hemorrhage.

"Way to go Relena, you've successfully poisoned both of you with one bite." I spoke before I had time to catch it.

"I'm sorry…" She cried and gave me the pleading, 'forgive me Heero' look. God, I wanted to vomit from that look alone. I couldn't even imagine what that slop was doing to their insides.

"Hee-chaaan." I heard Heero call to me from the kitchen. I took that as my opportunity to leave.

"Heero?" I whispered when I was out of earshot of the other.

"Baka…It's horrible…Auggggh…" He looked like he was ready to pass out. I held him by his—er my—shoulders, while he completely emptied his stomach of its contents. "I think I'm going to die…" He whined and I have _never_ heard Heero whine.

"Wow that must have been some horrid shit to make you want kill yourself over it."

"You have _no_ clue." He gagged leaning into my chest and literally melting against me. I had to hold him to prevent him from taking a plummet to the ground.

"Hee-chan?" I whispered when I realized he was shaking pretty badly. That must have been _toxic_ to make _my_ body have convulsions.

"Augh…I really don't feel good. What the hell did she put in that…" He murmured and I looked around. I heard the door swing open and saw Trowa walk in, doing a double take at Hee-chan who was looking like he was going to die.

"He's getting sick too?"

"What to you mean, 'too'?"

"Relena looks bad, how could she possibly have cooked something that bad…"

"She's Relena." I simply replied. I was getting a little concerned. It's not every often that cooking makes people get so sick, so fast. "Find out what she cooked it with." I spoke after a moment of silence.

Trowa rooted about the kitchen and then Blondie followed. I gave him a silent look and he interpreted it pretty clearly. We both moved to set Hee-chan up on the counter. Originally he was in a sitting position but wound up in a position on his side with his legs still hanging over the edge of the counter. He looked like he was half conscious by this point.

The three of us; Blondie, Trowa and I, gathered all the items used in the cooking process. Why we'd even let her in the kitchen, I really didn't want to know.

"Uh…" I turned to face Zechs, who'd paled considerably and that worried me a lot. "Please tell me this isn't Cyanide…." He showed me the bottle. I walked over and observed the place it was sitting in the cabinet and the blood drained from my face as well. Sitting right next to where the bottle would have been was one of the most common cooking substances: salt. I took the bottle and examined it.

"Oh my god, call Sally _now_!" I yelled to the people in the near next room, "This is rat poison! Relena wasn't paying attention and grabbed the wrong thing! Her cooking literally _will_ kill them!"

I heard someone dash for the phone, assumingly Quatre, and I had to try very hard not to go into 'Duo panic mode'. I wanted to _sooo_ bad, but that wouldn't look very 'Heero' of me. Then again, at that point I was more or less worried whether or not my body was going to die and take Heero's soul with it.

"Wait, they're poisoned? Isn't there some home remedy we can use?"

"I don't know. Don't they pump your stomach to get it out?"

"I think that's for when you overdose on over the counter medicine."

"Damn."

I listened to the voices in the background, not really paying attention to whose voice it was. I was more concerned with the weary look on 'my' face. If he died, then would I die? Since my soul wouldn't be in the right place? Would that mean we would both die? Or would his soul go back into his body when mine left? The questions kept coming to mind faster than I could attempt to think of a possible answer, but the one that kept jumping in between every question: how on earth did this happen to begin with? Would we ever actually find out? Nice time to contemplate the meaning of life, huh?

I was jarred out of my morbid state of mind when Wufei's voice carried over to my ears with great news. For the first time seeing Sally was _good_ news. Heh, I still don't trust a doctor who thinks that Heero had over two hundred broken bones and lacerations and was still able to walk. He's good, but come on. Even I know that—while he is immortal—he's still semi-human. I'm telling you Heero _is_ immortal and should he survive Relena's cooking (which turned out to be deadly after all) that would only stand to prove the point!

"Sally's on her way. We're lucky, because she was just getting ready to head out to another location! Let's move them to another room."

"Yeah." I nodded to Wufei, "and let's dispose of the rest of her …'cooking'."

"I'm all over that." Blondie was quick to offer his help to that. I think that deep down inside he was doing a silent victory dance over Relena's cooking being as bad as he's said it looked like. Hell, even I was doing a slight dance because she nearly killed herself; but that was suppressed by Heero (though only two others knew it was Heero) almost dying from it. Imagine that…Heero…My man god, dying because of Relena! God! I hope Relena suffers from Acid Reflux for the rest of her unholy life! And while that's not the most horrid thing to wish upon someone, it's still a pain in the ass! (Or more or less the lower esophagus.)

If I were looking to be _really_ cruel I would make her play Kingdom Hearts Tenth Chronicle: XXVII. Yeah…Only three more games and we'll finally be in the eleventh Chronicle…Someone shoot me. And that silver haired guy is _still_ in it…and that kid _still _fights with a friggin key…what's up with video games in this era? Shouldn't that kid be dead by now?

"Trust me Heero, I will _not_ let you die because of Relena…" I mumbled, carrying him out of the kitchen and into the living room.

It seemed like it took an eternity before Sally found us, when in reality it probably only took a handful of minutes. When she finally did get to us she and a few others she'd brought along with her dragged the two of them away, kindly telling me to stay back. Nice of them, huh?

"He's not going to die you know," Zechs spoke sitting next to me.

"And what makes you so confident?" I snorted, in a very un-Heero way. I figured, what the hell, he knew about the situation anyway.

"Because, to die because of Relena wouldn't set well with him and I seriously don't think he would even know _how_ to haunt someone; so the only option he has is to not die."

"How very comforting." I mumbled.

"Besides, if Heero dies then there's no way he'll get to live to see Relena be broken into a pile of pink princess mush," Wufei sat on my other side, looking very unworried. I supposed I shouldn't have been very worried either. I mean it was Heero. Hell… I think that even if my body completely just died, his will alone would make it move. Heero's kinda creepy that way, but you gotta love the man for being an inhuman freak.

"I guess you're right…"

"Think of it this way; when they finally do recover, this will give you ammunition to get pissed and shoot my sister…not before admitting your undying love to 'Duo'!"

"ZECHS!"

"What? I think that would be hysterical. Relena would just shatter into little 'I love Heero' pieces…Hmm…I suppose that did come out a bit cynical didn't it…Should I reword that to make myself sound like less of a sister-hating asshole?"

"Oh, I think it suits you, Zechs." Wufei snorted, with a smirk.

"Really? I thought I was coming off too brash and hateful…"

"Well, you are; but it looks good on you."

"Oh my fecking gods please tell me you two are not _flirting_ in front of me!?" I gasped, my mouth gaping open from listening to Wufei being a total flirt when I didn't think it was even possible for the man to have a sexual orientation period.

"Only in good fun baka, besides, I couldn't _dare_ compete with Trieze!" A wicked glint flashed in the Chinese boy's eyes. He looked over at the blonde, whose face was now bright crimson.

"That's not even funny, there's nothing there! Trieze is _stalking me_! Nothing more!"

"Oh sure." I added with my own smirk.

"You traitor."

"Well, come on now. It's so obvious that there is some sort of reciprocation, other wise you wouldn't have reacted that way and you might have hit him instead of _fleeing_." I smirked knowing that it must have been unsettling considering they were looking at Heero's face.

"What?! You're reading into it too much! There is nothing! _Nothing_! Besides we're talking about _you_ not me." He looked away, and I get the feeling he was trying to avoid having to admit to himself. Part of me was kinda envious of Trieze, because I don't care what Blondie said, there was reaction and… well… honestly, Blondie was a fine catch. And I like to think I have very good taste.

"Right." I simply replied, snorting.

"I'm serious!"

"I know, but you keep convincing me other wise the more you try and get defensive."

"Oh…you know what! You're just wicked, no wonder Heero wants to thrash you all the time!" He stood up and retreated into the kitchen leaving Wufei and I to sit on the stairs alone.

"Hey, he only wants to thrash me some of the time, not all! Because half of the time he simply wants to shoot me!"

"_Smartass_." I heard his voice come faint as he replied with a shout through the closed door.

"But you know, Heero probably won't ever pull the trigger…" Wufei snorted. "I don't think I've ever seen him shoot that gun, come to think of it…"

"Makes you question why he has it…"

It wasn't but a few minutes later that Blondie returned with three mugs of steaming tea, which—in this circumstance—I welcomed. With two mugs in one hand and one in the other, I must give it to the man; he's got better balance that I ever will. I would have spilt it already and be screaming down the hall, since my pants would have boiling hot water spilled all down the front; because that's just my luck, you see.

"You didn't poison it, now did you? Or better yet; I should say, you didn't put 'salt' in it did you?" I commented with bitter sarcasm.

"Hey, come on now. I may be blonde, but I'm not Relena and I think it's safe to assume I don't share any genetic traits with her—most especially not her ability to overlook potentially deadly things."

"That's a blessing in itself. The minute you start acting like Relena, I'll fire Heero's gun for him."

"Well, you have no need to worry." He sipped his tea and shook his head, clearly shuddering at the thought of having any sort of serious resemblance to Relena as far as personality goes. After all, he can't really help the physical similarities. That's entirely his parent's fault.

The door to the upstairs room opened and the three of us looked up to see Sally and her assistants—whose names I don't know and really don't need to know—walking toward the staircase. I stood up, as did Wufei and Blondie was already standing.

"Is he okay?" I asked, specifically omitting any concern about Relena. The bitch could die for all I care.

She looked down at me and smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief. Just for that stunt Relena was going to pay…._ Dearly_.

**To be continued… **


	16. 16 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**_  
Chapter Sixteen_

Heero

I remember waking up and feeling like my insides were burning. It wasn't the most pleasant feeling I'd ever had and it certainly wasn't something I wanted to wake up feeling again. It took me a moment to remember exactly why I was feeling like someone dumped acid into my stomach, but it didn't take me long to recollect that Relena is a shit cook. Man, she must have been a really horrible cook to make me pass out like that and that is what I assumed had happened.

I stirred and sat up hesitantly, noting that I was no longer in the kitchen; where I'd remembered running to spew that ungodly excuse for shit that she'd tried to pass off as food. Zechs was right; I should have shot his sister and saved us all the trouble…but _noooo…_ Duo had to get in the way be all heroic and shoot me in a somewhat captivating kind of way…

I quickly discovered that I had _the_ nastiest taste in my mouth. It made me grimace. I moved my feet over the edge of the bed and slowly stood, not making it very far before my leg tangled and sent me directly into the wood floor.

"Augh…someone must _really_ hate me…" I grumbled.

"Well it certainly isn't Relena," the smooth baritone of Zech's voice all but rolled into the room. I turned over on my back to glare up at him.

"Nice to see that you feel such pity for me."

"No, the real pity is that you were insane enough to eat food cooked with rat poisoning in it."

"Rat poisoning?"

"Indeed. Apparently Relena didn't notice that what she thought as 'salt' was pouring out in pellets not granules…Sadly, she lived," Having said this; he closed his eyes like he was truly disappointed.

"Go figure…" I leaned my head back on the floor and glared up at the ceiling fan.

"You know, that was pretty brave of you. Though I question, for what reason _did_ you partake in her challenge? That wasn't another one of your suicide attempts was it?" He kneeled down and looked at me with question.

"Very funny."

"Well funny or no, you ought to consider getting up. It's five o'clock in the afternoon." He held out a hand to me and I blinked at him slowly, trying to comprehend his words.

"Wait…it was past seven when…"

"Yes, and you've been in a comatose state for nearly a day. They had to pump your stomach and the whole bit. Actually I'm not really sure what all they did do to you, but you were nonfunctional when they finished. Sally left about four hours ago. Told me to tell you something; but honestly I forgot, so I guess you'll live without knowing what the message was."

"Oh that's just nice…" I took his hand and he helped me to my feet. "You know, all the shit started to hit the fan when Duo and I mysteriously switched bodies…"

"Shit hitting a fan is not a very pleasant thought…"

"**_You know what I mean_**!"

"Relax. You're supposed to be Heero right? I think you're getting too _into_ this Duo role…For one, you have still yet to kick me out and second, you're acting…well like you _have_ emotions."

"Are you trying to pick a fight?"

"Perhaps."

"Damn you, Zechs, just… **_damn_**. **_you_**."

"Well, look who's alive." A convenient voice broke between us. I turned to face the opening of the room and found Wufei leaned against the doorframe. "It's about time, I was afraid I would have to perform an ancient Chinese ritual and make a live sacrifice in order to bring you back."

"That's not a Chinese ritual…you don't make live sacrifices…" Zechs looked at him, with slight dismay.

"No…it's Satanism, but what's the difference?"

"You're developing a sense of humor, Wufei." I said plainly.

"Yeah, and?"

"Stop it. It's frightening me."

"It could be worse…"

"Yeah, you could be Relena…" I paused. "Speaking of Relena where is she now?"

"Oh, my dip shit of a sister is in her—well actually your—room trying to recover. How she managed to get out of dying again, is beyond me…" Zechs gave an uncaring look of irritation.

"Dude, you realize that it's kinda _sick_ that you want your sister to die that much, right?"

"Yeah, but you try being related to Relena…and did you just call me 'dude'?" Zechs blinked at me and I realized that I had, indeed, addressed him as something I never would have addressed him with had I been in my own body.

"I…" My mouth hung open for a moment. "It seems I did."

"I don't know how, but we've got to get this reversed…other wise I'm going to start forgetting that there was any switch at all. It's like your mentally morphing into each other…" Wufei added.

"I don't wanna be baka…"

"Whining is also not a Heero characteristic."

"**_I didn't do it on purpose_**!"

"Okay, okay, before we get into a large yelling fest I say we go find 'Heero' and inform him you're alive."

"Fine I suppose…" I grumbled.

Now I wasn't the only one seeing the change in my natural behavior. _Fuck_. Which considering the circumstances, _fuck_ deems appropriate. I was sort of walked by my two-person escort into the hall, which led me to believe that I was in Quatre's room. It was the only room that would probably have been deemed livable at the moment. I guess they didn't want to risk Duo's room. Not that I could blame them. I didn't want to risk that room either and now I was forced to live in it.

On the way down the stairs we ran into the rich heir himself. He looked astonishingly happy, to the point where I was expecting him to bounce at any given moment. Which also would have been deemed in the category of something he would do. Sadly, I know too much about Quatre's behavior. But mentally I was thanking that it wasn't him that I'd switched bodies with. That would have been a painful act to try and play. And I mean more painful than Relena's cooking…

...Okay well that's not quite possible…because I've never wanted to die so bad in my life, but you get my point.

"Duo! You're okay! I'm so glad!" The soft caring-ness in his voice made me cringe. Too. Much. Caring.

"Yeah, I feel a bit like shit; but I survived something that could fall in line with the apocalypse, so I guess it's all good!"

"Heh, Heero was worried about you." Quatre gave me the big, 'omigod I'm so cute and innocent fluffy bunnies are cuddly and you will die of my complete adorable-ness' eyes. "He tried not to show it, but I could tell…He hasn't even asked if Relena was still alive…"

"Maybe because he's praying she won't be." Zechs mumbled almost inaudibly.

A loud metallic pang rang through the house. It was enough to rattle the walls and each of us jumped. Following the fact, it kinda made me feel stupid. Here I am, a hard-trained Gundam pilot, and I'm jumping at the sound of random crashing sounds in the house. We all looked around and blinked; not really having much of a clue as to what was going on; but for some reason it always seems to be that way.

"Somehow…I have a feeling that that had something to do with Duo." Wufei whispered so that only Zechs and I could hear it, for fear of exposing the whole ordeal to Quatre. It wasn't like I didn't trust Quatre; but the less people who knew about this newly developed liability, the better. Besides we really didn't need any extra drama.

"We'd better go check that out." Another loud sound followed, but this time it sounded more like a tiny explosion and we all turned and darted back up the stairs…Well, I more or less walked back up. We all found ourselves in front of the door to Relena's temporary room.

"Oh god…what did you do, baka…" I mumbled and pushed the door open, peering in carefully. I immediately withdrew from the haze of thick black fog and instantaneous coughing.

"The hell…?"

Covering his mouth, Wufei braved the black hazy abyss. I could see him waving the smoke out of his eyes as he peered around. "You know, it would be too much asking for whatever happened in here to have taken her out too hmm?"

"Don't say that where she can hear you." Zechs snorted lowly.

"Oh, so you think it would be better if I spoke it behind her back?" He looked back at Zechs who continued to wear his mask of indifference. "You are _the_ coldest sibling I've ever met, you know that? In my culture we respect and honor our families."

"You try being related to Relena."

"Not that I don't believe you, but…Hey… I found her." The Chinese pilot interrupted his own sentence to bring us such breaking news. "Hm…sadly you will be disappointed."

"Damn it she's alive."

"Uh, what on earth is going on here?" The familiar voice—that used to be mine—made its presence known from behind us. I turned and gave him a stern scowl, even if at first glance I thought I was looking into a mirror. This sort of thing is hard to get used to you know. It's not easy wearing a certain expression then seeing your image without that expression. It makes you feel detached.

"Why don't _you_ tell us, baka." I whispered harshly. "I assume you _did_ set that damnable alarm clock of yours up, in her room."

"Yeah, I said I woul- wait…that thing wasn't supposed to go off in the night hours…" He frowned discreetly and I fought the urge to shake my head in disapproval. He was more concerned because his alarm malfunctioned than the fact that my room was now hazed with smoke and that there was a girl, albeit a bitch of a girl, in that very room probably half choking on the smoke.

"Exactly what does this alarm clock _do_, baka?" I leaned in close to whisper directly in his ear, and hopefully prevent Quatre from getting the suspicion that we were discussing something that he could question.

"Well you see, when you fail to hit the snooze button…it kind of explodes."

"You've _got_ to be kidding me!" I spoke loudly…Too loudly, because everyone turned to look at me. Even Wufei and Zechs who'd begun to fan the room clear of smoke. I wanted to sink into myself at that moment. And here I had been getting on to Duo for screwing up and I had just made a slightly well sized error.

"It wasn't important." Baka spoke in the best monotone he could, which even putting the word monotone with Duo just…seemed…wrong… Like me being happy. It just didn't seem right. Can you just imagine that in a normal world? A 'Happy Heero' and a 'Monotone Duo'? Yeah, I couldn't either, and the only time that would ever happen was if we switched bodies…and well; given the circumstances, that statement speaks worlds of it's own if you simply think about the factors surrounding this retelling.

I dropped my voice again once they finally got the clue that my glare was not me simply telling them to continue gawking at me. My eyes fell back to my ex. Face (that sounds weird to say) and I crossed my arms, still slightly irritated at my imperfection and fully willing to take it out on the person that happened to understand my blunder the best.

"Don't blame that one on me Hee-chan." He whispered.

"If you weren't such an idiot trying to obviously kill Relena!" I hissed back.

"I wasn't trying to _kill_ her! It was only to scare her!" Our voices were steadily getting louder to the point where the others—while still not able to hear the conversation in detail—could hear that we were beginning to argue.

"We'll be back in a minute," I turned and said to the others. I forced a smile, though I was sure they could tell I was pissed underneath that fake and incredibly strained grin. I grabbed Duo and pulled him into the next room. It so happened to be Wufei's. I didn't figure he would mind. With our situation; if he did, I would have all the more reason to take my frustrations out on the next living object.

I pushed him into the room and slammed the door shut. "What are you thinking? It would be one thing if we were in our own bodies. Actually it would but funny if nothing else, but if you keep this up this will all get out and then we'll have a lot more complications to deal with!"

"Heero, they're our friends! Save for Relena…why do we have to keep if from them?!" He growled back.

"Oh, I don't know…let's see, Quatre is a _drama_ queen and Trowa keeps _nothing_ from Quatre and right now we need to work on figuring out our problem! Not being in the middle of a giant pool of drama! It's bad enough we're starting to naturally act like each other. And don't tell me you're not feeling the same."

"I know what you mean, but what can we do? It's not like we can call up the doctors and say, 'hey you know we kinda switched bodies, do you wanna help us here?' This is something that has to figure itself out! There _has_ to be a reason for it!"

"I don't care what the reason is, you baka! I want _my_ body back! I can't stand being **_you_** anymore!"

I immediately bit my lip when the words flew out. I knew that would hit hard and I hadn't meant to sound so harsh about it. He pulled his gaze away from mine and became silent.

Shit.

**To be continued…**


	17. 17 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo **  
_Chapter Seventeen _

Duo

I bit my lip and restrained the urge to snap an angry retort at him. It was safe to assume his comment hurt me at least a little…Aw fuck it, actually it hurt a lot, and I wasn't expecting something like that to. After all, he'd said worse things to me before…it was Heero after all…but then again, that might be the very reason why it did hurt me…and of course, it would _have_ to be him that made me feel like complete _shit_. I should have been used to that.

"Well I don't like being you either," I finally replied coldly, doing my best to avoid eye contact.

"I guess I'm going to get the cold shoulder from you now?" He snorted, "If I offended you, **_baka_**, then why don't you actually _do_ something about it for a change!"

"Oh? Like _what_? Hit you? I'm saving that for when you finally cross the line beyond where you've already stepped!" I growled. I didn't really give much of a damn if I was acting out of my forced 'role'. At that moment…Heero could just kiss my ass.

"Really now, huh? Because if you want the truth, **_baka_**: I hate being **you**, I hate having to pretend to be **you**, I hate being **around you**, and I just plain hate **you**!"

Before I even had the chance to catch myself, my fist connected with his jaw and let off a pleasant 'crack' sound. He toppled over gracelessly and landed flat on his ass (or mine in retrospect). I knew I'd really let him have it when my wrist burned with a dull ache of being bruised to the bone. I was left holding my left hand while he tried to un-daze himself. Yes, I'd knocked the stars into his eyes, but he looked like he'd been expecting it. He held the side of his face gingerly and languidly stared up at me.

"I don't care if you hate me Heero. It's no different than before; but do me a favor and don't trample all over me by telling me how you really feel. I don't want your honesty. I'd rather you lie… than shatter my image of you." I said nothing else.

I hesitated before I finally made up my mind to leave. He was a big enough boy to pick himself up, especially considering it was my body he provoked me into hitting…That conniving bastard probably had it planned that way too.

I absentmindedly ran into Quatre, but I made it my goal to avoid his gaze because those cerulean eyes have a way of opening people up and at that moment I just wanted to walk away and not deal with any other living creature. Especially one who would try his damnedest to try and 'make everything better'.

I left his sight with great speed and when the door swung shut, I stopped and leaned against the wall holding my wrist. I forgot to take into account that it had been the hand I hit him with that had been broken several weeks before. I could feel the re-fracture and it wasn't pleasant, not to mention would give Heero even more reason to hate me. Though, I did hit myself in that move; so it's not like I didn't pay for it when you added up all the damages…I probably busted his jaw pretty good

"Oh you are just so smart, Duo. Yes, you're the brightest crayon out of the whole box!" I growled to myself sarcastically. What kinda dip shit hits himself and manages to break their wrist? The fuck? Circular logic, man! And all in all, it makes no goddamn sense whatsoever!

I slid down the wall, clutching a throbbing wrist and wounded feelings. He'd never screamed at me before. Granted the circumstances were strange…But still…He didn't have to be such an _asshole_ about it. Some how though, in my clouded little haze of "Heero is Perfect", I still couldn't bring myself to aim a negative thought toward him. Yeah, I hit him…but almost instantaneously I felt regret for doing so…Heero truly had me wrapped around his little finger and he didn't even know it…

A sigh escaped and I cringed when I heard Quatre's motherly call of: "Oh my god, Duo what happened to your face?!" I groaned and wanted to curl up inside myself and disappear…I'd single handedly caused a nice rift between us and managed to get Quatre involved and once he starts the worry, it doesn't stop until everyone is hunky dory again…

And all of this because of one mouth off from Heero…

For once I claim the notion of: This is not _my_ fault…He started it…because he did…the odd thing is when he first said it he cringed like he wasn't supposed to say that. Maybe I took it out of context…I don't know! I doubt myself! _Fuck_! Okay Duo, think man…you're not an evil, life sucking, scumbag that obsesses Heero to death! You're an okay guy!

…Some how I don't feel better…

"Well, don't you look just well?"

I looked up tiredly and sighed…I knew I would have to at least explain this to Wufei…He had become the practical confidant of the group…Ironic as it is, considering he's the one who wanted nothing to do with us since the beginning…I knew he was a softy deep down inside…outside of being a sarcastic bastard on the occasion…he actually could be pretty funny…

"Yes, and I feel like skipping and doing hopscotch and stuff…" I snorted. "You're going to ask. I'm going to say "It's a long story"; you will say "I've got time", I will sigh and say "fine", and proceed to tell you the whole thing verbatim to how it happened, so let's skip all of that m'kay?"

"…Surely, baka, considering you just wasted more breath explaining that to me than you would have if we'd just plain out gone along with the so called preset script you've managed to assign us…"

"Oh, thank you Master sarcasm!" I scoffed.

"But seriously, what happened to your hand? You know Heero's gonna kill you if you managed to damage his precious and possibly inhumane body…Because we all know…Heero does take special enjoyment out of terrorizing and mutilating that body on his own…" He gave me the innocent; 'just asking out of curiosity not because I'm a nosy **bastard**' look.

"Well…let's just say that's the first time I was the one to deck _myself_."

"And I managed to miss this occasion? How unfortunate. But really, there aren't many reasons you would just up and deck yourself—or rather—deck Heero. He must have done, or said something pretty wrongful."

"I suppose maybe I took it out of context…"

"Now I _know_ you're full of shit." He snorted and gave me the "fess up bitch or you'll get more than just my fist" look. I'll tell you what that look means _business_! Fei-baby doesn't play around when he wants to know something…And while I say he _might_ be a nice guy, I mean he's a nice guy until you cross his path…Then he's a mean, mean, **evil** bastard…

I sighed, and realized how stupid it was going to sound to him. How much more could I possible humiliate myself than by opening my stupid mouth to speak…because we all know that I have a problem with keeping my words…well…senseful. I stood up and motioned for him to follow me. That would be very odd if, say, Quatre walked back in? Oh, I would never hear the end of it from Heero if I made him look like a wimp…

I turned and discreetly pulled him into the hallway bathroom with me. I sighed again and sat down on the edge of the tub, giving him my most pathetic 'Heero' look.

"Speak." He said simply as he moved to retrieve the monster of a first aid kit that we have. When I say monster I mean it…I mean how many normal people have full dose anesthetics in their medicine kit? I didn't think so!

"Okay, okay…" I groaned, not wanting to sound like an idiot…or should I say more of an idiot than I usually do? You know…I repeat myself a lot… No wonder Hee-chan can't stand reading what I write… "We got into a little fight, I guess you could say…I said something…he responded with something to the effect of 'I don't want to be **_you_** either' and I got a little miffed. Then he challenged me, I told him I wasn't pissed off enough, he told me he hated me, and I hit him…and that's pretty much the gist…."

"That doesn't sound like Heero…Of course… this doesn't sound like you either." He idly mentioned as he knelt on the floor before me and pulled my wrist to him…quite roughly I might add, which hurt like a son of a bitch! I mean _really_! He could stand to be a bit _nicer_!

"What do you mean it doesn't sound like me?"

"You're starting to talk less, respond less…hell, you cut a paragraph that you would have normally taken longer to describe than it would have taken to happen and you just condensed it into a single sentence. You guys are slowly becoming each other without even realizing…"

I didn't say anything at first and he was kind enough to give me time to comprehend that in my mind. He was right though…we were learning how to adapt to each other _too_ well.

"Damn it…why did this have to happen to me!" I whined, without realizing I'd spoken it verbally.

"Lost your power of internal dialogue, I see." The Chinese _bastard _smirked at me, wrapping my hand with a bandage and being careful to keep the brace on straight. "But who knows why all the shit happens to you. I always thought you were an unlucky son of a bitch…First you're American, then-"

"You just _think_ you're funny don't you?"

"Of course I do. But all jokes… well all truth aside,"

"Jerk." I stuck my tongue out and was awarded with a devious smirk.

"Ahem, you really need to have a one on one with Heero. A serious one. Because if you don't tell him you're head over heels for him then he's going to ignore you. He's not as observant as we all like to believe."

My head shot up and I looked him straight in the eye. He held no look of joking in them, so I was left to assume he wasn't just guessing this. He knew how I felt about Heero…

"I can't keep _anything_ from you, can I?" I looked down at my lap.

"No, you can't. Mainly because you trust me. I question it to this day; but still, you should say something. I know you have that little part of you that's a big chicken _ass,_ but you're still Duo Maxwell and when was the last time Duo Maxwell ever laid down and died like you're doing now?"

"Never!"

"Exactly. So you'd better straighten this crap out before you make me intervene…and you know what will happen when I intervene."

"Something to the effect of screaming out your newly developed black mail knowledge with everyone present with waiting ears…"

"Precisely, and I know you don't want that. And would you quit moving your arm or I'll never get it straight again and Heero will kill _me_ for not setting it right." He snipped and I stopped moving, despite the urge to reposition my arm again. I have no idea why, but when I have an injury I like to test the sensitivity of it…that is usually why my wounds take months to heal.

I watched him in silence while he carefully bound the wrist itself. He always looked like he knew what he was doing, probably because, unlike me, he did know what he was doing. Sometimes I envied him. Not only did he have everyone else's respect, but he had Heero's too. While I knew I was equally respected by Quatre, Trowa and even Wufei himself if I stretched it… I knew I would never have Heero's respect…I guess he just never saw me as worthy…

"You need to stop thinking."

"Huh?" I looked up again.

"You need to stop thinking so hard into it. You're going to give yourself a brain aneurysm."

"Ha, ha, funny. I guess I'll just confront him when I need to…" I said leaning my head on my non-injured wrist. "Still, that doesn't mean it'll make things better for anyone…I know he hates me, so really I'm only punishing myself even more by saying something… That makes me a masochist doesn't it?"

"Somewhat, but you don't know what Heero's thinking. For all you know he might feel the same. Fe just doesn't want to say anything or he possibly doesn't know how to say it…I mean we are talking about Master Emotionless…"

"Are you trying to give me hope? Because that's a very creepy thing, coming from you. I just hope you know that." I snorted and he looked at me indignantly.

"Oh, you know what? _Fuck_ you, man! I was grinding my teeth to help you out! I see what I get! You know what, I don't care what happens to you! You can go die for what it's worth!" He huffed and failed at sounding in the slightest bit convincing. "Stupid baka."

"You're such a bad actor, you know that right? I just don't think I should be getting my hopes up about anything that involves Heero. He's already stomped on me enough. I'd give up on him, but we all know I'm too stupid to do anything that might even be registered on any intelligence scale."

"At least you're honest." He snorted putting away the material, into the First Aid kit of **Dooooom**.

"Hey damn it! You're not supposed to _agree_!"

"Well, _you_ said it not me." He gave a very small grin.

"Fine, fine, you big meanie…" I pouted. "See if I ever come to you for help!" I looked away and huffed. It probably looked very quirky in Heero's body, but you know what? At that moment Heero could just kiss my ass (once again).

I blinked when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck. I was almost shocked into a seizure to realize Wufei was hugging me! So what did I do? I took it and ran with it, of course! You don't pass up on the impossible when it finally happens, man! Wufei showing me affection! That's a 'once in a zillion years' kind of happening!

"Don't give up Baka, it looks bad on you."

"Thanks Wufei." I smiled, returning the embrace.

And of course you know, that's when the door opened. We both turned our heads to face the doorway and I nearly choked upon seeing myself standing there. It wasn't very long though; because he left, slamming the door behind him.

We both stayed silent for a moment realizing that we were on the start of a new wave of drama being unfolded.

"You know, Heero is a very temperamental guy…"

"You haven't the first clue Wufei…"

_Shit, shit, shit_! Why does my life have to suck so hard! I swear one fucking drama after another! Some one just put me out of my misery now!

**To be continued….**


	18. 18 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**   
_Chapter Eighteen_

Heero

Duo is an idiot. A big freaking idiot! There I was ready to apologize and he's spilling his guts out to Wufei, hugging him and shit. Yes, I was irritated about that and I won't lie! I was in Duo's body right? And Duo doesn't lie, isn't that how it goes? Well fine, I'll be honest, I _hated_ the fact that he went to Wufei. I hated the fact that he would have rather spoken to him than I, and I'm furious at Wufei! Damn him! Damn! Damn! Damn! …And _damn_ for extra-added measure.

I slammed the door in an angry haze. I could have given a shit less if they were homophobes and there was no freaking way in the world there was anything there. The thing was, I _knew_ Duo! And I knew the likeliness of there being a straight person left in this house was incredibly small! Freaking _baka_!

I was irrationally grumbling to myself while I stomped down the stairs. I was in my own world and so when I stepped on this lovely phantom step, it came as a huge shock to me to I realize I was going head first down the stairs. I suppose there are _some_ lucky stars out there for me to thank, because Zechs was very conveniently placed that moment and caught me before I broke something or cracked my head open. That would have been hard to explain to the owner of the body. After all, it was bad enough the jaw was already busted and bruising. Hurt like a bitch too I tell you; but still workable, so I guess that's the important thing.

"Nice job, I'll give you a nine on that performance. You missed a ten only because you didn't scream an obscenity," the blonde spoke with a straight face.

"Oh, so next time you'd like me to scream '_fuck_' really loud, is that it?" I retorted after he stood me up on my feet a step above him.

"Sure, why not. You're usually not so clumsy you know. Is that body finally having an effect on you?"

"**No**!" I replied with a huff, refusing to acknowledge the truth for what it was.

"You're not even convincing about it anymore, are you? A shame too, it must be hard losing yourself to a foreign body." He replied with a smirk. He walked passed me.

"What are you talking about?" I turned and followed him. Normally I would have ignored him and went on about my own business, but at that moment I needed someone to take my frustrations out on.

"Nothing, nothing really Hee-er-Duo. I just think you're falling into his role so easy that you don't even see the transformation. Wufei thinks the same actually."

I growled at the mention of his name. "What do I care? It's not _my_ fault this happened anyway!"

"Who said it was? I'm just commenting on how I see it. And you know you can't deny it. You're starting to like him aren't you?" He looked at me with a sly expression.

"What are you trying to get at Zechs!?"

"Admit it!"

"I've nothing to admit! And you're one to be talking! You can't even handle your own stalker, let alone try to pry into other people's lives!" I was given a small satisfaction when his face changed colors.

"That's something entirely different!" He coughed, "Besides, I'm not the one in his body and visa versa, now am I?"

"You're a bastard…why did you even come here? Never mind. I don't care. Just mind your own business, you understand?" I gave him a glare worthy of mentioning.

"Very well, though I think you're making a mistake…"

"The only mistake is that you're still here and that your sister is still among the living…" I rolled my eyes, though even he had to admit I made a good point about his sister. I should have shot the bitch. Damn you again, Duo!

"I'll give you the point for that one Heero."

"Good, you should…speaking of obnoxious bitches, where is Relena?" I asked not really wanting to know where she is because I want to find her, but more or less to know where not to go. Not to mention, I was killing for a subject change.

"I believe she's rearranging your kitchen to deem it 'Heero worthy'. I don't know I stopped questioning it the moment that your name was mentioned."

I sighed, "It's probably the safest thing that you didn't ask…god only knows you need to listen to her ramble on and on about me. God, the bitch doesn't even know me! I did not save her of my own free will!"

"I understand what you're saying Heero," Zechs nodded. We both walked down the final steps toward the kitchen. "She's like a demon. Her voice grates your brain so hard that you're compelled to do the very opposite of what you want to do. For instance, I want to kill her, but her voice makes me move further away to avoid shattering my mind. Or with you, you try to kill yourself to escape her; but her voice mind controls you to live."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are the sickest, most disturbed person around?" I mumbled. We made the final transition from the stairway to large living room that could have doubled as a 21st century skating rink.

"Yeah, Treize; but I try not to think about him." He replied with a snort that echoed through the room we had to pass during our trek toward the kitchen…Who's idea was it to isolate the kitchen on the opposite side of the freaking house?

"So, if you don't mind me being nosy—which I know you do, so it only compels me to continue—what is the deal with you and Treize?"

"Do you _have_ to question that?"

"Of course. I have to give some sort of information feed to Duo. After all, normally it would be him pressing for this useless knowledge and not me."

"Since when do you talk so much? And what's with the friendly act all of a sudden? You're freaking me out. Give me back Heero, you fraud." He retorted, cleverly changing the subject again while we walked through the swinging door to the room that was being proverbially raped by Relena.

We stopped and both stepped back closer to the wall in an attempt to avoid flying objects. I leaned forward to try and spot out Relena, while avoiding getting panned in the head by a flying dish or something.

"Relena, let me be blunt about this; what the _fuck_ are you doing in here?"

She stood up and huffed, looking from her brother to me. "I was fixing this horrible excuse for a kitchen! I mean _really_! Don't you know that it's dangerous to put heavy pots and pans in high places? They're supposed to go in lower cabinets!

"Haven't you ever heard of training? Yeah, we like to see who can get slammed in the head with pots and pans the most, without getting a concussion. You should try it…It's fun." I grumbled.

"And your dishes! Have you no organizational skills?" The bitch continued, ignoring my statement.

"We're men, Relena…until one of us mutates some ovaries, I don't think our habits are going to change." I snipped, snatching a pan from her and placing it back in the top cabinet. "Even then…if by _now_ Quatre hasn't grown ovaries then the likeliness of any of us growing ovaries is small. _Very small_."

"He probably has. He's just not telling anyone." Zechs added and I glared at him.

"You're not helping. And Relena put that _back_! I mean it! Leave our things alone!" I growled taking another item she'd deemed unworthy.

"You're so irresponsible. I don't know why Heero stays in the company of you! And why he would even chose to be around you, a street rat!" She glared dead even with me. For that second I felt like I was back in my old body, but I quickly remembered that I was in Baka's place. This gave me free reign to do whatever the hell I wanted and say whatever the hell I wanted.

"Fuck you, Relena, and not in a good way either. You know Heero can't stand you! He _hates_ you!" I stepped closer to her. "I bet it would eat you alive if I said that Heero likes me _more_ than you. Wouldn't it?" I stepped closer and she moved back, suddenly looking a little bit more scared than before. Subsequently, she pressed herself against the wall.

I placed a hand flat on the wall next to her head and she looked up at me. At first with a fearful look, but then she tried to hide it by glaring at me and giving me a hard stone look even though I could see right through it.

"Now, you would have a fit if I told you he **loved** me…wouldn't you?" While I was taunting her, thinking in my mind that Duo was going to tear me into shreds for it; but at that moment; I didn't care. In the background I heard Zechs snort. I think he was getting too much enjoyment out of my display.

"Don't stop on my account," he said leaning again the wall and crossing his arms like an interested spectator. He truly was a freak, I tell you. Most people would have made an attempt to save their sibling; but not that asshole, though you really can't blame him.

I turned back to Relena. "Silly girl… you're in the _wrong_ place, don't you think? He doesn't want you. He's got me."

"Heero would never chose a little filthy orphan over _me_!" She huffed indignantly and I felt a flare of anger that she had the nerve to address Duo in such a demeaning manner. Especially considering that stupid baka saved her life.

"Really now? If I'd known you were going to attempt to get in my way, I'd have let him kill you. Because I don't like little girls trying to get in on my territory. I am a Gundam pilot after all, I'm not afraid to fight and," I moved in to whisper in her ear, "_Kill_ to secure what is mine." She shivered at the finish of that sentence.

I backed up and Zechs snorted a chuckle, "that's laying it on thick eh, 'Duo'?"

"I figured the message needed to get through. Understand Relena?" I looked back to her and she gave me the 'eat shit and die you fucking asshole' look.

"Go to hell Duo, I don't believe a damn thing you say! My Heero is not gay! And he would never go for _you_, even if he was!"

"Stubborn bitch aren't you? Shall I give you details? Convince you? I bet you didn't know that Heero likes to be touched." I slid up beside her and leaned in right next to her ear, where I could cruelly go on with my pseudo erotic 'experiences' with…myself. "Oh yes of course, you wouldn't know that Heero's weak spot is his neck! And that he loves having his nipples sucked on and adores it when I-"

"Stop it!" She screamed and covered her ears. "I don't believe it! I won't!"

"Oh but Relena, he's not interested in you. It's not _your_ name he moans in the middle of the night when we-"

"Noooo!" She wailed and ran. She just ran right out of the kitchen leaving the door to swing behind her in the wake of her overly dramatic exit. She looked like she was about to burst into tears too. I couldn't help the sickening joy that was bubbling up at the thought that I'd just traumatized the queen of bitches.

"Heh, heh, I feel delightfully evil." I cackled lowly.

"Man, I think you just fully earned my respect," the blonde, standing by the very doorway that Relena had just gone screeching through, whistled.

"Thank you, I think that was a rather good performance… don't you?" I smirked, feeling better.

"Oh yes, I do think so very much. You had a very frighteningly convincing Duo moment…If you don't stop it I'm going to forget that you're not Duo."

"Oh please," I rolled my eyes and began the attempt to put the things that Relena had strewn about, to their rightful place. "I was only acting the part, hoping she might get the hint."

"Or, possibly you were vocalizing a personal fantasy?" He grinned, moving next to me to carry off a stack of plates.

I felt my face heat up, "That's not even close, but good try."

"Your face is changing colors! I knew you had a thing for that little American." He chuckled and I growled.

"That has _nothing _to do with anything! I swear!" I sent him a glare before I returned more pans back to their home above the stove. That's right bitch, _above_. We live dangerously and we like it!

"Oh surely you jest. You can't even say that with an even tone!" His tone was getting too cocky by this point. I paused to watch him as he moved to stand in front of me, blocking me off from my next target. "Now don't even try to tell me that you have no feelings for him at all!"

"I have _none_! None at all!"

"Liar." He outright laughed, which pissed me off in the slightest degree.

"Who the hell are you to tell me I'm a liar?!"

"Oh Heero, you're almost as obvious as he!"

"Explain!"

"Not many people would risk their own health to stand up for a person they detest as much as you claim to. And you've risked yourself a number of times. Most recently, taste testing my sister's poor excuse for cooking. Besides, you seem to be more lenient with him above everyone else." He grinned. "Oh! And before I forget! Wasn't it _you_ who mouth to mouthed the boy back to the living world?" He smirked and I felt my face heat up.

"That wasn't anything more than me saving a weak idiot!"

"Oh? Now was it? According to Wufei, you seemed to care a lot." He folded his arms and leaned closer to me.

"Back off Zechs. This has nothing to do with you!" I snarled, feeling violated in an emotional way.

"Oh it does now, Heero. Because what you feel here," he paused running a finger down my collarbone and stopped at my chest, "affects all of us. Don't be proud. If you hated him like you try to make him believe, you'd have killed him already. And if you're denying it… you're a fool." He stood back, pressing his hand against the door.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean? Stop talking in fucking riddles! What is that? A goddamned Peacecraft thing?!"

"I'm not talking in riddles. I'm saying that you've got a big-hearted, loving, and charismatic crush that you're ignoring. If you don't take advantage of that, I may just have to." He turned toward the door leading out of the kitchen and gave me a resolute grin.

I glared at him for a minute before I could form the words to respond. While I was naturally a rival to Zechs, I hadn't seriously considered him a rival for baka's attention. I'd always come to the conclusion that after months of it being a given, I would always have his attention whether I wanted it or not. Now my mind was processing that he could possibly be taken away from me. And right then, that idea didn't sound like one that was making me happy.

"Go to hell Zechs! And you stay away from him! He's fucking **_mine_**! Do you hear me?!"

"Yours, eh?"

"Yes, **mine**! I don't even care what you fucking think anymore! It doesn't matter if I tell you my deepest feelings or if you don't believe me when I do say something. If I loved that damn baka it shouldn't matter to you anyway! I know him better than you, or anyone, ever will! And goddamn it if it doesn't _stay that way_!!" I spat my angry words at him and stopped for a deep breath.

"Well said Heero. I expected you to give us an interesting show, but not this enthusiastic!"

"…Us?" I flinched at the realization that he was indicating that we weren't alone.

"Oh yes, you were too busy shrieking at me to realize that there are two people standing outside this door here." He said pulling his hand back taking away the blockade that was preventing the door from swinging ajar, giving me a clear-as-day view of Wufei and…

…. Fuck.

**To be continued…**


	19. 19 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo** _  
Chapter Nineteen_

Duo

I must have stood there looking like a total fool with my mouth open and slightly shocked. It appeared that Zechs had been holding the door closed when Wufei had tried to open it. Then the loud shouts carried through the door and I finally realized what Blondie was doing. Though, the way half of it was carried out made me consider blushing. I mean, he didn't _have_ to be so suggestive about it.

He finally let up on the door; grinning like a fool as Heero realized the massive setup he was just played into, unbeknownst to all of us save for one clever Lightening Count.

Well…I supposed he would get his own surprise in due time…(This makes me cackle when I think about it).

"…I…eh…mmm…" Heero slumped his shoulders and gave up trying to explain any of that. He turned to send the 'go die' look at Zechs, "I hate you. I sincerely hate your guts…" His voice dropped to a whisper, even though I still managed to know what he was saying. He's the one who taught me lip reading, after all. "I'm going to learn how to forge your handwriting and I'm sending Treize a love letter in your name!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Oh, I will. I promise."

"Ahem." I cleared my throat, "I don't know what's going on here, but it seems like Hee-chan and I need to talk." I added in a bit of gruff to ascertain that I was serious and not just playing 'Heero'. Everyone in the room knew the situation. "So yeah, thanks for your 'help' Blondie, but we're good from here I think. Oh, and you have someone waiting for you in the living room." I grinned so much more widely than I should have in Heero's body.

"Say what?" His normally deep, strong voice wavered and I'm sure his mind pretty much planted itself on who the mystery person was.

"Yeah, and he's quite eager to see you!" I taunted, getting my personal pleasure from the very concept, "according to him anyway. Who knew he was such a gentleman." I added wistfully. "Even when he thinks he's talking to Heero! You sure picked a good one, 'Milliardo', I bet he's pretty good at making you screa-"

"**Shut up, damn you**!" Zechs damn near growled, hiding his eyes beneath the convenient blanket of his unruly hair. But still, despite that; you could see that his face was lit up like a Christmas tree decorated in nothing but the reddest of red lights. "I'm leaving this room now," he hastily made way toward the door, pushing his way passed Wufei. You certainly didn't have to strain your ears to hear the resounding echoes of 'damn you Treize!'.

"Hmm…seems like the Peacecraft family has a tendency to fall victim to a few taunts and occasional sexual innuendos…" I mused, mentally putting together Relena's reactions with Zechs's.

"Justice has been served." Heero cackled almost creepily.

"That's my line, I'll have you know," Wufei cut in. "You didn't have that planned out, did you? That was awful convenient for Treize to pop in out of no where." He crossed his arms and I contemplated that myself. When would he have had time for that?

"…I'm good, man, but not that good." He paused and I had to blink. We all realized that no one was behind it.

"Wait then, how did…?"

"I called him." It was the soft voice of our favorite blonde, and possibly female by all probable means, that called our attention. Quatre smiled, bringing back the phone in his hand as he pushed the door the rest of the way open to enter the kitchen. "Oh I just couldn't stand seeing you guys to tense! So I invited him here for a while, he's been quite a pleasant person ever since the war, I think, and I'm sure he'll be able to help lighten the tensions!"

Oh Quatre, you dear, dear damned Fool! Treize is the last person you want if you're looking to retain any sort of comfortable environment! What were you thinking?!

"Anyway, we'll go now and leave you two to talk. I can tell something is bothering you." Quatre and that feeling of knowing everything! He's got that creepy freaking woman's intuition thing going on!

"Tch, make it quick you guys. I don't know how long I'm going to be able to tolerate being in the same room as Treize with his sick obsession over Zechs." Fei-baby mumbled and left with a wave. He really can be a nice guy once in a while…just to think all it took was some Nyquil and Cocaine!

…That was a joke…okay?

Laugh damn you. (Yeah I totally stole that from Fei-baby).

"Take your time guys, seriously," Quatre sighed, almost pleased with himself. The conniving little demon knew what he was doing… "Don't you come out here, unless you're on good terms!" He scolded, yet still retained that 'hate melting' smile. No freaking wonder Trowa was entranced by Quatre. I can't imagine it would be easy to say no…Besides, I'm sure he's quite a sex kitten.

…What? It's always the quiet, nice ones man! (And those two together, do equal quiet and nice.)

"Thanks Quatre," Heero replied, which had reminded me (hell and probably him too) that Quatre didn't know our 'situation'.

"Of course Duo!" He smiled and took leave…which resulted in this nice, heavy, practically suffocating, awkward silence.

I didn't know just how I was supposed to start off that topic. This isn't just a normal guy who you can just up and talk about the weather, or sports, or girls—in my case guys—or something minute like that. I kinda looked around for a moment before, surprisingly, he started the conversation off.

"You know, I'm not even going to try and explain that…" He spoke rather calmly, with one hand on the left hip and the other casually running through the loose brown bangs.

"Oh? Not going to try to defend your reasoning?"

"What reasoning? Let's face it, I somewhat hung myself back there…No point in trying to reverse it when you heard the words out of my, well supposedly, my mouth. That's definitely harder to make up a bullshit excuse for than, say, if you hadn't heard it with your own ears?"

"So you're not going to try and tell me that you were lying?" I questioned, an eyebrow arched.

"I won't."

"And that you actually despise me…"

"I don't."

"So you're saying everything you said wasn't a momentary fabrication and you weren't only trying to fend off Zechs?"

"That's exactly it."

I paused my questioning. I had a hard time believing he wasn't lying to me. I mean come on, this is the very same guy that tells me he hates my guts and wants to kill me. Periodically. Of course, that's not counting that he's never actually laid a hand on me. He always has a good excuse ready for why he hasn't killed me yet. Now he was looking me dead in the eyes and telling me he was not going to take it all back…_ 'I have died and God is playing a very cruel trick with my fantasies, I know it.'_

"Yes, you're probably having a minor heart attack or brain aneurysm over there trying to enlighten yourself; but trust you me, I'm not lying. What's the point?" He looked away. "After all…it makes us look like Zechs and Treize… It is so obvious that Treize loves Zechs and even though he denies it, Zechs loves him back. They're clear as day, yet I've been oblivious this whole time of my own personal affairs. I feel foolish to have noticed their behavior, but not how similar our situation is to theirs."

"Who are you and what have you done with Heero?"

"I mean it, seriously. I've done my best to ignore you. I felt awkwardly pleasant, so much that I kept forcing myself to believe you were just annoying…" He looked away at nothing in general. This was definitely not his area of human interaction.

"I…never thought you felt like that at all…I always assumed you were focused and…I guess I never considered that I made you uncomfortable, but I only wanted your attention Heero. I'm kinda pathetic like that, but I just wanted to be your friend if nothing else…" I replied looking down at the floor wistfully. It seemed too weird to look at my own face while talking to Heero. It was bad enough I was using his voice too.

"You know as well as any that I'm not good with emotions. I wasn't raised to feel them." He paused and I suddenly felt a little discouraged. Was he trying to tell me it would be impossible? "But I'm not too old to learn, you know. By God if Wufei managed to accomplish removing the dead animal from his ass, then I can learn to be human too…I think."

I snorted, "That's the Heero I like!"

Trowa, the one we ignore more than we should, came through the door before any more words could be spoken. If Trowa interrupts something then it must be worthy of attention. We both waited for him to speak.

"We've a mission. An urgent one. Sally says Sanc is facing another attack from the left over OZ soldiers again." He gave the information paraphrased and simple. The Trowa way. We got missions like those periodically. OZ likes to linger like an unwanted disease. The remaining White Fang members occasionally stirred up trouble too.

"More OZ soldiers? I thought most of them gave up after the last attempt…you don't think their sudden revival has something to do with Treize being confirmed as alive?" I asked.

"Of course not, Treize has been kept hidden for a while now. Lady Une has made sure of that. Not to mention, Treize has no real reason to start shit again, I don't assume." Heero snorted a reply.

"Whatever the case, Lady Une wants us to unearth the Gundams. Apparently they've collected leftover Vayeate's and Mercurius's and re-configured some of them to pilot…" Trowa added with a look of seriousness. He gave a nodding motion for us to follow him and we did. "Quatre agreed to stay here with Relena and Treize. We can't let him be seen by OZ remnants. If they knew he was alive they might revolt terribly."

Yeah, trust you me, it was surprising to find out Treize survived the fight between him and Wufei. Apparently his Tallgeese was built with a pretty sturdy ejection pod that even he wasn't aware of. Sometimes when he's around it feels like the old days before the war broke it's most crucial point. Zechs was astounded when the news was broken to him. I'm still not sure what to make of his reaction. He had such a look of shock and almost hurt, from what little I saw. I've still got a lot of prying, questioning, and puzzle working to do before I finally figured out what the deal was with them.

Personally I think the war was really just one large lovers quarrel between Treize and Zechs.

We walked out into the main room seeing the others already ready to go. Well except for the nagging that was going back and forth between Zechs and Treize.

"No, you are not coming Treize."

"Bu-"

"I will be fine Treize."

"Ar-"

"I think I can manage that much Treize." Zechs was tapping his foot impatiently. Man, I must say, peacetime has really put a change in his behavior…at least partially. Or that could have just been the side effect of Treize…Who knows?

"Wel-"

"Before you ask any more questions: I will be fine, I am a Gundam pilot? Remember? Second, I will come back. Three, I will never get out of your reach; because you seriously know how to stalk me, so quit worrying!" He huffed.

"Touché, chéri, touché." Treize held up his hands in defeat.

Zechs sighed and with a snort he finally turned to face us. "Can we go now? I'd like to get this over with and Lady Une is getting impatient judging by the communicator that she keeps buzzing me on, which I've made it my goal not to answer."

We all nodded and hastily made way to our Gundams, locked in their specially built hangar, before Relena could pelt us with questions. As far as I knew, she wasn't even aware that we rebuilt the Gundams. Except for Tallgeese III. Everyone was aware of that one being around and of the fact that Zechs wouldn't let anyone so much as touch it. The rest of them were rebuilt in secret, with Zechs's help of course. After our expedition in China we decided—he and I—that the Gundams needed to be rebuilt, because that situation could have been avoided and easily dealt with if we had the right equipment. We didn't really tell the others until the Gundams were built…I never told Heero that it was Zechs who had helped me…I don't think he would have appreciated it much… I sometimes felt bad that I hadn't told him about that. But he never asked why I was gone…so I guessed it didn't matter.

Actually…no one really knew about that…they just assumed I talked Howard into helping me…which in reality explains why Zechs came all that way to see me after a minor malfunction caused my Gundam to stall and got me injured. He tends to feel guilty about things like that I'd noticed, even if it wasn't directly his fault.

We got settled into our suits, pulling them up from the lake behind Quatre's "extra house". The one we hide in to keep people from finding us, because by God we still seem to be targets for assassinations. We tried to live normally, until Wufei got shot at a few times.

Wufei's face flicked on the screen of Wing-Zero. Speak of the devil.

'Are you sure you don't want to switch with Heero? Do you think you can handle his Gundam? I mean no one would know if you switched…' He spoke with a very slight, almost microscopic, look of concern on his face.

"I'll see what I can do. I'm more worried about Zechs really." I snorted.

'And why is that?' The blonde's screen flicked next to Wufei.

"Because clearly you haven't slept for several days, I'm assuming." A roll of blue eyes and a questioning look from Wufei were all I received as a reply. "Don't give me that look, Blondie, I've seen you on five days with no sleep and only a large cup of coffee keeping you company. You're not that big of an asshole when you're well rested. And by all means you've proven you can be an asshole in the last two days."

'I'll manage, all right?' He snipped.

'You know…when we get back, oh Blonde one, we're knocking your ass out with sleeping medication; because if that's seriously why you're acting like a dick, then we must do something about it.' Heero added, not bothering to turn anything more than the audio on.

'Watch it there Suicide boy. I'm moody and totally irrational, according to a certain someone; and I might, I don't know, stab you in the head or something.' His tone was indignant as he made a reference to my inability to believe him to be at his finest. So sue me? I could tell when he was not as well tuned as he usually was. The attitude tells everything and also, I was the one who had to help him test-drive the Gundams.

'How can you do that when I'm inside a Gundam?'

'It's perfectly feasible…I'm sure.'

'Okay you two. Knock it off, we've got a job to do and hopefully it'll take little time and we can be back by morning.' Wufei broke in, which I was grateful for. I really didn't want Zechs to test out that theory on my Gundam.

"All right. Let's go in pairs, because if they do have the Mobile Dolls as suits, then there's no way that they're all going to be out in the open. That would be stupid, don't you think?" I suggested.

'You and Heero should go and Wufei and Trowa should follow.' Zechs replied first. 'I'll go in first because my Gundam is the only one that the general population knows about. The situations in the North Atlantic, and previous to that Siberia, were kept under radar well enough. They won't be expecting the four of you, but they will be expecting me. Everyone will."

'You sure you got it okay, though? I mean what if they do send the whole cluster at you? Tallgeese III is tough but it still pales in comparison to when you were piloting Epyon.' Trowa commented idly. Sometimes I forget he's even there, he's so damn quiet.

'I trust you'll back me when I need it. I'm heading out now. Give me ten minutes before you follow.' The line went static and the public transmission was cut, but I knew my personal line to him wasn't cut.

"Are you sure you have this, Zechs? Tallgeese isn't even finished." I spoke, being sure that only he was on the receiving end.

'I'm going to be cautious. But as long as the left flank doesn't get hit, I should be just fine. And for god's sake are you trying to get us in trouble? Telling them how I behave like you _know_ me!'

"But I do!"

'That's not the point! You yourself told me that it would go over very badly if they found out I was the one who had the Gundams rebuilt. It's bad enough Heero thinks I'm out to get you as it is. If he find out you've been disappearing in order to come play Gundam Mechanic with me, he'll go Kamikaze bomber on me and that won't really help much now will it?' He sighed, truly showing his fatigue.

"Heero trusts that I wouldn't do anything, though. By now he should see that…"

'He wouldn't be worried about _you_ doing anything! It's me he doesn't trust. You were never really his enemy like I was. So he has more reason to be protective over you when I'm around, you know?'

"He feels threatened by a handsome man, of course. It's not his fault or yours, for what it's worth. You can't help being a sexy piece of eye candy." I chuckled and winked at him through the video link.

'Now, you see why I worry about Heero _killing_ me? You don't help much you know.' He shook his head but there was certain mirth in his voice. After working on the most frustrating details of Gundam rebuilding with someone, you learn to identify their mannerisms quite well. 'Anyway, watch out for how familiar you act and for God's sake if you slip up don't let it be around Heero or Treize!'

"When are you going to tell me what's going on between you and him?" I interjected before he could add anything.

'Can you pelt me with questioning _later_, please? Get ready to start after me. I'm almost ten minutes from you.' He brushed off the question, but he should have known better than to think I would forget that easily…

"Okay, I'm gonna cut the line; but I'll leave it ready if you need help okay? And be careful…I'm not fully comfortable with Tallgeese not being finished yet and you piloting it like that."

'Over and out.'

The line cut and I opened the public line again. Immediately Heero popped up on the screen and forced hack us to another private line. How he does that I have no idea... Originally I thought he was going to hand me a nice scolding, but instead he sounded irritated. Thankfully it was clearly not directionally at me.

"Damn it baka, how am I supposed to pilot this thing when I can't see anything!?"

"It was adjusted specifically to me Heero…I've only piloted it twice remember? Anyway, you'll need yo switch to enhanced heat vision to get the best image and the cloaking device _should_ be perfect, if not damn near close to perfect. After all you and Wufei were working on its repairs right?"

'Yes, but-Ah! I got it. This feels so unusual.'

"You're ready?" I asked throwing the accelerator into action.

'When you are," He replied. There wasn't much worry between the two of us about me piloting Zero, because I'd done it once before. As long as I kept it under control there would be nothing to worry about. It was he, piloting my new system, that I was unsure about. I hadn't even gotten to learn all of its flaws and the idea of him getting hurt because of that didn't set well.

'Okay guys, let's go, Zechs is far enough out. Drop all of your signals and follow him. We won't be spotted on radar, but he'll know we're behind him anyway.' Wufei instructed, like the dictator he is, over the public link.

"Hey Wufei." I grinned to myself as we all followed Zechs path, keeping an even speed with him so that we didn't close in the gap too much.

'What?'

"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

'You know what… go _fuck_ yourself, Maxwell!'

"If that's really what you want…but I don't know how Heero would feel about me molesting my body with his."

'That's not what I meant…' Wufei replied with a very deft eye roll.

'By all means, this is not a conversation we should be having before going into battle!' Heero interrupted. 'Oh…shit, is Trowa listening in on this?'

"No, I pulled us on a silent line from him. He hasn't said anything though. Which isn't unusual. He probably thinks were all just being quiet."

A static shriek interrupted our lines for a brief second and Zechs voice transmitted across all four lines. 'You guys need to close in the gap fast, there are more of them than I thought.'

"That many? Do you think they were after your sister?"

'Why else would they attack Sanc? I mean everyone knows I don't live there and the only other person with any influence—past or present—is Relena. Lucky her that she stalked you Heero, otherwise she'd probably be dead in the ruins of the Sanc Mansion.'

'It's been destroyed?' Heero asked. We hadn't quite gotten within view of him, so we couldn't see what he could.

'For the most part, but that doesn't look like damage from a Mercurius or a Vayeate.'

"Then what-?"

'Oh…fuck. I need backup now!'

'Zechs? What's wrong?' Wufei managed to speak the words first.

For a minute we heard nothing except small bouts of static. After a second or so he spoke again. This worried me. I knew that static sound. That's the sound of a Gundam taking damage.

'Sons of bitches rebuilt my Epyon!'

Talk about bad fucking news. Tallgeese wouldn't last five minutes against Epyon, no matter how skilled the pilot on either side. With Tallgeese incomplete it wouldn't matter.

Here's yet another example of when the word **_fuck_** is well placed.

**To be continued…**


	20. 20 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**   
_Chapter Twenty _

Heero

Zechs and I are not very close. Let's be honest. We were enemies when we first met and we would always be rivals in something, because that's the way we were. We were frighteningly similar, yet unwilling to admit to it. The way he got along with Duo occasionally, did bother me. I'm not one to get retardedly jealous if I have nothing to worry about it; but I'll admit it annoyed me and the fact that it annoyed me, annoyed me even more. By all means I shouldn't care. I never did before.

The static breaking through the lines concerned me. I knew the sound of a Gundam taking damage over a transmitter. I'd heard it more than most. We were a little less than ten minutes away from Zechs, which I didn't like at all. If he was taking damage of considerable amounts then we may not have been able to get to him in time. Now, I may not like Zechs much but I certainly don't wish him to die in such a shitty way. Besides, I had years ahead of me to watch him get mauled by Treize. I wasn't about to let that entertainment be cut short.

"Let's fan out. If we go in at all sides we should be able to pull him out of there."

'Look at you taking charge Duo.' Trowa commented, but proceeded with what I had suggested. We all knew it was the best thing to do at the moment. I bit my lip when I realized that I was still acting as Duo and Trowa didn't know. But it was not my fault Duo was taking too long to react to the situation at hand.

'Duo, take left. I'll take right. Trowa, Wufei, follow us after we've gotten out ahead.' The make shift 'Heero' piped in. I think he was on the verge of reading my mind because I was seconds from letting off that command myself. When did I become so predictable in his eyes? And since when did I like that fact?

'Roger that 01.' Trowa replied and Wufei gave his soundless 'hn' of affirmation. I switched my communication down to a private line and tagged Duo into the same. I know he hated it when I hacked his system without giving him the option or maybe he didn't care and just liked to pretend it bewildered him. One way or another, he had a sort of agitation to him when I did that.

'Heero, for once I can say this and not feel like a hypocrite; but you almost blew our cover man! What the hell!?'

"Sorry, I did it without thinking. And don't get that face at me."

'How do you know I'm making a face! You don't even have visual connection with me!'

"I know you. And quit that pouting shit. I hate it when you stick that lower lip out like that. And it's even worse on my face."

'How do you do that… how do you fucking do that!?'

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I shook my head. "Hey, Zechs is in serious trouble. Be careful. Do not let Zero fuck you over."

'You're started to sound more and more like me every day.'

"It scares me shitless." I responded in a tone that only proved the fact that I was slowly, but surely, morphing into him. _For fuck's sake, where does he end and I begin!? Why don't I seem to care about it anymore? _He was really getting to me. And it made my stomach lurch when I say I didn't mind it.

'I think I can handle Zero, how about you? That new system working well enough?'

"We'll see Duo, we'll see. I just hope Zechs isn't dead by the time we finally get there."

Static fizzed across my screen and Wufei broke the line. Damn, he's learning my hacking skills. I may have to up my game. He doesn't want to test my supreme knowledge of binary. I'm fluent. Ask Duo. He'll tell you.

'I can't pick up on Zechs anymore. I think his communication is blown.' He alerted us. Looking at the monitor I could make out the distant form of Tallgeese III and this new Epyon he was talking about. I could see how bad he was taking damage now.

"I'll see what I can do to hack to his back up communication." I responded, slowing my Gundam a bit and giving the others a chance to get ahead of me so we could efficiently surround the enemy. I had the advantage of an advanced cloaking device, so I could be obvious without being obvious. I had to pick and choose which buttons to press carefully, because I wasn't used to this model; but after test driving most of the functions, I figured out what did which activity and it wasn't three minutes more before I was on a very feeble and shaky communication line with Zechs.

"Zechs, can you hear me?"

'Augh, if you're God: I hate you, you bastard.' He replied, coughing.

"While I do like to consider myself God, I usually go by Heero."

'Oh, well I suppose that's a step up. Auugh, son of a bitch!' Loud screeching sounds caused a temporary blaring in my sound receptor. 'One more hit and the latch is going to cave in on me.'

"Hold on Zechs, Duo and Wufei are on the other side of you now. If you can get out of that thing when they go out of stealth then you need to."

'I would if the door wasn't jammed in. I'd rather not have to resort to breaking open the safety latch.'

"Why? You need to get out of there!"

'If I break open the safety latch the Gundam will detonate!'

Okay, this posed a problem. With everyone so close to it, a detonation would prove to be a danger rather than help. I understood the need to put such a device in. After all, if one should ever get caught by an enemy there needed to be a way to get rid of the machine to prevent them from using it. I'd tried to prevent such a thing from happening before by detonating the Gundam myself, but for once I was wishing that the Gundam makers weren't so smart.

'We're going out of stealth Heero. Get ready. This is gonna be hell.' Wufei cut in again and I prepared myself. The enemy was unaware of us so far. It just went to show how well built the cloaking was. Unfortunately once we attacked, we had no upper hand.

"Go for the Epyon rip-off first! Relay that to Trowa!"

'I read you captain.'

"Zechs, hold still and keep your cockpit covered." I broke the connection and opened all central lines.

'Okay everyone, on the count of three.' I heard my voice as played by Duo. I was proud of him actually. He was taking a leading role from his side and he was usually so used to 'going with the flow'. I'm almost starting to believe that switching bodies did us more good than harm. But I wasn't planning to follow them. I was going to do what Duo would have done. I was going after Zechs while they were dancing with the wanna-be Epyon.

'Three!'

The three of them uncloaked and were immediately noticed. I stayed in the shadows and crept toward Tallgeese III. I worked on reconnecting the communications line with Zechs. Of course that was assuming he was still alive; but crazy as it is, I had some faith in him to keep alive. A man like that is too hard to kill anyway.

"Zechs? You still in there?"

'Barely,' he responded. 'This is my punishment for not having my guard up.'

"It has nothing to do with having your guard down. It was the error in your suit."

'You give me too much credit, Heero.'

"It's my way of making up for hating your guts for the last twenty four hours." I saw sparks fly off to my left and I had to step dangerously close to Tallgeese in order to avoid being planted with flying shrapnel. No matter how great my cloaking device, it would be noticed if a large piece of debris suddenly stopped 'mid-air' as if it ran into a force field.

I had to stop and think about what to do next. The only thing I could think of was yanking open the cockpit, but I knew that would leave him wide open and I'm just not heartless enough to leave him the battle field's biggest target. Not to mention that would leave us one pilot down and casualties were just not going to happen on that particular day. I wasn't feeling like letting death win again. It already had one up on me with that girl and her puppy. Zechs was not going to be added to my damn guilty conscience. I had no choice but to cut the line again in order to contact Duo. I needed his help.

"Duo, I need you to do something that I don't think Zechs would approve of."

'What's that Heero?' He replied, his transmission crackling as he took a light hit.

"Find a way to contact Treize."

'Are you crazy? Zechs will have your head!'

"He's going to die if we don't. Treize can call off these revolutionaries. After all, we were told that they were leftover Trieze followers right?" I breathed out as another large chunk of metal dropped to the ground not far from me. They were fighting too close to us. I would be noticed soon.

'But what if they don't?'

"Are you willing to risk getting Treize's obsession killed? We would never hear the end of it. Not to mention, I'm growing fond of him. But don't tell anyone I said that." Okay, I admit, I was sort of getting to like him more. He was still my enemy, but at least he was fun to make cracks with.

'Okay Heero, I'll do it. Keep him alive! And yourself too! If you die then this was all for not!'

"Gotcha, Quatre." I snorted.

'That was mean, Heero…I'm allowed to worry too!'

"Just get to calling Treize! We're wasting time!" I replied, not giving him the chance to add anything further. I switched back over to Zechs.

'You really must stop doing that. Every time you hack this system it screeches at me. Loudly.'

"We're getting help."

'Getting help? What's that supposed to mea-" Suddenly I couldn't hear the rest.

"Zechs? … Zechs? … Zechs!"

'…'m…ere…'

"You're coming in very shaky Zechs. Keep talking. I need to hear you." Several moments of silence loomed and I finally saw that Tallgeese was crumbling forward; it's leg gone and blown off it. "Shit!"

I didn't bother to hide my presence anymore. Zechs would die if I didn't catch that stupid machine. Can you imagine me hating Gundams? Well, I sure did at that moment. My cloaking device wouldn't matter once I steadied the mangled Gundam. So I did what any Gundam Pilot would do. I dropped the shield. There's no point in hiding from your enemy when you're obvious. Even pilots have a little pride to keep up and cowering was not part of it.

"Zechs, talk to me."

'I'm here. Got a lovely new hole in my head, but I'm peachy otherwise.'

"You better no be serious about the 'hole' part."

'Only partially.'

"I won't ask. Just so you know, this is about to get dangerously ugly. They can see me now." I paused. "Zechs…let me ask you something. How crazy of a son of a bitch are you?"

'Crazy enough, I like to think.'

"Are you crazy enough to go Gundam Hopping?"

'Depends, do I get a prize for a good performance?'

"I'll take that as a yes. We're both dead if I don't get you out of there, because I'm not going to leave you behind. Between Treize and Duo, I'll never live down leaving you to die."

'It touches my heart, Heero.'

"I'm going to rip the front off your Gundam and you're going to jump out and I'm going to figure out a way to cram you into my cockpit."

'…Do you have any idea…any at all, just how wrong that sounded?'

"Very cute, pervert... Are you game Zechs?"

'I'm game, baby.'

For a second I had to wonder if I could do it without crushing or maiming him in some way. My mind was still nestled on what would happen if he did manage to die. Yeah, I was bothered by the idea of Treize pining his death on me; but I was also concerned for how Duo would take it. I wasn't stupid by any means. I knew the two were friends. It made me wonder a little bit. I'll admit that too. But I'd learned to trust them both just a little more.

I looked around at my visual screens and I noticed the sudden attention we were getting. Fuck. We were a primary target. I had to get him moved immediately. I stopped thinking and pushed the switches forward. The only possible way to get the accuracy was manually. Meaning that I would have to use every switch for the left arm, which we don't normally use unless we have too. When the line cut and Zechs was no longer in communication, I started to feel a little pressure. 'Please don't be dead you asshole.'

The front ripped off of Tallgeese and I switched to the next panel to emergency release my cockpit door. If he didn't come out and 'hop' over quickly, I was as good as dead. With the cockpit open, I was more than a sitting target. I was an easy kill.

"My life is in your hands right now Zechs…" I whispered to myself, praying silently that he would make the transaction quickly.

And leave it up to Zechs; he didn't let me down.

He moved fast and I closed the latch down quicker than I could ever remember doing. It was that moment that I realized just how big a man Zechs was. Not size wise, because he's built more like a muscled stick than anything else, but I mean height. I was afraid at first that this would make it difficult to pilot, but I managed to get him seated on the floor base in front of me. The foot pedals were just far enough apart to allow for it.

"You okay?" I finally asked.

"Never been better."

I couldn't help but notice the blood splatter in his hair and on the side of his face. He looked like he'd gotten the shit beaten out of him, so naturally it made sense that he was a little out of it. He rested his head against my left knee and for once I didn't mind. He wasn't in my way and this ensured me that I wouldn't have to worry about him dying on me. I dissembled the communication line with Tallgeese and opened it up for everyone else. Now there was nothing holding us back. Except that damned Epyon.

"I got Zechs, everyone! Open fire and take these sons of bitches down!"

'Well said Duo.' The real Duo replied, restraining the glee in his voice.

'All right. We need to take down that Epyon.'

"The Epyon's weak point it's right arm…Treize warned me about it a long time ago. There's so much weight on it that it's the weaker side." Zechs spoke up, sounding much less together than before.

"Hear that everyone? Zechs says go for the right arm!"

'Roger that 02!'

I sped back and away from the Tallgeese just as it got another limb blown off it and it crashed to the ground. "Zechs, talk to me. You're not sounding like you're holding up very well." I had felt much better when he was talking; but even when I finally had him somewhat safe, the silence still bothered me.

"I miss Treize…"

If I weren't so well trained, I would have probably stopped all movement in order to gape at his words. I couldn't afford to let my shock show and I retaliated by slashing down two more Leo suits with the large scythe. "You what?" I finally replied.

"I do…I miss Treize…and I feel very stupid."

"Why do you feel stupid, Zechs? Missing someone isn't a horrible thing." I replied more naturally than I thought I should have. I knew what it was to miss someone. I could think of many times where I'd wished to have a certain few people's presence around me. Many times when I missed hearing their obnoxious bickering and countless times where I would have been happy to see that stupid smile on Duo's face.

"That's not the reason I feel so stupid, Heero. I feel stupid because I love him and I never bothered to try and admit that the feeling is still there, because I'm too proud. It took nearly getting killed…for me to finally see this. In that moment that I was knocked senseless, I wanted him so much. I am a fool."

It all made a little more sense to me once those words were vocalized…and it was that instant I realized what my problem had been. I'd been feeling stupid for the very same reason. It made me understand that he and I were more alike than either of us gave each other credit for.

…It suddenly made…. sense.

**To be continued…**


	21. 21 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**_  
Chapter Twenty-One_

Duo

"How is he, Heero?" I managed to get a strong connection, even while I double-teamed Epyon wanna-be with Wufei.

'He's trying to stay awake. I'm doing what I can to keep him from slipping out on me. Did you get a hold of Treize?'

"Still trying to. I've got the satellite connection online. Now I just gotta get the bastard to respond." I sighed. I hadn't anticipated Treize not being reachable; but if I knew Treize's line of thinking, he was already half way on his way to Zechs anyway. Especially since the scenario was probably being broadcasted over to the Winner Estate where he, Treize and Relena were.

'Damn it, you need to get him in contact.'

'Treize?' Zechs's voice seemed to waiver. He was probably not thrilled with the concept that we were getting Treize in on this. For whatever reason, he'd been trying to give this impression that he wasn't infatuated with Treize, like Treize was infatuated with him. It was rather silly, because it was so obvious. Just like…Heero and I…Holy shi-

"Zechs, don't be mad; but we think Treize can stop them, so we can get you some help." I replied interrupting my own thoughts.

'You're acting like I've been impaled, torched or shot at.' He sounded indignant.

"Are you bleeding?"

'…A little?…'

"A little, he says," I rolled my eyes for my own benefit. "When you say a little, you basically mean you're half incapacitated!"

'Oh yeah…erm…your mom.'

I snorted unnecessarily loud. His wobbly voice and context of his words were too much. Unfortunately, I knew from experience that he was only stupidly loopy when he was hurt. Yet at the same time, he's such a stubborn ass and tries to convince everyone that he's fine. This random and unprovoked attack was bound to happen sooner or later; but this one time we weren't prepared, they decide to do it! Go figure!

'I got a direct hit on pseudo-Epyon!' Trowa transmitted and we called to attention. All of the close range enemies were down and Epyon was going up against Wufei and Trowa.

"Hey? Do we have any idea who's piloting that thing?"

'Not a clue. I can't hack their system, so it must be someone who knows our habits.' Wufei replied.

'Or maybe your hacking skills aren't good enough.' Heero chided. 'Let me try.'

"All right, but don't get distracted. I'll try on my line and maybe we can double team them." I responded, trying to catch the quick error Heero made. He'd forgotten that Trowa was able to hear us and Trowa knows that I'm not the master hacker, but I had learned a great deal from Heero. I was still not an elite when it came to binary though…Even now…I'll leave that mess to him.

I backtracked my steps to get out of reach of the suits that were suddenly coming at me. Luckily, they were easy prey and the Gundam wasn't any where near me. If Epyon caught me alone, I was good as dead. I couldn't fight properly because that thing wasn't tailored to suit me. I struck at the next one. Flashes lit up the screen as I tore the armor off the stupid thing. Vayeate's are hard to take down unless you can get to their mechanical 'organs', so to speak. I winced when the static on my transmission line turned into a shriek. It stopped and I realized that my call was being returned. I opened the line freely.

'Heero?' It was Treize.

"Yes."

'What's happening?' There was noise in the background.

"We're being attacked. Your Epyon has been rebuilt."

'Delightful. Is Milliardo all right?'

"Yes. I'm to assume you already know what happened?"

'I was watching, yes.' He replied and I heard more noise.

"…Treize, just where are you?"

'Much closer than you think.'

I stopped to ponder a moment and I smiled. I knew it. "You followed us from the moment we left, didn't you?"

'Don't ask me to deny it, Duo, and I won't have to lie.' There was certain mirth in the man's voice. He was always so charismatic like that. It was—at times—likable, but sometimes it was so very frustrating.

"You're crafty Treize." I snorted in a Heero kinda way, "Zechs isn't doing too good right now. I hope you have a plan to finish this, so he doesn't die on us."

'I do. Oh and Duo? I would like to know who the pilot of the Epyon is.'

"I'll see about-…" I stopped dead in my tracks and I could feel the blood draining from my face. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and a rather painful ton no less. "You just called me Duo…"

'Twice actually.'

"How did-"

'Heero, for one, would never compliment me; and secondly, he would never acknowledge Epyon as being 'mine'. As far as he cares, Epyon belonged to Milliardo and none other. Always had and forever will. Oh, and not to mention, I heard Chang refer to one of you by the wrong name when I first tapped your line. I was left to assumptions.'

_Damn it Wufei_, I cursed to myself. If this kept up the whole damn United Earth Sphere would know about it! How the hell can these people so easily adjust to a phenomenon as utterly unbelievable as this?! "Okay…since that's out in the open…"

'I won't tell, if you're worried I might. I'm sure, if I managed to figure it out, then Milliardo knows already and I wish to do nothing that he wouldn't want me to do.'

"I have to give you loyalty points, if that's the case. So what's the deal Treize? My secret is blown, so I want answers. Where the hell are you? We're getting our asses toasted." I grunted as the whole suit shook from the impact of the close range Epyon. It'd found me and decided I was the best target. Of course I was. I was Heero!

'Find out who the pilot is! I need to know.'

"Hold on, I'll open transmit to Heero. He's got to have something by now!" I worked to open yet another line. These damn private lines and public lines were feeling like phone calls more and more. I tell you what; the first thing I was planning to do when we got back, was figuring out a better communication system. All this software hacking was taking way too much time and effort. I exhaled when the line cleared open. "Heero?"

'Here.'

"I've got Treize on the line now."

'Okay, what'd he say?'

'Do you know the pilot, Heero?' Treize interrupted. Oh God…This wasn't going to urn out well.

'Treize? How the hell…you just called me…**_Duo! You told him_**?!" He practically bellowed at me.

"I swear I didn't! He figured me out!"

'Don't be angry with him. He didn't say a word to me.'

"Hold on," I grunted trying to back away from Epyon, but it was hot on my trail. "Fucking bitch, I can't get away from him!"

'Hold on Duo! I'm on my way to you now!'

"Heero, stop! There are two Mercurius's behind you!"

'Son of a bitch!' I winced at the loud shrieking in the transmission. That time it wasn't I who had taken a blow. It was Heero.

"Heero? Heero? You in there?"

'More or less.' He coughed. 'Fucking hell, my legs hurt.'

'Your language has been refined Heero." Treize chided.

'Go to hell, Treize! Just where the fuck are you?' Heero growled. I wanted to know as much as he did. I wasn't picking up on Treize at all… but then I realized…

'I'll drop the cloaking device.' A moment later, shimmering into view, came a bright and shiny Sandrock. Quatre's own darling. I had to give Zechs and I some credit there. The cloaking devices we'd installed in all of the Gundams were top notch!

'You asshole! You've been here the whole time!?'

'More or less. It was borrowed to me, one could say.'

'Treize?' a faint voice halted Heero's next attempt to shriek at the man.

'Milliardo? Pardon the French; but you sound like figurative shit, chéri.'

'Oh thank you so much, my knight in a large fucking piece of metal.' I could almost imagine a more energized Zechs being really indignant with that one; but he really did sound bad. It was getting harder and harder to hear him.

'Hang in there, if I can figure out who this Epyon pilot is then I can get you and 'Duo' out of there.'

"Are you so sure about that, Treize?" I asked. I was wondering what was making him so confident.

'Yes. I've already got a suspicion as to whom it is. I just need it confirmed if I'm going to expose my identity.'

'You're actually going to risk the exposure?' Heero sounded baffled. To be honest, I was too. That was a dangerous move for a man like him to make. Hell, it was dangerous enough when Zechs announced to the public that he wasn't dead. Of course, he only did that to protect Relena; which I find so very ironic.

'Yes. There are certain people that are worth more than my secrecy, Heero.' The aristocrat replied with even tone.

Heero paused. He was taken aback by the man's statement. I know for a fact, because I was just as taken aback. '…Zechs did you just mewl? Oh fucking Christ, Zechs just mewled.' He finally muttered, breaking the silence.

'I did not.'

'Your head is on my leg. I know you just mewled!'

"Why is his head on your leg?" I wondered aloud and sudden relief—from Trowa and Wufei protecting my sorry ass—washed over me.

'Hey, you try managing a large European blonde in your cockpit!'

'That sounded so wrong.'

'**_Zechs_**! You're feeling ill, remember?!'

"He makes a good point though, Heero." I snorted. "Hey, you guys need to watch out. That damned purple collection of bolts just got very damn close to you!" I wasn't liking how easily Epyon had figured out Trowa and Wufei's battle patterns. It was getting by the two so easily now. The games were finally over.

'I'm out of ammo.' Trowa's stoic voice declared.

'How much longer can you hold, soldier?'

'…Treize?'

'Answer! Quickly!'

'With Wufei, maybe a few minutes at most!'

'That will be plenty of time! Everyone, open all communications!' Treize commanded and I'll be damned if we didn't all comply. As much as we all hated to admit, the man was more experienced and he was really the only person who could save us at that time. 'Duo,' He started, being sure to address us by names to match the faces, 'you have the skills to find out who the pilot of this Epyon is, yes?'

'I do.'

'Then do it. I also need you to secure a solid line of communication to the pilot, as well. To my consideration, you are holding precious cargo. Stay back and I guarantee that I will cover you.'

"I'll move to Epyon's other side. I'm targeting for the right arm. Wufei , Trowa, cover the obvious side. I need you guys to distract this thing. It'll go after Treize and Duo, but it'll also be looking out for me. So basically do what you can to keep it from moving until we can hack into it's mainframe!" A serenade of, 'roger that 01' followed.

I waited until I was close enough to Treize to turn on a more personal line. There was something I needed to ask. He responded without forcing me to have to play the hacking game again.

'You called?'

"Funny. Treize, why is that thing so powerful? It was never that powerful before! Yes, our Gundams are incomplete right now; but still they're more powerful than they were when Zechs piloted the first Epyon!"

'Heero asked the same question to me personally, just before you… The design is different and it's complete.'

"Complete?" I couldn't imagine how that Gundam could be complete and so upgraded when we'd been working on our new ones for damn near a year. Unless… "You don't…you don't think it's possible that it's been in the making since the end of the war do you? If that's the case then they had a year's head start on us!"

'I can't really say. I was out of commission for that year before Barton tried to coerce my daughter into taking over as ruler.' He replied. Well, at least he was being honest. But more than anything he just gave me a direct answer. He said he didn't know. He didn't say it wasn't possible. And on a totally separate note, I would have to ask him about his daughter. There were a few things bothering me. So I proceeded to mark that down in my mental notebook next to 'pester him about his thing with Zechs'. I finally moved on to butt heads with the big bad machine of Satan.

At least…I think it looks demonic.

Whoever was piloting it knew our battle patterns to a T, because they changed places and shattered our formation; but they weren't anticipating on Heero being me and me being Heero—as confusing as that makes it. It was more than likely that our switch would actually…come in handy. Who would have thought?

Zero was behaving just like it should, but the controls were a little unfamiliar to me still. At least the back panel was, anyway. I still couldn't figure out the Beam Saber and a new shiny cannon on the arm, was a mystery to me. Zechs had been in charge of Heero's Gundam, not me. I'd been busy trying to persuade Altron Gundam to work properly. Though, I was proud that Altron was performing better than expected. Of course, I'm sure that had a lot to do with Wufei. He could drive a box with wheels and make it look like it's running better than a limousine!

"Wufei." I spoke into the open communication line.

'I read you 01.' Thank god he had the sense of cover himself! I would have probably messed up in his place and referred to me by name, but he was stealthy about it and addressed me by number.

"What are the odds that you could hold Epyon down long enough for me to get into close range? The controls are stalling for my weapons," I lied. "So I can only do combat damage."

'Trowa and I are too far away. If you distract them long enough for us to distract it, then maybe.'

"Or perhaps I could hold it's attention and you and Trowa could attack it from both sides?"

'I have no weapons now, but I think I could physically attack it. I may damage my Gundam though.' Trowa added. Yes, we were discussing our plans in the open, where we'd left it so the Epyon pilot could hear. This is a tactical device that many are too stupid to figure out how to use. The pilot was surely thinking that we were not really planning to do that; but instead, using code words. In all actuality, we were giving away our plan of attack. It was actually very clever. Heero taught me that.

'Perhaps, I could be of some assistance? I won't leave Pilot 02 open but I can provide a barrier of escape.'

"I see what you mean." I paused trying to contemplate a way to do this without destroying anyone's Gundam. Usually it was Heero who had a plan of attack. Heero was the one who could think up perfect strategies in moments. He always did what I was being forced to do at that moment. Talk about pressure.

'01?'

"Circle and close in." I replied. The thrusters were working better than I had anticipated and I closed up the space much faster than expected. The others followed suit, except for Treize. Epyon moved backwards, spun around by the sudden movement. We moved in again and he backed up. This must have panicked the pilot because he tried to lash out at us; but we all moved back, like a pulsating circle. We expanded again and Epyon moved back, only then realizing that Treize wasn't but a handful of yards away.

'He's closed in. Should we attack?'

"Actually, I don't think so. Maybe we can hold him here until we can open the cockpit. If we destroy this thing we may kill the pilot in the process."

'So we just keep him surrounded?'

"For now." I was about to open a line to Heero when my whole suit shook violently, echoing a loud scraping sound through out the whole cockpit.

'Son of a bitch! We forgot about the Mercurius's!'

It was true. I had forgotten. But those suits, which in the past might have been tough to beat, were no longer a match for our improved and completely rebuilt machines. As long as we could stay in a circle we could keep them at bay as well as keep the Epyon stationed.

'I got it! I got it! I know who the pilot is!' Erupted Heero from the communication board.

'Pilot, private link to me.' Treize commanded. I knew there were good reasons for that. That would make it easier to plan out how to approach the situation. But the suspense of not knowing who it was was going to kill me! A transmission broke through to me and I opened my communication line.

'Treize is going to confront the Epyon.' Heero said. This time I could see visuals.

"You're not going to tell me yet, are you?"

'This will be worth the surprise. Trust me.'

"You're a devil Heero."

'Then I guess I'm worthy of your body, after all.' He smirked in a very me-like fashion. 'You did good out there Duo. Circling Epyon was smart.'

"I learned it from the best!"

'Oh for god's sake you two, just get to the sappy 'I love you's and get it over with.' Zechs whined in the background.

'Oh shut it, 'Milliardo'.' Heero taunted.

I was about to respond with something witty myself; but we got the all-call bug from Sandrock, which basically opens up all the lines for communication in all the Gundams Zechs and I built. "All Gundams stand by." He said nothing more. I watched in my visual as Sandrock approached Epyon slowly, so as not to evoke an attack. Then I saw the cockpit chamber open and the shaft drop down and in my mind I was thinking 'Oh my god, this man is insane!'. When the door dropped down completely, he stepped out in all his lavish glory. In his hand I could see the portable communication control, which would act like a powerful microphone that the enemy would be able to hear.

"Pilot of Epyon, this is Treize Kushrenada. I respectfully ask you to back down."

Epyon settled back and through the actions of the Gundam you could see that the pilot was freaked out. Hell, I would have been too, if I saw a proclaimed dead man come out of the enemy's Gundam. The Epyon actually powered down, which was the more shocking thing! The cockpit door began to fall down and out emerged a very familiar and rather unexpected face.

Of all people it was….

Holy shit.

**To be continued…**


	22. 22 Heero

**Happy Heero Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Twenty-two_

Heero

I was surprised when I finally cracked the system. There were a number of people I was expecting, but this was not one of the ones I'd originally thought. Of course, having figured out who it was I realized how much it did actually make some sense. Still, having to tell Treize was more than a challenge. How do you word something like that? But I told him nonetheless and I spoke briefly to baka before Treize actually did something that was downright crazy, which was exposing himself to the whole damn watching world.

The pilot of the Epyon fake opened the hatch and stepped out. Pulling off the helmet, a waterfall of blonde hair fell around the person. 'So it was true…' I thought to myself.

'Lord Treize? Is that really you?' The pilot called out to Treize.

Treize spread his arms out wide to show that he was not carrying a weapon of any kind or hiding anything. He always struck me as the type to show courtesy in a fight where courtesy did not necessarily belong. But regardless, if the pilot had any sort of lingering loyalty, Treize had nothing to worry about as far as being harmed by the opposition.

'Why yes, it is I. I implore you, do tell me what this business is all about. In such times of peace, actions against figures such as Miss Relena are simply reproachable.' Ever the diplomat with words, Treize is.

'War is necessary Lord Treize.'

'You do not believe that one bit.'

'Oh but I do! It's a need all humans much quench! Don't you see, without war what do we struggle for! For what would we fight? Fighting is the very beauty of human nature!'

'Dorothy Catalonia, have you no sense in that head of yours?'

Yes. It was Dorothy. In some aspects, this surprised me. After the incident with Libra Dorothy had seemed very reluctant to take part in anything that involved the war. Granted I wasn't around her as much as Relena, Zechs, and Quatre; so I really couldn't judge her complete state of being off what I saw that long while ago. When they said that men were foolish and bloodthirsty creatures, I think they meant women too.

"What…what do you mean Lord Treize?" She stuttered. When Treize is telling you you're being a dumb ass—in his nice calm words of course—then chances are you're doing something very stupid to prove that you are, in fact, being a dumb ass. My god, baka's speak patterns have affected me.

'Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?'

"You bet your sweet ass you are. Trust me, I almost threw up my heart when I discovered it myself."

"And it was damn entertaining to watch," Zechs mumbled.

'Dorothy, call off your attack; if you have any honor left in you.' Trieze continued. I have to admit, he was a brave bastard. Many people would have taken that opportunity to shoot him down right there while he was vulnerable.

'Power down your Gundams and I will do the same.' She offered an option; but even so, I don't think I would have taken it. I didn't trust her. Granted I'm not a friend of hers like Trieze once was. I don't know the details on their relationship. Cousins or something I'm sure.

'Very well,' he climbed back into his Gundam and opened communications to the rest of us, who were baffled as to what we should do. It would make sense to go with his plan; but at the same time, that threat still lingered and if nothing else we're a paranoid bunch. 'Pilots, if you'll please power down and descend to the ground, it would be appreciated.'

'All right, but if we get ambushed and killed, I'm haunting you forever,' Wufei commented.

'I'll agree to those terms.' Trieze laughed.

"All right, I'm going to need some help. I can get Zechs out, but getting him to the ground's gonna be some trouble," I mentioned before everyone else decided to power off and hop out.

'Step out and I'll lower you guys.' Wufei offered. I'm glad he's quick to understand how to help, because explaining things is not my forte.

"As long as you don't crunch us in that large jittery hand of yours, I'm for it."

'Just because my pimp hand is stronger, doesn't mean you need to get all jealous.'

'Oh dear God! You didn't just say what I think you did!" Duo laughed on the other end and I groaned, granted it was kinda funny…but enticing Duo to misbehave by going into hysterical laughter was a bad idea.

"All right, all right, children. Come on Zechs, I know you're tough enough to at least sit up." I taunted in an attempt to make him more motivated to move. He tried, didn't get very far; but damn it all, the man sure did try. I climbed over him and stepped out on the latch. My Gundam was powered down the moment Trieze had suggested it, so the only thing I had to do was get the blonde out. Between our efforts, more mine than his, we managed to free him and get him out into the open.

"Dear god, I've never appreciated fresh air so much." He breathed.

I looked down at his leg, which had caught my attention because of the interesting patterns of coloration on the bare knee. He was missing the left pant leg up to that point. That was probably from nearly getting crunched. If nothing else, he was resilient.

"Hang in there, Blondie."

"The only thing that'll kill me now is your horrible nursing skills." He coughed.

"Oh give me a break! How do you expect me to be gentle with you when there aren't even supposed to be two people in one Gundam!"

'Alright guys, I'm taking you down, so climb on.' Wufei called over the outer speaker of his Gundam. This time Zechs was actually able to stand, which surprised me considering he looked like he'd been tossed off a building into a rock pit. He was still slow, but it was sure as hell easier than hauling a man who weighed what I weighed plus half of that! He dropped down again once we managed to make it to Wufei's giant Gundam hand. He was panting a little bit.

"Be careful with us, Wufei. Don't go getting all Fist of Justice on us."

'Just for that, I'll be sure to drop you on your ass before you get to the ground.'

"Oh you wouldn't do it because I have Zechs with me and you're flustered by Trieze because he didn't die."

'You wait until I get you alone.'

"That sounds like a threat of sexual harassment, if you ask me." Zechs mumbled against my knee. I kneeled next to him to keep myself from falling as we descended, thanks to Wufei. Luckily he decided to not punish us for my taunting. I was too tired to pull out my death threats. Besides, I saved those for baka only. He's the only one who doesn't seem to care that I religiously point a loaded gun in his face, with the safety off no less. Damn, I guess he really did trust me.

The ground felt so good once we were on it. Wufei hopped out with his Gundam perched in a kneeled position. With his help, Zechs was on his feet once more. Wufei honestly seemed concerned, but not in an obvious way. To a person who didn't know the habits and attitudes of the Chinese pilot, it wouldn't have been noticeable; but to me it was.

"Now what?" I whispered. "I swear to God if we get attacked…"

"I don't think we will." Zechs coughed between us. I'm sure by now the blood loss was impressive. Looking up at the damage on his Gundam, it was obvious that we underestimated the fire he was under. "Dorothy won't attack Treize. Me, yes, but not Treize."

"Why would she attack you, but not him?"

"Naturally," He paused, "because she thinks I'm the reason he supposedly died. But now that he's out in the open, what reason would she have to start up more chaos? If it's not what Treize wants then no one wants it."

"Except for you, apparently."

"I had a point to make."

"And boy did you make it." Wufei added as a closing.

Wing Zero's cockpit opened with a compressed air sound and I saw my puppet of a body coming down on the extension cord. He was closer to Treize and Dorothy, so naturally he had no choice but to go to them. He was playing the 'leader' so he had to be the first one to join in on whatever conversation was taking place between the two opposite sides of whatever this little scuffle slash massacre had been.

Trowa appeared next to us. It was weird seeing him in shorts, but it could only be assumed that he was having a quiet day with Quatre when we were called out to save the universe again. I am so tired of being a hero. And goddamn the pun on my name with that word. What kinda sorry bastard named their child 'Heero', so that in the future some poor revolutionary would have to take his name as part of the movement? Just my luck. I guess Duo's not so lucky either. Considering his name can be used as a word. But I think the unluckiest bastard of all is Zechs. When your name sounds remarkably close to the word 'sex', you're likely to get picked on. But I'm sure all of his pilot school bullies got the crap kicked out of them later on.

"Should we hobble over there?" Wufei asked.

"Unless you think you're man enough to throw me over your should and actually carry me. And if you can do that, then by all means; not only will I be impressed but I'll never say another word about your crazy notions about justice. But since I'm almost a foot taller than you, I don't foresee that happening."

"You're supposed to be hurt, you know. Smart ass." The Chinese man grumbled, but didn't none of us could singly carry Zech and not fall or hurt him or something stupid. Treize could, I was sure. But where's Treize when you need him? A football's field away!

So as a result, we hobbled with him. Taking him one foot at a time. Trowa walked behind us just in case we all toppled over, which was actually very likely to happen. I was surprised, however, that Treize took notice of us. I had figured he was going to play it cool and act like we were nothing more than comrades or people he only knew through association, the latter was more likely, but he actually excused himself from Dorothy (remember I can read lips). He left Duo—or rather 'Heero'—with Dorothy and came toward us, actually breaking a stride; something I'd never seen the man do.

"Treize is running." Wufei commented with quiet mirth, "Damn he must _really_ have the hots for Zechs."

"No kidding," I shook my head amusedly.

The blonde resisted elbowing both of us. I could tell that he only did this because we would both let go and there was only one direction he was going if we were to be cruel bastards and let him walk on his own. That direction was straight down. He was getting heavier the more I thought about it. I realized that this was because he was slowly losing the ability to hold himself upright at all.

"Hey, Zechs?"

"I'm here." He murmured with his head handing down.

"Treize is coming toward you." I whispered and I'll be damned if he didn't look up.

The aristocrat stopped before Zechs. He inhaled a short breath and smirked, "Chéri, you look even more like non-literal shit than you sounded!"

Zechs slumped his head again and chuckled a weak: "My knight in shining fucking armor."

"Very classy, Zechs." Wufei snickered.

"Oh fuck you."

I chuckled and released my hold on Zechs when Treize moved to steady the 'the taller than me' blonde. Zechs didn't seem to care that he was leaning against Treize's chest. I think he was out of it, at any rate; but the way he was gripping that man's shirt told me his denial was shattered. Just like my own. I glanced over at the body that was supposed to be mine. After the last two days of constantly having all sorts of insane shit happen it started to feel natural. As weird as that is. It was an experience that lightened me up a little and took away some of that monotonous stereotype that had been affixed to me.

"Dorothy is going to explain a few things in detail. There is still a wing of the mansion not destroyed. We should get some medical attention passed around and start having the Gundams and suits moved out."

"I'll help with moving suits." Trowa volunteered. Trowa was like I was. Not one for small talk and much more equipped to handle physical tasks. I would have said the same, had I not been in so dire of a need to talk to that crazy baka holed up in a body that doesn't suit him. That and I know it's in Duo's personality to not volunteer help unless there was something to be gained and I had to act the part after all.

"I'll help Trowa. Heero and Duo know how to hack communication lines if they need us." The Chinese man smiled and followed Trowa. I followed Treize, who did turn out to be strong enough to carry Zechs and in his arms no less. I don't think I could have thrown him over my shoulder and carried him in Duo's body, let alone the traditional bridal style. And you can trust me I resisted making a smart lipped joke about the bridal style thing. Zechs didn't appear conscious and that's the kinda joke I want to save especially for Zechs to hear, because it would bug the shit out of him and I so do enjoy bothering that man. I may be a monotonous robot, but Zechs is one individual that it brings me absolute joy to harass.

"Let's go," Treize motioned to us and we followed. Duo stepped back and walked next to me. It was no longer weird looking at my own face because it almost seemed that when he was in it, it wasn't mine anymore. He made it different.

"Hey," I smiled.

"Looks like you're doing okay." He mentioned. Why did this feel like an awkward moment?

"Yeah, as good as any. I still can't believe it was Dorothy. Then again I suppose it makes more sense than say, Noin or someone."

"I don't know. If Noin found out about Treize and Zechs, she might try to kill something. Mainly Treize. Since she's got that thing for Zechs." Duo chuckled.

"I can hear you talking back there, you little gossipers." Treize voice made us both pause like a pair of children caught in the act of spray painting the family dog.

"We're just making conversation." I retorted.

"At least he's not awake to hear you talking about him."

"Mmmm….you just think I'm not." A voice mumbled from somewhere around the area of Treize's arms!

"So much for that." Duo muttered.

"I'm going to make my 'you're carrying him bridal style' joke now. Since Zechs can hear me."

"I hope Relena marries you, Heero…" Zech retorted and I could see that his eyes were still closed.

"That's just cruel…" Duo commented with a cringe.

"No…that's just plain out evil!" I shivered.

We approached Dorothy and I had the urge to smack her or something! I mean my legs hurt! And I'm sure we all had headaches. Not to mention this whole thing was pointless. Though seeing Relena's 'house' trashed didn't disappoint me too much. Too bad she wasn't in it. I could hear the sounds of the others moving suits and picking up the large chunks of broken Gundam. What a mess and all for nothing but one little girl's delusions. Man I hate people. Why wasn't Relena in that house? Why God, why?

"Hey, we need to call Quatre." I blurted the instant I thought it.

"I'm sure that can easily be arranged."

Treize sounded so calm, but I still felt like I was on enemy territory. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I don't like that feeling one damn bit. And I could tell that Duo felt the same way. He walked close to me and I can't say I blame him. Gundam pilots only really trust real Gundam pilots and Dorothy was not one of them.

**To be continued…**


	23. 23 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**   
_Chapter Twenty-Three _

Duo

Oh the fucking joys of being a Gundam pilot. Sometimes, or rather more often than not, I hated being a pilot. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing more awesome than blasting shit apart with a giant suit of Gundanium armor; but sometimes I would have liked it if the only thing I ever had to worry about in my life was what my school grades were. And by the way, I didn't go to school. So, I never had to worry about grades.

I was ready to crawl back into the little house the five of us shared and curl up under my blankets and pretend that none of that had happened. Mainly because I don't like Dorothy and also possibly because Tallgeese was destroyed! Which was its own nightmare by itself! We put so many hours into these blasted things…and that bitch had to go and annihilate them! And how the hell is it that Treize so easily stopped her? Damn family ties…I know they're related somehow…I think cousins maybe.

We were inside the building at this point. Treize had gone off to talk to those involved and of course the breaking news teams that were filming live footage like crazy. There was no escaping this torture and Treize knew it. Heero and I stayed with Blondie. He had been treated and wasn't fatally wounded, but he did have minor internal bleeding. He wasn't a happy camper, until they got the painkillers into him—and he wasn't happy about that either. But after… he really didn't give much of a shit, which was great because we were trying to contact Quatre on the phone in his room. Heero managed to get a stable connection to our favorite rich person without the lines being interrupted or tapped. You have no idea how hard it is getting through a phone line in a major estate like that without it being tapped!

The blonde Gundam pilot sounded just peachy when he answered the videophone, 'Hello?'

"Greetings, Quatre." Heero replied. There was a certain amount of sarcastic undertone in that statement, but I kept my giggle in my head. "I assume you know what happened?"

'I watched it…yes…be thankful you're out there…Relena was shrieking Heero's name the whole time.'

"I am thankful. You have no idea in how many ways." He snorted.

'Is that Heero?' A female voice quivered in the background. 'Heero? Heero!?'

"Good lord…" I muttered, wanting to curl up into a ball and hurl Heero's body back at him. "Calm down Relena…I'm right here." I replied as monotonously as possible. I leaned over Heero so she could see me and hopefully stop that infernal screeching.

'Thank goodness you're all right! Oh! I heard my brother was injured? Where is he?' Relena asked, switching thoughts like the floozy I've always believed her to be.

"Tell her I'm dead." Zechs whispered from his lying position next to me, just out of sight of the video screen. I snorted at the very thought of Relena's response to that, but Heero replied before we could actually give her that false news.

"He's fine, Relena. Can we please talk to Quatre?" Heero replied, and I'll be damned if Relena didn't give Heero the most evil look I've ever seen her give. She thought he was me, of course. As a subconscious result I glared at her. She didn't notice it, but I wish she had. It would have been a glorious day that her beloved Heero showed obvious distaste for her. Bitch. I hope God smites you, Relena.

She disappeared and Quatre returned to view, "There's our favorite blonde!" Heero chirped in a very uncharacteristic way for him. I bet it was killing him to belt out stupid lines like that. It almost made me crack a grin.

"Throw me to the wolves why don't you," Zechs mumbled with a pout.

"Oh Zechs, you're our favorite blonde too." Heero snorted.

"There can't be two!"

I leaned close to him, "You know," I smirked evilly, "technically we did throw you to the wolf. I can't think of a better synonym for Sir Treize."

Zech's face turned darker than his platinum blonde hair and he turned over, facing away from my gaze. "I hope you spontaneously combust," he muttered and I laughed outright.

"So, Milliardo," I drawled his name in the most teasing way possible, "how did you feel; all cozy in your sweetheart's arms?"

Even as he leapt up at me in a half hearted and semi-drunk kinda way, I couldn't help but release deep chuckles. I was glad he was, for the most part, incapacitated. He was bigger than I. He could have easily kicked the crap out of me. Naturally his energy gave out before he could strangle me to death. Thank you painkillers.

"Oh Zechs! You're so cute when you struggle." I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around his head, earning me a glare from what should have been my face.

'Heero? Are you trying to kill Zechs?' Quatre's voice echoed through the room. Apparently he could see Zechs now.

'My brother? He's there?!' Relena's voice broke in as well.

"Damn it, look what you did," Zechs whispered, in a jagged tone. He sounded funnier than anything thing else. Imagine loopy Zechs trying to act and sound serious. It's funny. No, it's hysterical! Damn it, I had wished Wufei had been there. I think even he would have chuckled.

'Heero? Why are you hurting my brother?!' Relena's dip shit voice echoed in the room. Zechs just plain out gave up struggling and I was left cradling his head in a friendly sort of headlock. That must have looked so very weird.

"I'm not killing your brother, Relena. We're…bonding." I replied.

"That's the best you can come up with?" Zechs whispered, hidden from Relena's nosy view by my body, or rather Heero's body.

I suddenly had a terrible idea. "Oh Zechs, why do you deny me?" I petted his cheek with such mock tenderness that he growled at me lowly.

'Heero?! What are you…' Oh sweet, sweet Relena. Prepare for round two of absolute mind fuckery.

"What are you doing?" Heero gritted, turning away from the screen. I could barely see Quatre in the background, behind Relena with his eyes widened.

"Saving you from future harassment." I whispered back, talking just low enough only he would hear. I turned back to Zechs, who was looking frightened as if he were being lap danced by a transvestite. Of course…who knows…He might like that. Then again…Treize in a dress is just more disturbing than anything else I can possibly conjure up at this moment. I mentally shook that image from my thoughts and pulled Zechs closer to me on purpose. He made a strange manly squeak sound. It was kinda cute…

Now I didn't actually kiss him because that would be beyond weird. Maybe in my own body I would have, but not in Heero's. Those two were still kinda at odds with each other, but I thought it was a perfect chance to taint her 'perfect' image of the mighty unbreakable demon robot known as Heero Yuy. Thankfully, Zechs has some smarts up in that pretty blonde head of his. I guess he wasn't first in his class for nothing, but he figured out my terribly cruel and fucking awesome ploy. Technically our faces were hidden by his mass of blonde hair and Heero's unruly bangs, so as we listened to Relena shrieking, we were cackling silently to each other. He even added in a 'hand cradling the head' to make it look twice as bad.

'Uh, guys…' Quatre's calm voice finally spoke. 'Relena just ran screaming from the room…What is going on here, why are…?'

I leaned back and bit my knuckle to keep from cackling like an insane man. Oh that'll teach that bitch to stalk _my_ Heero.

"My, my, that's a pretty good question, I say." A voice from the opposite side of the room made me freeze. I took a quick glance at Zech and if it weren't for the awkward circumstance, I'm sure that I would have prodded at him and mocked his expression of: 'damn it…he caught me!'. The blonde turned his head to Treize who looked surprisingly amused. "I thought you said you cared deeply for that sister of yours?" The aristocrat raised an eyebrow and folded his arms.

"Oh I lied, Treize. I lied hard. I mean we're talking harder than the last time I punched you for not letting me know you were still alive for eight whole months." He replied bitterly.

"I see. You're still angry with me." Treize chuckled, closing his eyes.

"Uh, Quatre…we'll call ya back." Heero said clicking the screen off before Quatre could reply.

"Hey, do you guys want a private moment?" I asked, feeling kinda stupid.

"No." Zechs replied. "I don't want to talk to him." He turned his head in my direction and stared angrily at the wall.

"Don't you think it would be wise to talk this out?"

"No Treize, I don't feel like it right now. I agreed to your plan and went on that crazy suicide mission in hopes of making everyone see the futility of war. You went and got killed, and fuck it all if I didn't think living had a point anymore! But I tried to act like you didn't break me like glass. And then you waltz in to a large private ceremony for Relena and announce your presence!"

"I didn't think we were on right terms Milliardo."

"I'm Zechs goddamn it! Oh, we would have been on perfect terms at that moment, until I found out that everyone else there knew you were alive! Everyone but me!" He scowled loudly, glaring down Treize like I'd never seen the man glare. Suddenly I had the feeling we were hearing a lot of something we shouldn't. I slipped back and nudged Heero to move over and we shared the chair he was in. If we could have, I'm sure we'd have both been munching popcorn.

"Was I supposed to assume you would no longer be so mad at me?"

"YOU! You _made_ me mad at you! That stupid war did nothing! People still fight like idiots. We've had to rebuild the Gundams to protect the nation's head quarters, so nothing came of it!" He breathed heavily, probably feeling lightheaded. "But worst of all, you made me think you were dead and did nothing to fix that!" He slid forward, wrapping the blanket about his shoulders. He stood, which I didn't think was a good idea, and he fiddled with his hands in the sheet. He stood eye to eye with Treize and threw something at the man. "Keep it! Find someone else to destroy!"

Heero nudged me when Zechs left the room in a flurry of anger. I nodded and bounded after him. Zechs was technically my friend, not Heero's. I stopped shortly, and looked at Treize, "You know I didn't kiss him for real, right?"

"Of course," he nodded with a sigh.

I kinda pitied the man. It's not as if Zechs was a hard man to get along with, he just had habits of blaming himself and giving himself the short end of the stick. His level of self-esteem in the real world was sad by comparison to his piloting and technical self-esteem. I guess growing up in a military academy made him dislike himself a little more. So naturally he was thinking it was something did to make Treize not tell him.

I stepped out into the hallway and saw him immediately. He sure didn't make it far before he decided to stop against the wall and slide down it. He looked up at me once he realized I was there. "I should have thought about that before I left the room. Next time I'm making him storm out for dramatic effect," he said wryly.

I sighed and sat down on the floor next to him. I eyed him shortly, "So what are you wearing under that?"

"Why do you want to know?" He smirked at me.

"Fine, I'll just wait til you're sleeping and fine out later." I snickered.

"You're just creepy enough to do that. Mr. I'm going to make it look like Heero's kissing Relena's brother to make her curl in horror."

"That was golden and you know it!" I grinned, but then my expression faded to neutral, "So what's the deal?"

"What deal?" He was playing dumb with me…that doesn't work with me, Mister.

"Don't think I'm stupid, man, I know you're not as mad as you think you are."

"It still bothers me. He's been alive for a year and three months…and I wasn't worthy of knowing? For god's sake I have tried to hate that man!"

"...But you can't…can you?"

"No…That makes me a sappy bastard, doesn't it?"

I snorted a bit, "Yes…it does…Then again anyone who went from ugly duckling to tall, blonde and edible, would have to have some flaw like that." I winked.

"I'm never showing you pictures of my childhood again."

"Oh come on, you should be proud of the end result. Geeze, you're so conflict centered you don't see that you could make the world drop itself for you! Smart, funny in a rather twisted way, and a damn good view for the ladies and slightly homosexual males!"

"Flattery gets you no where."

"You lie."

"Hush your face, 'Heero'." He rolled his eyes and leaned his head on my shoulder.

"You okay?"

"I hurt. But I'm drugged up just enough to be happy. Well sort of. Once I can make myself hate Treize…Then I'll be happy."

"No you won't. You'll be miserable. I think you should go in there and forgive him. Instead of throwing shit at him. Speaking of which, what did you throw at him?"

"Nothing important." He muttered, and I couldn't get the chance to press him harder because from the room came Heero and Treize. Treize said nothing, but he looked down at Zechs. Zechs was avoiding looking up at all costs. There was certain softness in Treize's eyes, even though he was on the receiving end of Zech's stubbornness. I'm sure the Lightening Count could feel the man's gaze. "I don't want to talk, Treize."

"I respect your wish, Zechs." He replied and I was slightly alarmed to hear him calling the blonde by that name. Usually it was something more personal, but I guess he'd taken Zech's words to heart. "Allow me to at least help you back to your room?" He asked, holding his hand out to him. Zechs was hesitant, even I could see that; but he caved and wound up taking his hand.

Zechs muttered lowly and I heard just barely, "Don't do it again."

"Say what?" Treize asked, leaning closer to Zechs, who was unwilling to meet gazes with the guy. I could understand that though. Treize was a little intimidating, but you get used to him when he's around all the freaking time.

"Don't treat me like I'm expendable." He finally did look up. "I'm no more sentimental than the next man, but even I have a breaking point. I put half of my life in building trust for you. Yes…I was pissed at you. I felt like you were shoving it in my face so I punched you and I really don't feel bad about that. But despite that you did keep me from death, so I owe you a second chance." He looked down and then looked back up, "But don't think I'm making it easy for you. You have a great deal to make up for!"

"And make up for it, I shall." Treize replied with a smile. He wrapped an arm around Zech's shoulders and hugged him gently to his side. "I promise my life on it."

"You better…and can I have my ring back?" He asked and I gawked for a moment when Treize produced the object pitched at him previously. Zechs took it casually and looked up at me slowly. "What?"

"You said it wasn't important what you threw at him!"

"…Have you learned nothing here?! What is the common feature of this event? I lie! For the sake of all less shrill than Relena, I'm not Mr. 'I don't tell a lie'!"

"You're terrible Zechs," Heero said shaking his head.

Footsteps in the fall alerted us someone was coming, but thankfully it was only Wufei and Trowa. I don't think anyone wanted to dodge more of the news people. Damn people an their rights to the press. I say someone ought to toss that world nation law out the damn window! Or maybe just the person using said law. Trowa looked as monotonous as ever, but there was a certain look he had on his face and I couldn't tell if it was amusement or confusion.

"So, what's this I hear about 'Heero' kissing Zechs?" He asked, looking at me crookedly.

"Quatre blabbed didn't he?" I winced, but slightly. Only Trowa and Quatre didn't know what was going on. And I thought about it for a minute. Everyone else knew…and of all people Trowa was less likely to tell anyone. I thought it was unfair to leave him out. "Trowa, just to clear things up…we don't know how it happened or if it should be possible; but this morning I, Duo Maxwell, woke up in Heero's body and vice versa." I blurted pointing at what used to be my body.

"What are you doing, baka?!"

"Hey, everyone else knows! Even Treize figured it out! Come on, what's it gonna hurt if he knows too?" I looked at him.

"I already knew any way." Trowa shrugged.

Heero and I looked at him with alarm. How and when had he figured it out? And why the hell was everyone figuring us out?! Why? WHY! WHY! WHY! Were we that obvious? Okay so maybe hugging Zechs and fake kissing him was a terribly give-away idea, but still! If Heero had been in his own body I don't seriously think he wouldn't have done it himself! Well…if he were on great terms with Zechs that is…Of course, I think that riff between them as kinda passed.

"You what?"

"I knew a long time ago."

"How?!" Heero asked before I could.

All Trowa replied with was: "You could say I'm well informed."

"Hey, I still didn't get an answer."

"Damn, your persistence, Fei, I was trying to avoid that question…" I mumbled. He knew that's what I was doing too. Damn Wufei. He's on to me. "It was nothing man, I didn't even really kiss him. Though if I were in my body right now, he'd have gotten the tongue, I promise." I winked and Zechs rolled his eyes.

"I'd have paid good money for pictures of that." Wufei snorted and I stared at him stupidly. He chuckled, "What? Don't think badly of me, it would, uh, give me a reason to employ my mad scrap booking skills."

"You are a worse excuse maker than Zechs!"

"Words hurt." Wufei replied with a false whimper. His sarcasm improved over the year. I swear. It's scary. He's better at it than I. The only one he has to compete with now is Blondie.

"I don't make excuses…I blatantly lie. Remember?" He added but his statement faded out and he swayed, "Oh…ooh…I feel very floaty right now."

"Floaty?" Treize smiled at the blonde ex pilot's choice of words.

"I think I need to lie back down." He added closing his eyes and leaning against Treize for support.

"Would you like me to carry you back, chéri?" Treize asked, brushing the blonde hair from the man's shoulder.

"And shatter what's left of my dignity, thus taking away what little pride I have remaining? …Yeah, why not."

"I take it they're over their 'thing'?" Wufei asked to me in a whisper.

"You sound so disappointed." I snickered in response.

"Don't fear, Wufei," Zechs chuckled, apparently having heard despite whispers, "You can still be my secret boyfriend."

Wufei snorted; but I could see a faint tinge of red on his face, "Only if I get to be the dominant one."

"Oh, so I'm supposed to be _everyone's_ bitch?"

"Pretty much," I added.

"Lucky me," He muttered before Treize picked him up, earning another manly little squeak. Which if you think about it, a manly squeak is like a huge ass oxymoron…but he manages it…

We followed Treize back into the room. I was only slightly amused by the fussing Zechs gave Treize…Okay…Actually, I was highly amused. Whether Blondie realized it or not, it was clear as day to me that Treize absolutely adored him. Sometimes I found that funny. Treize was once the most powerful man in the practical universe, then comes along a slightly insecure guy with histories of suicide missions and one of the most horribly obsessive people in the universe as his sister and Mr. Kushrenada's all tongue tied. He set Blondie back on his bed and gave him that almost sickeningly sweet 'lovers' look.

"So, has everything been settled?" Trowa asked, finally breaking the sappy atmosphere.

"As far as Dorothy? Yes. Apparently she had not learned her lesson. But I think she gets it now. They are reprimanding her and the rest of the small faction. Most of the system was mobile dolls, but there were a few pilots among the fray.

"Was is necessary to reveal yourself though?" Wufei asked, looking at the older man with question.

"I believe that was as good a time as any."

"If you think about it," Zechs added, "That was the best possible way to come back from the dead…At least now they're not thinking he's out to take over the world again."

"I was never out to take over the world, chéri."

"You tell your daughter that." Blondie spat in return.

"Now, before I leave you to sleep; I want you to tell me everything that's bothering you. Because apparently, you're holding back on me." The ex general said kneeling by Zech's bedside.

"I have nothing left to say. Just wondering why you never told me about some love child you have."

Treize sighed, "Zechs…that was a long time ago. You were only sixteen at the time."

"If I'm not mistaken and since I've been smitten with you since I've met you, I know I'm not mistaken; I was sixteen when you kissed me first!"

"That was after the fact, I promise. I wasn't in love with her mother, if that's what you fear."

"I would only have to fear if you did love her and still did. Because then I would be in terrible trouble to think of what you'd be like loving _only_ me."

"I feel oppressed thinking about that and I'm not even in on this deal." Heero mumbled.

"Will you sleep now?" Treize asked.

"For a little while, but I want to leave here. I don't like this place. At all. Relena may be fine here but I do not belong on this property unless I'm defending it."

"You can come back with us, when we leave." Heero offered and I must say I was a little bit surprised. For Heero to make the offer must have meant they weren't archenemies anymore.

"Absolutely. I wouldn't want to miss round three, of breaking my sister's insane obsession for you."

"Good to hear…Oh…we should probably call Quatre back…. he's probably dying a little on the inside being with her for this long!"

"Sounds like a good idea." I nodded.

Well that was one mountain conquered. Getting home and destroying Relena was the second and the final was getting back in our own bodies. Lord, we need some real hobbies here…

**To be Continued…**


	24. 24 Heero

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Twenty-Four_

Heero

It wasn't long before Zechs was sleeping and this time for real. Apparently the riff between he and Treize had been over the man's supposed death. I guess it's a good thing Zechs had gotten hurt. Other wise Treize would have been left in the dark for a long time. Whatever baka had said, seemed to do the trick… I on the other hand was left with Treize to try and coach him into simply approaching the blonde. I couldn't help but be a little relieved when that was all said and done. It gave us a chance to call Quatre back with a real report and prepare to travel back to our little home, which wasn't far from the Sanc kingdom for the very purpose of defending it quickly.

I was almost a little surprised at myself for volunteering Zechs to come with us, but I guess I'd gotten over the stupid rivalry with him once I realized what he was really up to. Clever bastard knew how to play his cards. It wasn't hard to figure out, after a while, that he was a friend to baka. I'm sure Duo would explain more to me when he felt it necessary. I guess he was becoming my friend a little more as well. Of course, you know that isn't going to stop me from making wedding jokes in his ear every chance I got. He acted like a war god, but he sucked at social normalism. I would know. Because I suck at it too.

We decided to return in one of the limos on the estate. The Gundams could be picked up later or most likely Howard would get them. I think it was due time for all of us to throw down a room full of pillows and have a damn movie night. Something relaxing. The manly pajama party. That, and I wanted popcorn. I didn't think anyone would argue against it. A tough and brain graining day deserves popcorn and a violent man movie. Because deep down inside, I didn't hate the times we'd done that in the past. I pretended to, but I'm tired of pretending I guess. I may have done a lot of things in my life that were horrible, but it's better to live with it under me and try to repent a little, then live with it over me and end up one day actually succeeding in a suicide attempt.

In the end, I caved and invited Treize too. He wasn't so bad of a guy really. Just a little militaristic, but so were the rest of us. Not to mention we're minors, we need supervision. Other wise Relena might really be killed. Then again…Zechs is technically an adult and I think it would please him to high heaven to wrap his hands around her neck. Relena wouldn't be so terribly oppressing if she weren't obsessed with me. I snorted to myself. Somehow I had made friends out of all of my enemies and one single factor we all agree on is that Relena needs to be broken of me. I'm no Prince of the Stars. Zechs had that role first, thank you very much.

"How ya doing Zechs?" I asked, coming out of my reverie to look at the recovering pilot, seated across from me in the limo. It was a much longer ride back than it was getting there. I was just glad I didn't have to stay behind and sort out political mess like Treize had to do. He said he'd meet up with us later. I almost smiled.

"Better than before, I'll tell you." The blonde replied. I hate, absolutely loathe to admit, but he was a fine looking man. And that sounds terrible coming from me.

"You can say that again." Baka said before anyone else had the chance to.

"Should I be worried about you raping me in my sleep?" The blonde raised and eyebrow in a joking manner.

"I think you have more to worry about in Wufei." Baka snorted.

"Hey, hey, I wouldn't do that!" The Chinese man defended.

"Oh please!" Duo gasped, which sounded weird coming from me, but it was getting to the point where I was wanting to go back into my own body to be more like that and make it part of me officially. When I looked at my own face, I liked the smile it had more than that monotonous look I always carried. Duo made me look alive.

"I would wait for him to wake up and make Treize watch." Wufei crossed his arms as if what he was saying was perfectly normal. I choked and snorted loudly as a failed result of repressing that urge to cackle. I must admit, Wufei's sense of humor improved impressively.

"That is so very kinky." Duo giggled, another ridiculous sound from my voice that stopped bothering me, strangely.

"I can play a really good bitch when given the opportunity, you know…"

"ZECHS!"

"…What? You seriously think I'm dominant over Treize? No sir, say I. He's like seven years older than me, you realize this don't you?"

"Is he really?" I leaned forward. I hadn't known that Treize was that much older than Zechs. "So you're only twenty four?"

"Quick math, Heero. Almost twenty-four, a month or two. I don't celebrate getting older."

"Oh!" Duo interrupted, "But you should! It's the closing of an entire portion of your life and the beginning of a new! Heero, we should throw him a surprise birthday party!" He said looking at me.

"I'll pretend I can't see the clear flaw in that plan, baka." Wufei snorted, stealing my word.

"You know…Fei makes a point…if you were seriously planning that, than you just gave it away…"

"…Damn it. Forget I said anything, Blondie!"

"Okaaay…You bet." He shook his head in as dignified a manner as he could in the strange position he was in on the long side of the limo.

"I wonder what Quatre would say if we cleared a room for Zechs and Treize…" Trowa said, after what seemed like hours of silence. And from those few words I think we all gawked a bit. It wasn't so much that he spoke (I won't lie that was a surprise too) but the words in which he spoke made me tilt my head a little. Was he suggesting adding them to the so-called freak of a family we have? And the weirdest part was it didn't seem like an absurd idea.

"I'm not going to be one to intrude. Pissing off Heero, bringing misery to my sister, throwing shit at Treize,and making him feel horrible is acceptable on my behalf, but intrusion is where I draw lines."

"Well if your lines are as straight as you are, then you've got a problem." Trowa quipped and not a single person could restrain some out loud display of amusement. That was a massive display of cleverness on Trowa's part.

"Touché, I have nothing to come back with after that, Barton." Zechs smartly conceded defeat. When Trowa shows his sense of humor, you just can't fight against him and win. He's usually as monotonous as I am. We understand each other in a strange and silent way.

It was a godly sight; our little place that Quatre picked out for us. I honestly don't think any of us could leave. Not only would Quatre go into crying fits, but also it would feel like leaving home. Having no home for the mass majority of my life, it's nice to know I have one. And I know the others agree with me. With our quirky personalities finally getting a chance to develop passed wars and stupid fighting, we really did keep each other entertained. Especially Wufei. Though I admit sometimes I do like to spar with him. Fighting is in our blood; we can't get rid of it completely. Which is half of the reason I couldn't wait to hit that last growth spurt, at around twenty years old, so I could finally match Zechs in size (hopefully) and have a fair one on one. It was more for entertainment value at that point though.

The limo pulled into the long, almost hidden, driveway. Relena's trusty servant/man bitch Pagan had driven us back. I was going to suggest he take Relena back; but with all of the crazy mess going on, I knew that wouldn't happen. She would have to stay with us for a few days. He stopped the limo slowly as we reached the front. I could see Quatre waiting on the front step. He perked up a bit once he saw us. I guess Relena was driving him into depression. The back door opened and Relena's man bitch smiled. He was a nice old guy and I kinda pitied him for having to serve Relena.

Between Trowa and Wufei's efforts, Zechs immerged from the vehicle first and I smirked at Baka. He smirked back. We had the silent communication thing going on pretty well now. He motioned for me to get out first and I did. It was nice to stand, though it hurt the legs a bit. Duo stepped out after me and stretched.

"So where's the nearest cliff? I wanna see if the two hundred broken bones thing is true." He joked.

"Oh shut it, I'm immortal and we know it." I grinned conceitedly.

"Hell, you should be. Getting mentally raped by my sister should kill anyone." Zechs rolled his eyes but let out a strange sound and looked over at Wufei quickly. What did I just miss?

"…What?" Wufei replied, "Whatever just happened I swear I didn't do it!"

"…That was me." Trowa laughed softly.

"I never pinned you to grab asses, Barton." Zechs replied and Duo gasped. I couldn't say that I wasn't surprised at least a little, but then again the urge to grab that man's ass came to everyone…Naturally. I can't tell you how many times I watched Baka almost go for it. It's not the rest of the world's fault his pants some how seem to fit him entirely too perfectly. Kinda how Baka looks really sexy with his hair down.

…

It's official. I'm brain damaged. Thinking about Zechs's ass and what makes Baka sexier than already…

"Heero?" I heard a voice and responded with such 'Duo' perfection it was alarming.

"I'm not thinking about Zechs's ass, I swear!"

Duo responded first, "Just don't let Treize hear you say that." He laughed soundly, walking toward the stairs and to Quatre.

"I don't think Treize would be as worried about that as he might be watching a seventeen year old have his way with me while I'm incapacitated yet still conscious." The blonde said, leaning on Wufei now more than Trowa. "Or ass grabbing circus performers." He glanced to the silent man.

"You've been asking for it for the last two days. Someone had to do it." Trowa smiled faintly. It was nice to see some emotion other than stoic on him. I guess that must have been what everyone felt like when I actually showed an emotion. So that was why Baka smiled when I smiled.

"Hey, I'm _almost_ legal." Wufei totally broke my intelligent thought with that. He grinned a little more evilly and looked closer at Zechs, "Besides, I bet you weren't older than seventeen when Treize first-"

"Say it and you die right here!" Zechs stopped him before details could fly loose.

"So it's true then?" I asked, merely taking pleasure in his state of discomfort.

"Hey, before you deem me a slut, I'm at least monogamous!" He replied bluntly and Quatre coughed at said straightforwardness.

"No one was going to accuse you of that, you know. If anyone, Treize earns that title better."

"Damn love child." The blonde muttered.

"Okay guys, lets go inside before this conversation winds up with someone fornicating on the front porch." Quatre said in the most innocent way a person could when using those words.

"Hey, why don't you tell that to your ass grabbing man toy." Zechs replied, and I volunteered my help in easing him up the steps. He could walk pretty well, but steps were like a mountainous obstacle. I knew. I'd been in that position before.

Baka walked behind us in case we were to do the backward tumble thing. I think he might have had a chance at catching us. Though I think three tumbling backward would have either killed him or put a great deal of damage on my body. Neither I wanted. Home was welcome after insanely stupid people starting insanely stupid half wars. Geeze, I think Dorothy only did it because she was bored. I wouldn't be surprised. Or maybe it was her goal to draw out Treize. Only Wufei and Zechs seemed to believe he was really dead. I was under the assumption that Treize was a soul-sucking vampire and couldn't die. It seemed I was right, save for the soul sucking part. I was still testing that.

That was about the time that the happy appearance of 'home' became a downward spiral to hell. Relena stepped out from the front door.

"God, if you exist at all and you actually love me just a little, make her disappear…" I mumbled.

"Amen, brother,' Zechs added dryly.

"Oh Heero!" She said in a sickeningly sweet voice, but thankfully she stopped before making it to arms reach of Baka. "Milliardo! You're hurt!"

"Don't worry dear sister, something alcoholic and in large sizes will make everything better…" He groaned and glanced back at me. That look spelled, 'I'll kill you if you, kill me. I promise.' Poor guy. I guess living under a false name, secretly being obliged to the famous Peacecraft name, while being slowly corrupted by Treize, then broken by him would turn any person into such a crazy bastard…He used to be calm and collected. That's shot now. Proverbially speaking that is.

"Oh don't say such things!"

"Trust me Relena…you don't want me to tell you what I'm really thinking…"

"Heero, do you want me to shoot her?" Baka said, only a few feet behind me.

"In a perfect world." I sighed. Unfortunately I don't think we could get away with murdering Relena. Breaking her soul and the absolute destruction of her overbearing personality was a-okay with me though.

"Relena," Wufei surprisingly started, "We're damned tired and not in the mood for this, so please go inside and let us all calm down a bit before you go about harassing Heero and pestering Zechs about his health. He's not going to die. I haven't gotten my chance to take advantage of him yet." He smirked when Relena paled. Hell, I think I smirked too. She didn't realize it but she was in the household of a fairly large gathering of gay people. (Or at least bisexuals.) I bet it would have scarred her for life I had told her that her brother was Treize's bitch. Surprisingly though, she nodded her head and went back inside with Quatre, who was kind enough to accompany her. I think he's too nice for his own good.

"You're a God, Wufei." I said, suddenly catching my own tiredness, I wasn't the only one who caught it either.

He looked at me sideways. "I'll take care of Blondie. Go get some sleep."

I smiled and nodded. Trowa stepped in my place to help walk Zechs up the last few stairs and I was left with Duo. "Sleep sounds like a good damn idea." I yawned. Grabbing his hand. I almost felt stupidly shy for it, but I realized there was no damn point to feel that way.

"Yeah. I'm with you on that." He replied with a chuckle and we walked up the steps together and into the large reception area just before the steps to the rooms. I might as well have made his room into mine or vice versa. From that moment out I couldn't imagine taking separate rooms. Listen to me…getting sentimental. I guess it had to be realized eventually. Damn it…I need to threaten something's life now to regain my masculinity.

Time was lost on me, honestly. Even with all of the battles before that, I'd never felt so tired. I guess internal conflict is more powerful than anything external. But what I do know, is that bed was more comfortable than anything ever had been. I don't even care if Baka was the one holding me. Given the identity switch, he was forgiven for it. We'd been through a lot. An unusual amount of crazy shit that always seems to happen only to us. We're a bunch of freaks, I tell you. But it keeps us interesting, at least.

I don't know how long we slept. Nothing else really stuck in my mind. That hazy fog of 'leave me the hell alone I'm sleeping and it fucking feels good' had drifted over us. But when my eyes finally did open it was dark. The window was open, but it was still dark. We'd slept into the night that was clear, but judging by the moon it didn't seem it was too late. My guess was nine or ten. I wasn't the only alive at that moment. Because I realized Baka was already up and no longer in the bed next to me. I slid off the bed and realized he wasn't in the room either. The deduction came from the door to the room being ajar.

I stood slowly, testing my legs. They were achy, but it felt good to stretch them. I meandered out into the hall and yelped at the body that almost collided with me. It was Baka.

"Oh, you're up, I was going to bring you something to eat." He said. He was carrying a tray. I smiled and nudged him in the direction of the stairs.

"We can eat downstairs. I'm sure we're not the only ones awake, correct?"

"At the moment only Trowa and Quatre are dozing. They fell asleep during some movie they had been watching while we were sleeping." He replied, walking close to me on the way down the stairs. I felt rested. I felt good.

We passed the sleeping pair on the couch and it was a pleasant sight. It was always nice when Quatre wasn't plastered with worry and Trowa wasn't forced into shooting people down. Or Wufei needing his justice speeches, Duo making the daring actions to save us from trouble, Zechs taking the brunt of the damage, or me feeling like death is a blessing. Free of all of that, we could almost pass off as a normal bunch of people. (Well…a gay bunch of normal people, who can pilot Gundams and hack computer software).

The kitchen seemed dimmer at night, which was great for the ill adjusted eyes. I quickly saw Relena and resisted rolling my eyes. If I could help it I was going to avoid speaking with her. The plight of her passed when I saw Wufei cooking. Food sounded good too. And Wufei cooks well. Very well.

"So what's cooking?" I asked, taking up the Duo stance. "I am starved damn it!"

"I'm sure you'll like it." Wufei replied, looking up at us over the brim of his glasses, quite a rare sight might I add for him to be wearing them. I think I preferred the glasses and hair down look for him. He looked less like a Chinese mafia thug and more like a normal guy.

"You missed out, I got the first taste," Zechs added. I hadn't even seen him at that point but he was on the other side of Wufei, sitting on a tall chair being petted on by Treize, who looked alarmingly normal when he wasn't in suit.

"My god, Treize I believe I've almost mistaken you for a human!"

He chuckled deeply, "That is unfortunate. My vampiric blood cannot allow for it!"

"I knew you were a vampire!"

I was a little alarmed that Relena had said nothing. It seemed that perhaps someone had maybe told her to shut up or someone told her the truth. One way or another she was quiet. And for the strangest reasons that just ate away at me. I finally couldn't take the absence of her 'Heero' screeching bullshit if I didn't know the reason for its absence. I turned and looked at her. It took a moment for her to realize she was being stared at. Apparently she'd been reading something and drinking coffee or tea, I couldn't tell which.

"Relena…" I said and she gave me quite weak look.

"I suppose you're looking to gloat at me?" She responded.

"For what? I've nothing to gloat over."

"Well, you kind of do." Wufei offered. "You see, between Zechs and I and later help by Treize, we explained the situation. Between you and Baka."

"Oh…goody."

"Don't worry we didn't say too much." That was just his way of saying he didn't spill the secret on the body switch. "Not to mention we had to explain why exactly Heero was 'kissing' Zechs."

"Oh, the grave misunderstanding you mean?" Baka offered as a response.

"Yeah. That one."

"I didn't actually kiss Zechs." He confirmed. "Treize would have had my head."

"Why assume that?" Treize raised and eyebrow and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I know…" She replied. "I figured it out on my own. About you, I mean. I guess I had to watch you before I could believe it."

"Relena…you were just too oppressive. Too intent on making me love you." Baka continued, which I'm sure felt so damn awkward for him, but he was nailing what I would have said. "It's hard to explain why nothing went like planned. I guess people change."

"You realize you love people you didn't realize you did…" I added looking at him, actually able to see past my own face and see the person inside of it. It felt like the right thing to say. God. Damn. Sappy. Moment.

Baka was now almost frighteningly close to me. There was a long pause then finally someone spoke. "Just kiss him already."

And I did.

There was such a jolt from it I thought I was having a small heart attack. Even with eyes closed, I could sense the same reaction from him. I'd never considered myself to really have a sexual orientation, much less toward my own gender; but damn it all if that didn't feel more welcome than the idea of kissing a girl. Because he knew me. And nothing could replace that.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring back into two amethyst ones, feathered by long brown hair. There was a second of absolute obliviousness, but in moments I realized what was out of place. What was sorely out of place. My eyes weren't violet like Baka's…they were blue. Baka was shorter than me. I was now taller. And my hair was short once again. And he wore that trademark braid.

We were…back to normal.

"We're…" I whispered but he cut me off with a hand.

"Don't jinx it." He chuckled.

Relena stood quietly and excused herself. I almost felt bad…Almost. I had to get some satisfaction that she had finally given up and accepted that there was no chance in hell for her. I bet Zechs was dancing on the inside. I looked over and retracted that thought. He was practically dancing on the outside too.

"All's well that ends well, I suppose." Treize smiled, running a hand through Zech's long blonde hair.

"I hate that stupid line." Replied said blonde.

"You're impossible to please."

"I said I wouldn't make it easy." But he contradicted that statement by leaning his head back to accept a kiss that almost made me do something I would hit myself for. But Baka did it aloud for me.

"Aww…It's about time." He gleamed, acting like a child who wanted to hug the cute puppy.

"So you're finally back to normal?" Wufei said, shuffling the pan back in forth over the flame.

"You know I wouldn't say that about them." I snorted at the idea of actually having the brainpower to 'aww' at Zechs and Treize. "Even still, normal again, maybe, but I'd still like to know how that happened."

"Well…Let's just say it wasn't an accident." Treize said quietly and both my head and Duo's perked at that.

I glared, "What did you say?"

"Hey, don't look at me like that!" He held up his hands. "I wasn't the one who did it."

"What do you mean, the one who did it? You mean you knew about this? All along!?" Duo asked, he wasn't angry but there was irritation there among the curiosity.

"That was my fault." Came a small, sleep laced and soft voice from the area of the doorway behind us. I turned and of all people to make the startling confession, there stood Quatre. He wore a pleased yet guilty look on his face. I should have known. I should have figured that the only one to act oblivious to what was clearly obvious would know the most. I slacked my stance and sighed.

"You set this all up, didn't you?"

"…Yes." He replied meekly. "I couldn't stand watching you guys act distant, when I knew what I was feeling from you. Heero, you couldn't have been more plainly ignorant of your own feelings! And Duo…you never had the guts to admit it to him. You just needed a little help…I called Relena on purpose…and explained everything to her. She knew about it all along. She knew how you would behave….And I credit her for a marvelous performance."

"Wait a minute, then you must have known too!" I growled turning toward Zechs.

"Hold the fucking phone, I don't know what's going on here either!" He put his hands up and nearly fell out of his chair.

"He showed up on his own, Heero." Quatre explained and I refocused my attention on him, "I hadn't been expecting him, but I figured I'd nail two birds with one stone… so that's why I called Treize. I had nothing to do with the attack on Sanc, but I'm thankful for it happening in a way. It sped up the process. I never intended to cause any one any strife…It was getting so suffocating to see you guys so distant when you shouldn't have been."

"So you mean to say that we've been kinda handled here…" Duo said, fiddling with his hair, like he usually does when he's unsure of something.

"Well…I merely helped guide you. I didn't tell you what to feel, or think; or in your case Zechs, I swear I did not tell Treize anything more than to prove himself to you. That you deserved that much at the least." Quatre stood straighter and no longer hid himself behind the doorway. That was when I saw Trowa behind him.

"I can't let him take all of the blame. It was my idea too." He wrapped his arms around Quatre's shoulders.

That did shock me, "You mean you were in on this from the very beginning as well?"

"That does explain how he was 'well informed'," Duo sighed.

"But that still doesn't explain the body switch! How can you have a damn answer for that?!"

"I knew it." Zechs muttered. "He's a witch."

"But really," Treize started. "Does that matter now?" He leaned forward against Zechs, wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulders, in the same fashion Trowa had done to Quatre. What is with blondes and shoulder hugs? "It seems, whatever witchcraft Winner is capable of, worked in the favor of more than it worked against."

"I wouldn't call it witchcraft." Quatre said with a short chuckle, "But I'll leave you to wonder how I did it. It would be wrong of me to tell my secrets!"

"Oh! You cheap dog! I want to know!" Duo whined.

I stretched and arm out and draped it over his should and pulled him to me. "He's right though, Baka. It's probably better we didn't know."

"As long as there are no animal sacrifices in the basement, it's all good to me." Wufei chuckled, turning off the stove. "Now, quit with the foreplay and come get some food. I'm going to go find Relena and beckon her to eat. I promised her first dibs on my homemade egg rolls and before you groan at me Maxwell, my Chinese food is not soy products or cat. It is real food."

"Thank god…" Duo replied. It was great that Wufei cooked. Truthfully none of us did a good job at cooking. He did though, but usually it wasn't his own culture's food. So this would be interesting.

"If we're talking chop sticks here, then I am so fucked it should hurt to sit."

"Zechs!" Duo snorted inwardly just as he took a large drink out of the soda he had pulled from the refrigerator.

"A simple analogy shouldn't hurt. I mean, you're the people who were asking about my sex life."

"And I was listening." Trowa added, only to be playfully popped by Quatre.

I shook my head and went for the refrigerator. A soda sounded like a good idea. I usually didn't drink them, but at that particular moment I didn't care. "So, while we're on the honesty topic. How long have you and my Baka been sneaking behind my back?" I asked casually turning around to two startled faces that were glazed over with guilt. Oh, they were so busted.

"You know…I'm torn between the 'oh nothing' response, or being a real jackass and going for the 'hot raunchy sex' response…but that would make me a pedophile or something. Anyway, it wouldn't be legal…so I'll go with the 'oh nothing' response." Zechs answered first, only to receive giggles from both Quatre and Duo. God they're such women. Then again… Zechs being Treize's bitch kinda puts him in the 'girls' side category.

"Well, Heero, remember that mission in Siberia? We got stuck together in that jail cell-"

"You mean that bathroom stall." Blondie added.

"Basically." Duo nodded with a truthful shrug. "Anyway, we decided then to rebuild the Gundams. He had the money to help start it and I had the access to a full mechanic crew.

"You mean you still have money?" I asked with a blink. I figured when he gave up his name, he gave up his family fortune too.

"Hey, I'm crazy and negligent…not stupid. Besides…most of it was Treize's money. He left me quite a sum when he supposedly died."

"I had to make sure you were tell taken care of."

"I will forever live under the shadow of you now, you realize that? Forget I was ever a pilot, top of my class, and Colony rebel leader slash insane person. I am now Treize's helpless little 'girlfriend'…again."

"You sound disappointed, chéri." Treize mumbled into the blonde's neck and Zechs forgot what he was saying.

"I suddenly picture you in a dress, oh Lightening Count." I grinned.

"Oh, yeah, so when are you gonna get married?" Duo cooed, in the same awfully cruel teasing manner I had learned to master just for Zechs.

"It's called a domestic partnership you bitches!"

"Oh you don't want to wear a dress?"

"Keep talking Treize. I can withhold sex from you."

Wufei whistled, "Sounds like someone just got bitch whipped," He said coming back through the door with Relena. It was hard to look at her and not think about how she he known all along. We had been such bastards…But she kinda asked for it…her acting was too good.

"I'm starved," She smiled.

"Good, because Wufei doesn't know how to cook small amounts of food." Trowa said, taking a plate from Wufei to hand to Relena.

"Hey, it makes for leftovers. And it shouldn't kill anyone."

"Hey Relena," Duo asked looking at the blonde woman. Even knowing the facts there was still that tiny little ping of annoyance by her. She was still the peace preacher, "no hard feelings right?"

"Of course not," She smiled. "Now to my brother…on the other hand." She looked at him wryly.

"What? I'm a jackass, remember? I only want you to die sometimes…okay most times." He said straightforwardly. And here I thought this was something he didn't share with his beloved sister.

"You're reproachable." She shook her head. It was funny because now that I thought about it, while Zechs was a cold bastard about his sister, there was no real heart in it. Yeah it seemed pretty sincere…until I took a moment to really catch the undertones that basically said he had no choice but to be a complete dick. Almost seemed like he was just being a jackass for the sake of it and he probably was. He wasn't the same pilot we knew from before.

"Watch it dear sister. Or we'll get back on the 'sex' life conversation."

"Oh you wouldn't!" She dared.

"Bet me. Just bet me Relena. Trowa's looking like he wants to know anyway."

"Only a little."

"Trowa!" Quatre whined.

I shook my head. We were now really a full house. It was clear that it would always be that way. In some strange way we'd all managed to find common ground. Most of us were teenagers acting the part of adults (immature adults, but adults no less) while Treize and Zechs were getting in touch with the teenagers they never got to be. A strange set up, but damn it all if it didn't seem like it was supposed to be.

"What say you, we go watch a violent damn movie and chow on Wufei's fantastic cooking?" Baka said, clearly flattering up Wufei in hopes of getting seconds that he wasn't going to be denied anyway.

"Sounds like a plan." I nodded.

"You know, since Quatre has a more girly streak than you, would you like to join us Relena?" Trowa asked kindly, even though Quatre pouted.

"It's because I'm blonde isn't it!" The blonde Arabic boy huffed.

"Hey, I'm blonde too!"

"And that's why Treize wears the pants, Zechs."

"Wufei, you damn traitor…But you know what, I win that one, because I wear my pants better!"

"You bet your sweet ass you do." Trowa added.

"Trowa!"

"I can't help it, chéri." Trowa said to Quatre. "He's taunting me now."

"You started it with the ass grab."

"You were asking for it."

"Oh yeah well-ack!" Zechs stopped and glared back to Treize.

"I think…no, I know, I just won that one."

"What is with you people targeting my ass, damn it!"

Wufei, Trowa, and I all responded the same, "It's the pants."

"I expect it from Wufei and Trowa now, but Heero! Your betrayal wounds me!"

"Heh, then you're in a for a sad awakening when I catch you in the right place. Baka didn't give you the tongue. But who says I won't." I cackled.

"You people are terrible." Zechs shook his head.

"Could be worse." Duo shrugged.

"Could be Quinze." Treize offered.

"Or could have Dorothy's eye brows." Quatre giggled.

"I'm only half way offended by that." Treize said, but there was no meaning in it when he was all but throwing Zechs on the floor. Which I don't think would have been disapproved of. Duo has acquainted me with my inner homo. Thank you, Baka.

"Oh Treize, the eyebrows work for you." Wufei smirked in that crazy way he always does. And was naturally confronted with Treize's own trademark victor's grin.

"You're about ten seconds from being the second bitch in my bed, Chang."

"Ooh, Getting saucy Treize."

"Hey, I'm still the number one bitch, you got that."

"Naturally…which is why you would be in the middle."

"Heh…It makes the 'taking advantage of you sound like a better and better idea."

"I suddenly fear for my own safety." Zechs said, going into the large entertainment room with the rest of them.

I shook my head with a chuckle. They were amusing as hell, no doubt. Even with all the joking it was possible to see something like that might actually work. But it was just that. Silly joking. Or more like perverted joking only a trio of guys would come up with. Women are too tasteful…it's no wonder we only got along with each other. Too bad, really. I honestly think Wufei would have made a great third addition to that twosome. Though Wufei was always the one to be independent. Even in all the couples he'd stated that he liked being the single one.

"So baka. Happy to be back in your body?"

"Yeah, though I wish I'd gotten some mirror time in your body." He cackled.

"You're terrible." I replied, crawling into the soft couch beside where the others had already strewn about. Thank goodness for large u-shaped furniture. I looked at Zechs sitting next to me with almost hesitance.

"Go for the ass and I'll toss you off this couch, Yuy, I promise Treize's life on it."

"And I'm a vampire. I don't die." Treize added from his place on the floor in front of Zechs and next to Wufei.

Damn. "Oh well, I'm sure I'll get my chance." I laughed. And it was a real laugh. It was nice.

"I love it when you smile Heero, but I like it when you laugh even more." Duo said to me, leaning against my chest.

"You're turning me into a human, baka. Knock it off." But it was heartless really.

"Kiss him, damn it!"

"I'm getting to it!" I snipped and lightly jabbed Zechs but not hard because he was technically still injured. He snorted back a bout of laughter.

"He's right. Kiss me damn it." The brunette in my arms demanded.

"You're so needy," I rolled my eyes, but obliged him with a kiss. And it didn't feel weird at all. That's right society. Fuck you. I love a man.

"EEP."

"Nice manly squeak, Zechs."

"Stop the ass grabbing!"

"That was me."

"QUATRE?!"

"Well…Trowa was right…"

I sighed. Contently. This stupid bunch of morons. I couldn't have asked for better. And my crazy baka. Seemed to be what a robot like me needed.

"ACK. Stop it! Stop it now!"

I grinned, "THAT was me." Life was going to be crazy, but we liked it that way.

**To be Continued…**


	25. 25 Duo

**Happy Heero, Monotone Duo**  
_ Chapter Twenty-Five_

Duo

Five years passed faster than you'd think since that crazy collection of days. And a lot had changed. Everyone had thankfully forgot the little scuffle at the Sanc Kingdom, where Treize had reacquainted himself with the world and the event that some how managed to mold our lives back together. Five years had done us all a lot of good. And I tell you it was nice being in my own body to do it. That crazy switch with Heero was an inside joke for those of us who knew about it. Zechs even prodded me about it every now and then.

We were all sitting out back by the large court on Quatre's property. In five years, none of us could bring ourselves to move away. Heh, some how Wufei even managed to hang around despite being bombarded by couples everywhere he went. Lord, watching him silently gawk at Zechs was almost saddening. I never originally pinned him to be gay; but even if I were straight, looking at Zechs… I would absolutely hit that. Five years only made him sexier. If that's even possible. Then again five years changed us all a little. In looks I mean. We're still a bunch of dumb ass teenagers at heart. I mean, Heero whacked Zechs with a pan the other day and then they both got into a fight. Eventually they wound up being scolded by Wufei, who had learned to dominate the kitchen area with that crazy justice raving tone of his.

"Baka, you're not watching me own this man's ass at this game." Heero said, snapping me from my musing.

"Hee-chan, you're the man. Invincible. And I expect you to win!"

"You're a traitor!" Zechs huffed from the other end of the court, nailing the ball and sending it back to Heero.

"Hey Heero, nice ass!" Wufei shouted from behind me, and Heero turned his head with a snap.

"Hey wat-" Zechs started but gave up because there was no dodging that ball going into the side of Heero's face. "…I was going to say 'watch out'…but you can understand why…I think."

Heero glared at Zechs then looked back at Wufei, "You betrayer of man."

"Well come on, Zechs needed some cheering support! Besides, how was I supposed to assume that you would actually look at me," the Chinese man smirked, pushing up his glasses and closing his book.

"Traitor."

"Heh, you're just mad because you were easily distracted." Zechs quipped and blew a kiss to Wufei. "Thank you darling."

"Is it just me…" Treize started with a chuckle. "Or is Wufei stealing Zechs right from under me?" He and Trowa were playing chess on the table right behind where Quatre and I were sketching up quick designs for a new Mobile Suit design. Zechs and Treize had said they would handle the inner workings and systems if we came up with designs and I found out that Quatre was surprisingly good at sketching. We'd been toying with defense Suits for the longest time and it seemed like we were finally pulling it together. That and we often strayed to other silly projects. Zechs wasn't happy about Quatre drawing him in a dress…but I love that picture and I made a copy for my photo album that no one has found yet.

"Any time, sweetness." Wufei returned the blown kiss.

"Hey Fei, do you ever feel weird being the only single guy here?" I asked, leaning over Quatre with my chin on his shoulder.

"Not at all. After all I get the best of all worlds. When the guys want to do something, I'm not excluded and when the girls want to do something, I'm not excluded there either. Not to mention everyone tells me everything." He grinned. I laughed at the concept of him grouping us into 'guys' and 'girls'. Of course…Just like him to see some crazy upside to that. "And as long as Treize doesn't think I'm serious, I get to hit on Blondie all I want."

"Hey I'm not blonde anymore!" Zechs retorted.

"Oh bah, the dye will come out and you're always blonde to me."

"Though brown does look good on you." Quatre nodded.

"It's not staying, I promise." He retorted, dodging the ball that Heero ferociously served. "What are you trying to kill me?!"

"Hey, if I have to have a bruised face, you're getting the matching bruise." Heero replied. "And the blonde looked better."

"Since when are you a fashion guru?" Zechs swiftly served the ball he'd retrieved. Who knew the two would become so enthralled by Tennis? They were worse with volleyball though. "And I wouldn't be in this predicament if your girlfriend hadn't put hair dye in the wrong place!"

"It was an accident!" I whimpered. "I said I was sorry."

"Checkmate." Treize said, interrupting the impending bitch fest we were likely to have. Good timing Treize. "You know, I don't think the brown looks so bad." He added.

"Of course you don't! But it's going back blonde. And soon." He finalized. It would be weird for him to stay a brunette. Blonde was definitely his color.

"Guess what I heard." Trowa spoke; and when Trowa speaks, we listen. "I heard that Relena's getting married."

"Oh?" I perked. Relena getting married was a great sign! And a relief. That meant she was over Heero for real and no longer angry with us, if she had been in the first place.

"Yeah, apparently to a relative of Dorothy's. A distant cousin I think it was. Or so I heard." He continued.

"Well that's a surprise." Treize said and he did sound surprised. "I'll have to ask Dorothy…Someone related to her, might be a relative of mine, what with being cousins ourselves."

"Oh lord…If you were related to Relena by law that would make what we have a slightly disturbing situation." Zechs said stopped, as Heero took a breather himself.

"As long as she's not marrying one of my siblings…though…that doesn't matter. As long as we're not blood related I have no quarrel doing what I want with you. Hell…at this point I wouldn't care if you _were_ blood related."

"That was sweet and sick all at once, Treize." Zechs shook his head walking forward to stand right in front of Treize. He folded his arms in front of him, leaning in such a way that easily put him in control of the older man. And gave me the perfect opportunity…

"ACK!" He yelped.

"You were off guard for that one, hm?" Trowa laughed.

"You know what I'm going to start wearing baggy pants, damn it!"

"Oh please…you will not." Heero rolled his eyes, walking toward us as well.

"It's not my fault…they're so comfortable…"

"And pleasing to the eye." Trowa mentioned and Wufei, Quatre and Heero all nodded. I couldn't help but do it myself actually.

"Bunch of perverts." He sighed, but leaned forward to kiss Treize.

"Oh lord! Why do you always do that when I walk out!" Came a voice from the back door that led into the house. With short amber hair to her ears and more grown than before, Mariemaia stood rolling her eyes and shaking her head. She came to visit every so often since she and Treize had been introduced. They were frighteningly alike in personality. She had this strange adoration for blondes though, because she adored both Quatre and Zechs.

"You have bad timing, sweetness." Zechs replied.

"Just like you're oblivious to when someone's about to go for your backside!" She replied and Heero stepped back quickly as Zechs turned around. Heero tried to look nonchalant, but there was no hiding what his plans had been.

"You are so busted, Heero Yuy."

"I'd have had you if she hadn't said anything." His lips curled into a grin.

"I should give up on my ass being mine."

"Probably." Quatre chuckled.

"Hey, you're as guilty as the rest."

"It's my way of bonding with you, Zechs..."

"That is a terrible excuse."

"Is it five already, Mariemaia?" Wufei asked, looking back at the girl. She nodded and he stood up, taking only a quick moment to stretch. "I'm going to go start dinner now, because I seem to be the only person able to cook." He teased. "Thanks for reminding me of the time." He looked to Treize's daughter. She smiled.

"I'll go with you." Trowa offered and stood as well. I watched. Through amusement passed through me at the scene. Zechs had taken a seat in the empty chair beside Treize and when Trowa passed, the former blonde struck. The look on Trowa's face will forever be priceless and I don't think I'll ever forget it.

Zechs looked so smug, "Payback is a bitch, Barton."

Trowa faced Zechs and stared down at him with a conceding look. He chuckled in a silent breath, "Touché, Merquise. Touché." He turned and followed Wufei once more, shaking that response from him.

"You realize now he's going to go for you every chance he gets? This is like war now." Quatre said over the cup of tea he nursed while taking a break from sketching.

"Yeah…I know, but at least now he knows that I can grab asses too."

"You're crazy."

"And you love me for it."

"No denying it." Heero admitted, and just about everyone else nodded in agreement.

"So there. I win."

Heh, five years of that and you really learned to get passed the shit hole of war. Heero opened up so much. 'I don't think I could be happier.' I said to myself. I had a sudden idea and leaned forward for the second strike.

"GAH! Damn ass grabbers!"

I chuckled to myself and accepted Heero's kiss as a prize for my marvelous strategy against the blonde. '_Now_, I can't be happier.'

**The End**

(That is, until you realize there's a sequel!)

_Leo: The final chapter. It's been a long ass road with this story. Started not long before I moved away from someone important to me. So this story has become sort of synonymous with my feelings for that person. Long lasting and hard to kill. Over time I think I've grown as a writer and I thank everyone for being with me while I do it. You all waited patiently while I slacked and gave me encouragement when I finally got my ass moving. I never took fanfiction seriously until this story, when I realized that it gave me the power to brighten someone's day. So naturally I hope the finale doesn't disappoint. I wanted to give everyone closure, but at the same time give an opening for the sequel (because you know there's no way in hell I can leave this cast of characters behind!) _

_Great love to everyone who reviewed! –throws kissing Heero and Duo plushies- See ya at the sequel! _

_LeoOsaka_


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